A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a random question,I'm 26 and worried my dad is cheating on my mom?My dad travels away for business every week. I have been living away from home for 9 years. I just moved home and noticed a big distance between my parents. My dad will mock my mum and not want to spend time with her. My mum is lovely but has been a house wife since i was born. She has little social experience, and hardly any friends, as they moved towns. She has a big heart. But remember when i was a teenager she was easy to lie to, if i had to sneak out. I'm a little sus that my dad is seeing another lady. Like i went to one of his work functions, and my mom and i were talking to his work mate who's his PA and she seemed very nervous and awkward. I dont know if i'm reading into this to much? like i did ask my mum casually if every thing was ok and she brushed it off saying yes. Please am i over analyzing this or should i be worried 4 my ma?? x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys yeah im not going to jump to any thing. But some thing is going on, like could be any thing, an illness maybe? but they like to keep things to them self. I don't want to get involved. But every time im in a room with them its like there's a big elephant in the room. I cant wait to move out next week it's to weird.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Don't assume your dad cheats on your mum without hard evidence. So far what you post is trivial in general. People have affairs and cheat when they sleep together every night, you don't have to leave town.Don't forget, it is painful to be falsely accused or find out that your were falsely suspected.I know this from experience. Years ago, people, people I thought were my friends, thought I was cheating on my wife because of work that spun out of control. But, it was work or be fired and lose our house. This caused my wife to suspect me of it, worry about it, and it harmed our previously solid marriage tremendously.I was working...just working...and working...and working...and I came home every night, home every weekend, home every holiday...and the long days stretched into months. We nearly lost everything...because of false assumptions and fear.She never told the full story till years later...and at first she wasn't sure that I hadn't been fooling around during that time.Assume nothing. Assume - Makes an Ass out of U and Me
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I agree with Abella...I might add that if you're 26 and you've wondered about this, I'm sure your mother has already wondered about it to. If your father is in fact cheating, the reasons she might not have done anything about it might be:1)She doesn't want to know the truth so she doesn't ask.2)She knows, but has decdided not to leave him so pretends it doesn't bother her. If he's not cheating and even if he is cheating,confronting your dad about it might make him take his anger out on your mom. You could talk to your mother, but ulitmately it's her choice if she wants to stay or leave your father.But, like Abella says, you can stick up for her when he puts her down or confront him about the way he treats her.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 I think there is far too little evidence, so try to avoid jumping to conclusions though I think you should keep that for careful consideration. Hope that it is not the case.
Their problems are between them, if it does irritate you (like it would any caring child), you should talk to your mother about it, talk to her about trying to sort things out so that he will stop mocking her and talk to him about it too.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 You appear to really care, and you sense that your Mom may be in a vulnerable position. And it is horrible if your Mom is suffering put downs from your father. If your father is cheating he may have done it for longer than you realise. And be a very accomplished at covering his tracks and telling lies. Such that your Mom does not suspect a thing.
Besides he may not be cheat again. Instead it may be a health issue
Maybe you could help your Mom lift her self esteem by first of all asking if the two of you could share an afternoon at a day-spa? And then maybe choose to attend a gym with her regularly? Better fitness can result in people feeling more confident. Some people are not good at making friends, and may only feel comfortable in one on one relationships. Maybe your Mom would join a walking (outside) group if you attended with her the first few times. This might allow her to get used to the idea of making new friends. Some people find it very difficult to talk to strangers. That problem can result from low self esteem.
Try not to be the unwelcome messenger. Work on honoring your Mom and all that she does well.
If your father is cheating then the worst thing for him will be if his duplicity is revealed. So if he is cheating he is more likely to go on the offence, and react with outrage, if he is accused of cheating.
So an indirect way might be to engage your father in conversation and mention that you've noticed the way he speaks to his wife in a non-respectful manner. And that you sense a change in atmosphere at home. That there's some dis-harmony, made worse by his remarks.
And ask,'is there a problem?' Don't let him get away with calling it a 'joke'. Because verbal put downs are not 'a joke'
Ask him if he would consider couples counselling to get you both back to how things once were.
A good counsellor should be able to get them both talking about what ails them. And get them to both recognise if some good changes could improve their relationship. But they must be willing to try to solve their own problems together. You cannot fix their relationshipj if it truly is breajing down.
But you can be there to listen and support them, together or individually, if they ask.
But solving their marriage issues is their problem.
It's a tough issue, so i hope there is good family support returning an evident. evident soon
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