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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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My ex is gone again,she never calls. I don't know what to do
Q. Hi thanks for looking at my page I need advice on this relation ship. Ok to start of I have meet this girl on a on line web site and I really feel in love with her. We have know each other for two yrs now. Every thing was great we hit it of good ...
A. 26 February 2011: hi MrMichael, I can tell this girl has really touched your heart, which only makes this situation so much tougher. While you were her secret LDR everything seemed wonderful. Because in the beginning I think she did come to trust and love you.
B... (read in full...)
He flirts but doesn't want a relationship!
Q. Why would a guy flirt heavily with a girl, tell how awesome she is and about how they think it'd be nice to kiss and cuddle but then say that they are not interested in a relationship? And how do I get him to want a relationship w/ me?...
A. 26 February 2011: he's offering you nothing but compliments. Bad sign.
Charming guys only interested in a short fling are heart breakers. Ask any woman married to a player. They will spell out the pain a player can cause.
A guy worth aspiring to want in your lif... (read in full...)
Exs and rebounds
Q. Will an ex come back after a rebound if you use no contact? What are ur experiences with this?...
A. 26 February 2011: they may come back once or even twice. But they still leave again. Once they leave once, but then come back to try again, but then leave a second time never bother with them ever again as you cannot rely on them. And when ever the going gets tough ... (read in full...)
How can I gain clarity about my situation?
Q. This is my life. I live with my girlfriend. I get up for work at 6am everyday and return around 7pm. My girlfriend does odd jobs and persues her creative work. We have not had a sexual relationship for well over a year. I don't really know how this ...
A. 26 February 2011: you are obviously a good and reasonable man. the fact that you function well at work tells me this is so.
And thank goodness you have work as your sanctuary. But apart from work you have no support network. Even worse you have two females, who you ... (read in full...)
Is no sexual attraction to husband a deal breaker?
Q. Can you guys tell me what you think...Is not being sexually attracted to your husband a deal breaker in a marriage? We have been together 14 years and have children. There was a spark and chemistry between us when we first met and into the first ...
A. 26 February 2011: and yes, i would agree that if a woman finds there is no sexual attraction between her and the other party then she should not have to endure making love to him.
But if she is married to him, and there are children of the marriage, and she once did ... (read in full...)
Is no sexual attraction to husband a deal breaker?
Q. Can you guys tell me what you think...Is not being sexually attracted to your husband a deal breaker in a marriage? We have been together 14 years and have children. There was a spark and chemistry between us when we first met and into the first ...
A. 26 February 2011: have you tried counselling? In all marriages there is an unspoken often unacknowledged marriage contract (examples at end)
Break that marriage contract and the marriage goes sour and the relationship goes downhill, often with the couple not know... (read in full...)
Husband texting his ex personal info on facebook, should I be worried?
Q. My husband and I will be married 15 years tomorrow. We have three beautiful children together and are expecting our fourth this summer. Today, he received a friend request from a girl he used to date in high school on Facebook. He once told me that ...
A. 26 February 2011: you should be floored and upset.
Do not confront him yet. Get a girlfriend to book you and her a table for two in her name at this same restaurant for a booking starting 20 minutes after his booking. Say nothing about going to lunch. Go to the venu... (read in full...)
Our little weekend away is turning into a guys thing!
Q. Hi all, my boyfriend of 4 years and I were supposed to go on a little getaway to the casino/hotel for a few days. I was looking forward to it as we never went anywhere by ourselves just the two of us. The past 2 days he has kind of been ignoring...
A. 26 February 2011: he is not as 'into' you as you think. Casino? He may prefer to gamble with his friend rather than spend quality time with you.
If his attitude continues then you should think about looking around for a guy who is truly into you.
Because 'tired a... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend don't know what to do about the rumors surrounding our relationship!
Q. My BF is hearing rumors from ppl about me and him and I'm getting sick and tired of it, and so is he. My BF and I were actually thinking about breaking up the other day because of it all. There just is to much drama. We decided to stay together...
A. 25 February 2011: there is a vicious nasty jealous person out there, male or female, who wants to break you up. Watch for anyone male or female who flirts with one of you. Or an ex of one of you.
Someone close to one or both of you is doing this tp you.
If you real... (read in full...)
Is this love or FWBs?
Q. Is this love or am I a friend with benefit? My friend told me that all he could be to me was a friend. He told me that he had feelings for me, but that he could not tell me what I wanted to hear. Yet, I never have pressured him to tell me that he ...
A. 25 February 2011: he likes you, he likes to check in regularly to keep you tied emotionally to him to ensure that you remain exclusive to him. He does this by attention to you for a few moments daily. He even keeps you interested by throwing out an occasional carrot ... (read in full...)
