A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im a 26 year old mother of one and a daughter to a 47yr old woman.I was dating a guy it started to get quite serious so after a few months of us dating,we moved in together.We were living together for a year before things started to change,i ended it with him about a year ago but remained close friends.After a while he became a stalker and keeped begging for months for me to take him back,but i didnt want that for me and my daughter so moved away.It was really hard for me to let go completely as we had a huge bond and i felt he could change so without me letting him know were i lived i kept him as a friend.Our friendship stopped 3 months ago as he found it to hard as he still had huge feeling for me,which was hard but i knew it was best for both of us. let alone when he wanted to stop contact he had already hooked up with my mother.I dont know how to take this i did not think that he or she could do that to me it hurts.They want to take it further they haven't had sex yet as far as i know but still been intimate,the reason they may not have is because she is married,also he is training to be a minister.My mum is not only being dishonest to me about things but also her husband,im still in contact with her but not sure if should be as it hurts.Would love answers but not getting any from her,and dont know if should tell her husband please help.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 it's almost too much to comprehend that your mother would do this. And that a man intending to be a Minister would contemplate a relationship with a woman who is already in a relationship.
I can imagine you may be feeling betrayed. Plus his relationship with your Mom is almost a 'revenge/pay back' relationship by him, against you.
And that possibility is horrible, because it means that later your mother may want to cry on your shoulder, when it ends. He must know that he is hurting you now, and possibly intending to hurt your mother later. I do think you did the right thing, by breaking up with him. You sensed something was not right about him, and you were right. I would not want to see him within ten miles of you and your daughter
You need to step away. And not be the messenger. Her husband will realise soon enough, if he has not realised already. Don't you be the one to bring him the bad news. They are all adults. And are responsible for themselves.
Your first priority is you and your child.
And due to the level of betrayal in this situation, and how awkward it will become, and the fact that this is all going to end in tears i would suggest that you keep a distance from it all, be well mannered, courteous, but very 'busy'.
Honestly your Mom is giving out far 'too much information' Was the 'intimate' issued brought to your attention as a way to get your approval ? You do not need to get involved in that issue.
It is bad taste of your Mom or your ex to even bring the issue of their 'intimacy' with you.
Your Mom has willingly and selfishly brought this pain to your life.
Make a decision to schedule some interesting activities with your child, away from whatever your Mom is doing.
It is also inappropriate for your child to visit your Mom's home at the moment, as tension will surely soon be erupting at your Mom's home and your child should not have to witness that.
For the same reason it is inappropriate for your Mom and your ex to visit your home.
You can't tell your Mom how to live her life. But you can protect your child, and your heart from being abused.
Just think of all the great things you can do with your child, away from what is likely to be uproar very soon.
Great things like:
Visiting the park, feeding ducks, going to see waves crashing if you are near the sea, showing her how to cook easy things, or just watch you making good things, showing her how to make paper planes, reading stories, singing to music, learning how to make music in different sized containers filled with water at different levels, planting vegetables that grow quickly, (deep fried radishes taste amazing), visiting the library, the art gallery, the museums, visiting a zoo if there is one nearby, learn how to make balloon shapes.
You and your child can have lots of fun and keep active and busy, away from all this drama, and demonstrate to your child how real people live, respectfully, in peace and harmony.
Best wishes, Abella
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry that you're in pain. Your story is unheard of..just when you think you know it all..
Your ex still have feelings for you now, but is dating your mom? He's studying to become a minister?
I hate to judge people that I don't know, but you have the few "unique" people in your life. Moms don't date daughter's exes, exes don't date moms..this is like an episode of "jerry springer show" u know its all fake, however in your case is real life case.
I am glad you made the right decision a year ago. Your ex behavior shows his character, morals & integrity. I am not sure if he's suitable to be a minister, has absolutely nothing to teach or will not be the right person to give advice, when himself cannot even make right decisions in his life.
I would talk to your mom & tell her that you know.. This is not fair to your mothers husband either.. He has the right to know the truth & have the right to choose what he wants to do, this is he's life!!!
What your ex & your mom are doing is dishonest, betrayal, cheating!! They have no right to hurt you & your mothers husband!
Whatever they decide, they should do the right way..this include telling you & your mothers husband the truth!! They're not the only one involved, they're not the only ones that have the right to choose!
Don't let them get away easily! Don't have sympathy for people that lie & cheat! Besides loosing a love one, this is the most painful experience & this will take a long time to heal & will traumatize you for life!
You seem like a wise woman, don't deserve this & wish well!
Good luck!
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