A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i'm very desperate for a relationship. it's a natural thing but not said much but i masterbate almost every night due to stress. i've tried to cope this week and i did well talking to friends but just can't talk to girls in person. I wouldn't want to use a girl or sound too awkward here but i jus want to passionately kiss a girl and get blowjobbed. I used to have a relationship with a girl who passionately kissed me but she had to move house (apparently) but i wasn't too sure about the girl in the end but just had swiftly moved on from her. What do i do? I've had so much advice from people and it's the same thing 'you're only 16' 'you're still young' 'you've to make more friends first' but ugh it's just not working! :'(
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 ok, first off 'desperate' can show on your face and your actions, your words and your demeanor. And such 'desperate' signals will be a turn off for others.You Don't have to look like Justin Beiber to interest girls. That fact proved to me yesterday where i saw a guy around 16 who some might (if honest) think of him as fairly ugly and a bit messy and obese, and yet he was passionately pashing a very pretty girl, one who most people would think could reel in a jock with ease. She was seriously into him. ( i assume he is very good at kissing, or something??)So it is not about looks.It is about an inner self confidence and an assuredness - both of which you can develop.First you have to really value you, and your talents.And for a while you need to focus on other things, while still looking good and keeping fit.Things like building up more belief in yourself. And building up your self confidence. And learning to value all the good things in you. Because you already embody all the good attributes and things that will appeal to a nice girl. But due to circumstances you just have not yet connected with such a girl or not yet recognised a girl you already know, who would love to be your girl friend.Are there any small part time job you could take on? Because doing some work and earning a little money could improve your confidence in you. Or are there any community events or projects or school projects where you could volunteer and work with others as that would also bring you into contact with others and improve your confidence in you.I also think reading some of the articles on relationships and dating - detailed in DC might be helpful. Look at the profiles of top Aunts like Tisha and others and you will see great advice her profile.Physically i am sure you are already in good shape, but getting out and about for physical exercise is a great way for girls to notice you. So get out and walk and cycle in the fresh air. Also visit a local pool and swim 100 laps each time. Because Physically fit guys are very appealing to girls. Girls are more likely to get interested in you if you don't look as if you are trying too hard. It is also a 'numbers game' until you work out your type. And knock-backs are normal until you work out your type. You may have to approach 100 girls and get 99 knockbacks before you manage to hit the jackpot with a girl who recognises you as 'her type' and who you too recognise is 'your type'.Your type is the girl who will melt for you and who most excites you, But who is almost always most likely to say 'yes' to your approach.Also look at the profile for anonymousmale1 anonymousmale123- i am not sure which one - but one of them has fantastic dating advice. When you go into a room check out how the girls appear, cross off your list the girls who are too loud, too tarty, too abrupt, too bitchy appearing. Concentrate on who remains. These are the quieter more thoughtful girls, likely to welcome your approach.Occasionally a girl approaches you first. Show respect for her having the courage to approach you first. Listen to her, chat to her. Determine if you like her. But most times it is you who will need to be the one who does the first approach. You can use a little flattery. Practise it at home. Don't approach girls in a big group as that is too intimidating. If you see a girl with just one or two girl friends then wait until the one you want is momentarily detached from her group and approach her then. 'hi, i came her hoping to talk to the prettiest girl in the room and i think I've just met her. Hello, my name is.... What's your nane?' extend your hand and touch her hand, pause, while holding her hand, look into her eyes and smile and drop your hand. Then asks her more about her. Practise at home so it feels natural,First and foremost recognise your are defined by what YOU think of YOU.And that your reputation will be built on how you behave and your actions. Your actions should always be respectful and honorable. Girls LOVE guys who behave well.You are not defined by who does or does not like you, or who does or does not see value in you. What other people think of you, including those who reject you, is none of your business.Focus your energies on the people who do support, value you, and demonstrate respect for you. Because you do not have time for any other people because life is for living and having a happy productive life.When you least expect it a lovely young lady will enter your life. When she does take it slowly, and treasure every moment and enjoy. Good luck, regards, Abella
A
female
reader, justjess +, writes (26 March 2011):
 "I wouldn't want to use a girl or sound too awkward here but i just want to passionately kiss a girl and get blowjobbed"If thats all you want a girlfriend for you've got a long wait ahead of you. So are those the only two things you want in a relationship? If they are then you'll find yourself waiting awhile. What you want will be projected in how you act, how you hold yourself, and most likely what you say, and if you come across as a prick who just wants to use a girl as a sexual object, then most self respecting girls will walk away. Not saying you are a prick or anything, I am just saying this based upon that one line I have quoted.You need to chill, take a step back figure out if you just want 'sex' or if you want a relationship where there is an emotional conection as well. Once you've decided, you can take it from there
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