He tells me he loves me, but he tells his friend something altogether different
Q. My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch, with multiple breakups. Now, we are back together, and he insists that he loves me and wants to be with me. However, he tells his best friend that he wishes he would have broken up with me the first ...
A. 24 February 2011: That is conclusive enough proof for me. Thank you for the follow up. So sorry to hear that. He's guilty of lies to you. He's crass and not ready to love a woman.
And he's history as far as a boyfriend in my eyes. When he's progressed in his matu... (read in full...)
Husband's friend doesn't seem to like me, but I get on really well with his wife! Help!
Q. Oakie dokie then, I am getting concerned regarding a friendship, it may be a little on the difficult side to explain but here goes: My husband has made frinds with a guy at work about 6 months ago, they get on really well and enjoy a good lau...
A. 24 February 2011: Always trust your instincts. Mine have been spot on several times when it counted.
This man, I'll call him X, so as not to offend all the lovely men call Tom in the world (i'm smiling). X is being unbearably rude to you. And sounds like a cont... (read in full...)
He tells me he loves me, but he tells his friend something altogether different
Q. My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch, with multiple breakups. Now, we are back together, and he insists that he loves me and wants to be with me. However, he tells his best friend that he wishes he would have broken up with me the first ...
A. 24 February 2011: a loyal boy friend would never do this. Are you sure he said those words?
Or is someone else telling you he said those words?
Words flow easily from the mouth of a liar. And if really is telling his friend that and also telling you somethin... (read in full...)
I have a demanding job but he compares me to housewives who cook and clean
Q. Hi: I don't know what to do with my relationship. My bf and I have been fighting for months now. I am not sure what is going on but it seems to be a disagreement on both of us on house chores. We both have very demanding jobs; and it is hard for ...
A. 24 February 2011: You are both competitive driven people. With a possibly high dose of selfish gene thrown into the mixture too. With a need to win. And both knowing how things SHOULD be.
So if this issue was no longer there to be an issue, then you can bet the dome... (read in full...)
I lost my confidence after my first relationship!
Q. My ex-girlfriend used to abuse me and scold me so much that I have lost my confidence completely . Whenever I try talking to girl , my body starts crumbling and I can’t figure out what to say and what not to. I am so low on confidence that I f...
A. 24 February 2011: you have been bullied by your ex. I have no doubt of that, because of your reaction.
And you will survive it and come out of it stronger. But there is a bit of work to do on yourself first. If you can try to find the following two books- 'I'm OK, ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm invisible to my fiance
Q. Okay, So here is my problem. We have been together for over a year now. We live together and are engaged planning to get married this October. However, I haven't been so happy, have been confused, and stressed out about the plans for the wedding ...
A. 24 February 2011: This is a recipe for how not to start married life.
Firstly he is just not into you. Perhaps for benefits, but he seems to enjoy being with his friends more than you. Red Flag one.
I am going to concentrate on you. Because first and foremost... (read in full...)
Having an affair with a married man...
Q. I'm a daycare teacher and currently having an affair with one of my parents. I know it's horrible but I'm enjoying every second of it. Every morning he drops his child off we chat but don't flirt to not make it obvious. But we know deep down we want ...
A. 24 February 2011: well done, if you have decided the cut your ties with him. The next stage will be hard on you. Do not expect him to be your friend once you make the break. Do not tell him face to face. Your tears will make him want to comfort you, next and arm to ... (read in full...)
Is my brother in danger? He is dating an older married woman and I think he is out of his depth.....
Q. Is my brother in danger? He is 21 and in a relationship with a woman who my family think is about 39. My family who are very different in opinion on other things in life diverse all agreethat they are very concerned about this but dont know what to ...
A. 23 February 2011: He is an adult. So if he thinks she is over-stepping boundaries then that is his job to address it, if he determines it is a problem to him, and if yes, then he needs to keep her in line.
He's not a little boy. For his own self esteem he does... (read in full...)
Must I move on with my life rather than being with someone who doesn't tell me he loves me?
Q. me and my boyfriend are going out for 5 months he sometimes dont call me for 3 days and he does not tell me he loves me not even if i ask him,he only says im special to him last weekend he did not call should i call him? must i move on with my life ...
A. 22 February 2011: here is the last little bit of my previous message (i pressed send too soon!)
: yes you may have to think about moving on. To be with a guy who is better attuned to you. Who wants what you want.
And who will want to tell you he loves you.
An... (read in full...)
Must I move on with my life rather than being with someone who doesn't tell me he loves me?
Q. me and my boyfriend are going out for 5 months he sometimes dont call me for 3 days and he does not tell me he loves me not even if i ask him,he only says im special to him last weekend he did not call should i call him? must i move on with my life ...
A. 22 February 2011: he is not behaving like a guy in love. More like a guy who finds you convenient.
Is he a very shy guy? Or does he lack confidence in himself? Or is he diffident and afraid to show his feelings?
If none of the above then is he just inconsiderat... (read in full...)
I cant stand his children and I don't know what to do anymore!
Q. im thinking i really need some advice from someone who isnt a family member and can see this from my p.o.v, ive been with my now fiancee for 2 years he has 4 kids from a previous marriage. i already set myself up as this guy is 35 and i am 22, he ...
A. 21 February 2011: now you know why his wife left. This is far too big a burden for you.
Plus you are still getting over the grief at losing your Nan. Which would not be easy.
Your Mom is smart to keep her distance from these rudderless children. She is possibly... (read in full...)
I want him back! How do I find out if he feels the same way?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year almost 3 months ago, and it was a sticky situation. His Dad had made things difficult for us, and had told my ex that we only lusted for each other, and didn't really love each other. My ex doubted how we ...
A. 21 February 2011: I'm happy for you, and if it helps ease your pain and separation anxiety from your beloved then all power to you.
Pour you love into it, try to focus on the positive, but treasure it, as something you do not share with others. Because ulimately it i... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I had a miscarriage? I don't want to stress him out...
Q. I just found out I had a miscarriage,I didn't know I was pregnant so you can imagine I'm still a bit shaken, my question is about my boyfriend. We have a long distance relationship, things have been a bit rough lately and he's really stressed out ...
A. 21 February 2011: Of course he should know as he is the father?
You need support, you must feel just terrible.
It is a major and sad thing to lose a baby, even if you did not know that you were pregnant.
This is not the sort of thing a loving partner would no... (read in full...)
I abruptly cut off all contacts from the person who means the most to me, because I have herpes. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hi Ags I was diagnosed with herpes two years ago so I stayed single because I'm humiliated about it and didn't want to get rejected by men. Somehow along the way I've fallen in love with a man who's also in love with me. We've been going out for ...
A. 21 February 2011: You can only infect someone if you have an existing sore. Talk to your Doctor. Read up any literature your Doctor suggests you read.
I do not know the statistics but it would appear that people with herpes do give birth to children without ... (read in full...)
Is an intimate relationship worth all the arguments and heartache that come with it?
Q. It's me again. I have a complex question here. I know that not everyone will like what I am going to ask. My question is...Is an intimate relationship really worth all the arguments and heartache that come with it? I know that this question...
A. 21 February 2011: A good intimate relationship should not be full of arguments.
In a good relationship there is harmony.
Are you sure that you like who you are and accept who you are, warts and all? If yes then you will be easier to love.
If you embrace "I'm OK ... (read in full...)
My wife who is separated from me is now engaged to her ex...while we're technically still married!
Q. Well my wife and I been seperated for 8 months now. I still love her with all my heart. We have 1 child together which is 3 years old. Just recently she anounced that she is engaged to her x boyfriend that she dated twice in the past. The problem is ...
A. 21 February 2011: You wife can get engaged while still waiting for her divorce. That is technically possible. She can even live with this man before she is divorced. That happens.
But she must divorce you before she can remarry.
If she remarries before her divorce ... (read in full...)
I want him back! How do I find out if he feels the same way?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year almost 3 months ago, and it was a sticky situation. His Dad had made things difficult for us, and had told my ex that we only lusted for each other, and didn't really love each other. My ex doubted how we ...
A. 21 February 2011: Of course he feels good about you. Just his actions and reactions tell you that. But he has to grow in maturity. just like you. Amd respect his parents wishes just like you.
If you both try hard and do well at school then the career paths you want... (read in full...)
I want him back! How do I find out if he feels the same way?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year almost 3 months ago, and it was a sticky situation. His Dad had made things difficult for us, and had told my ex that we only lusted for each other, and didn't really love each other. My ex doubted how we ...
A. 21 February 2011: Time heals eveything but when still young a time period feels like an eternity. If we have to endure delayed gratification.
And I would not blame you if all you wanted to read were enabling answers that spelled out exactly how you can try to abus... (read in full...)
We broke up, she said don't contact me. So why is she now texting me?
Q. So my ex girlfriend texted me a while ago. Before we had a huge fight i won't bore u with the details and she told me not to contact her again. So then a month later i see her cuz were off of break and back at school and, she walks behind me. So i ...
A. 20 February 2011: She likes being in control. Together you had a huge fight that ended the relationship. She told you not to contact her again. She's arrogant enough to think you are still suffering the absence of her from your life.
She decided to taunt you by walk... (read in full...)
She's not a virgin but doesn't want to have sex with me!
Q. Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to read my question. Anyhow so I currently have a girlfriend. She is not a virgin; I am. We have been dating for 8 months now and I want to have sex but she keeps telling me she wants to wait until ...
A. 20 February 2011: you are no friend of this girl. And I applaud her for recognizing this fact and refusing your very base approach for sex.
No means No.
In any situation, marriage or a relationship No means No.
By jumping up and down complaining about her No you a... (read in full...)
My friend has withdrawn into a shell. I want to hep him!
Q. I have a problem and I just cannot seem to find the way forward. Here's the thing, I fell in love with a good friend of mine about 3 years ago. Things were just fine with the usual ups and downs of a what was mostly a long distance relation...
A. 20 February 2011: you sure are a good friend.
he may need professional expert support. You can demonstrate empathy, listen to him. But if his issues are more serious it will wear you out emotionally and possibly delay him getting the expert medical attention he need... (read in full...)
How can I hide from my husband that I'm not a virgin
Q. im not virgin and im going to married in 1 year and so how can i hide from my husband...
A. 20 February 2011: in the Western culture very few men are virgins on the wedding night. But most women all over the world understand that the concept VIRGIN is a very big deal to men.
Truth is important.
But for those women living in a culture where, even if they ... (read in full...)
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Q. do u think once a cheater is always a cheater? thanks for ur comments in advance....
A. 20 February 2011: what a lovely followup. You made my day! Thank you male 22-25.
If you choose to sign up to DC (if you have not yet chosen a name yet), then feel free to consider signing up to DC as MrGenuineGoodGuy (or similar). My best wishes to you, Abella... (read in full...)
What do I do with my intense love/hate relationship with my gf??
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, because my ex and I have a love-hate relationship. I've lost count of how many times she's dumped me and vice versa. Both of she and I work so hard to stay out of each others way so we can move on but then l...
A. 19 February 2011: the good thing is that you do not feel apathy. But instead are still passionate towards each other, even if the passion is far too destructive and hurtful to each other.
Your ego's need to be put on a shelf at the front door.
You are both too comb... (read in full...)
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Q. do u think once a cheater is always a cheater? thanks for ur comments in advance....
A. 19 February 2011: PS
I know men will often try to claim that both men and women (implying equal percentages of each) do commit domestic violence and do cheat.
But my perception is that just as more domestic violence is committed by men more often, than women.. ... (read in full...)
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Q. do u think once a cheater is always a cheater? thanks for ur comments in advance....
A. 19 February 2011: I think there are people (male and female) who go off the rails, and make a bad decision, cheat, get found out, learn from it, discover how much pain they and cheating have caused - and decide that cheating is not the way to go.
Because chea... (read in full...)
Two guys like me and I like both of them!
Q. Two guys like me. I like both of them. One of them asked me to be their girlfriend and I don't know what to do. I've made a pros and cons list. I can't find anything bad about going out with either of these guys besides that if I choose one the ...
A. 19 February 2011: when you find you like two guys and you can't differentiate between the two it often signals that they are nice genuine guys who it would best to keep as good friends. Who are there for you, and who you can talk thinks over with.
But neither are ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I have been together a year and I'm a virgin. But is he a sex addict?
Q. Hello, i've been in relationship for a year, and then got engaged to a guy, but i feel inside he is sex addicted. we 've never been in a sexual relationship and i am still virgin, even in my thoughts about love.. last time we went out we were exc...
A. 19 February 2011: at 22-25 age range it is entirely up to you decide your boundaries and expect others to respect your boundaries once you have made it clear to them.
If he desires you sexually and he's chosen you as his future wife, but you have remained in the rela... (read in full...)
I want to understand this. Could a guy get a girl pregnant even if he never put his penis inside her vagina?
Q. if a boy masturbates himself and gets his seminal fluid (cum) on his fingers and immediately afterwards performs cunnilingus on a girl, and puts his wet fingers in her vagina while he fingers her, could that pass on diseases or cause pregnancy? ...
A. 19 February 2011: yes yes yes and a few million more yes's - because it only take ONE sperm to get you pregnant.
And when the guy pushes his fingers (covered in his just ejaculated semen) coated with the stuff and inserts his fingers up a woman's vagina he's just... (read in full...)
Do we try again?
Q. So long story short, my last girl and i broke up and i suspected her of having feelings for her ex thus causing our break up. but she said she would never date him or feel that way about him again. and too my suprise...they started dating a month ...
A. 18 February 2011: do you want to start again because she's available? And convenient? And to try to redress all the things you could have done better earlier?
And if yes to the latter, then why?
If you are intent on making it really work this time then take it slowl... (read in full...)
Having an affair with a married man...
Q. I'm a daycare teacher and currently having an affair with one of my parents. I know it's horrible but I'm enjoying every second of it. Every morning he drops his child off we chat but don't flirt to not make it obvious. But we know deep down we want ...
A. 18 February 2011: how long are you planning to let this budding affair run? three months? Three years? Or thirty years? Already you can designate this time as your wasted hours or your 'lost' years, depending on the duration of the affair.
And how much are you will... (read in full...)
| *bella's friends
These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
