A
female
age
30-35,
*evoted love
writes:Dear Cupid I have the most wonderful but very troubled boyfriend. He has recently been admitted to psychiatric care as his depression and schizophrenia got out of control. I managed to get him admitted to care as I was concerned about him. His family has abandoned him and his parents sighed away there parental rights when he was institutionalized. He has been neglected by his patients and brother his entire life and has struggled with depression since he was 10 years old. The main problem in his life now however is his ex. She abused him mentally, physically and sexually for a number of years and came back into his life after she found out I was dating him. She is manipulative I wont go into how much I dislike her and into detail about what she has done to him as I want this to be accepted.My bf struggled with his illness and had a lot of trouble accepting that he needed help and if it were not for a wonderful woman on this website I think he would have gone back to her and would be abused by her once again. I love him with all my heart and im going to stand by him. But how can I protect him from his ex. He is delusional and sometimes has urges to go back to her as he thinks she can help him with his illness. Bus she can’t she just wants to use him to get pregnant for her own twisted reasons. I have contacted the police and we will soon have a restrain order against her. But if my bf relapsed and wanted to go back to her how can I stop him I need advice on talking to him when he is delusional and how I can get him to see that she is BAD for him. She has stalked him drugged him and abused him. We have reported all the crimes to the police and they are working on there investigation so please post this he is not in danger now he is safe in care.So lovely community of dear cupid how can I save my boyfriend from this darkness how can I ensure that he stays where he is safe and away from her. He is getting his own place and a social worker when he gets out of care and that will probably be in six weeks or so.Thank you for reading and thank you in advance for your answers please if you need me to clarify something just ask il be happy to do soAll the best Dearly loved
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): The help you have been giving him sounds a tough gig. It sounds like you are very caring and helpful to your friend. Any illness can put a strain on a relationship. But that illness is especially difficult. Friends often distance themselves because they run out of 'give' to give to the ill person. Even without illness, teen relationships do break up. I am not saying it is inevitable, though be prepared for that possibility. I hope he has been able to improve his life a little with good treatment. It sounds like you have been an important steadying influence for him.Don't blame yourself if it gets too hard and you have to walk away for your own self preservation. If that happens then maybe just let him know that you'll be a friend and find time to talk to him from time to time, or drop in to see he is Ok, even if you do cease to be bf and gf. It can be extra lonely for a teen with that illness and just occasionally touching base can mean the world to a person with this illness. At times it can be problematic, if he's vulnerable and gets tied up, with those who might want to take advantage. True friends are very precious and very important in these situations. Even platonic friends.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Okay, as long as you make sure to run EVERYTHING he tells you through his doctor and/or verify it independently.
The problem is after all delusions, he imagines things and can't always tell them apart.
Talk to his doctor and ask for advice on how to help. In most cases they want partners to be involved since the wrong actions can easily undo their work.
Just be very careful, not just for his sake but for your own. It is a serious mental disease and it won't go away. Many people get burned up. That is probably what happened to his family.
It isn't nice but sometimes the best option is to walk away if you can't be there long term. Remember, if things get though, that there are support groups for relatives of patients. Find such a group if you need some understanding/advice from people who have gone through the same thing.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 also i meant to say, when he comes out he may still be tired and overwhelmed about all that has just happened to him. Keep things calm. Try to keep him away from stress. Little things may upset him while he is still regaining his strength. Be guided by what the Doctors and therapists suggest.
You don't have to go around on tippy
toes, nor be a doormat (i don't sense
that would be that! Anyone convincing enough to get a sick loved one admitted into short term care has great strength)
Don't underestimate all that you have just been through. You may not call it being a 'carer' but that is exactly what you have been = a carer.
And from reading your post, a very able one too.
Find out what the therapists and your boyfriend and his Doctors think will make a difference and help.
But don't try to be there 24/7. You need scheduled breaks too.
So if you can get him to also join some day therapy as he gets better, then that willl help you get breaks.
My best wishes to you,
Abella
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 April 2011):
Hi
First off I am going to give you the benefit of no doubt as I do not believe you would claim that your boy friend was ill if this was not the case.
And in the circumstances where you mention that "he has been neglected by his parents (I think your post meant Parents) and brother all his life" - well this can happen in some families and that would no doubt be an added burden for him.
So I am also going to assume that the Doctors have kept you appraised of the situation and therefore you have been through more before he was admitted.
No one is admitted to a psychiatric facility unless they are seriously ill. In reality it is often very difficult to get a person admitted even when the family are desperate and pleading for their loved one to be admitted. And therefore I have no doubt that the Doctors have assessed him and advised of what is the problem that they will be treating. You are young to take on so much responsibility so do make time for yourself as well.
If the Doctors thought that you were not helpful to his recovery the doctors would consider restricting your access to him while he is being treated. But the Doctors are not doing that, so it seems that they are involving you and keeping you informed. Therefore if the trained professionals think you are doing everything right then clearly you are doing very well at doing all the right things to help support your boyfriend.
I certainly do not get the impression that you think you can 'treat' nor 'heal' your boyfriend to get him better. All you can do is offer him is your support, which clearly you are doing. Only a delusional fool would ever think they could get a seriously ill person better (where that seriously ill person has already been diagnosed by the doctors as having these illnesses)
If his parents signed away their parental rights then the rights, if he is under eighteen. would now vest with authorities. But you will obviously remain important in his life as his girl friend so he is very lucky to have such a caring girl friend.
If his ex has treated him badly in the past and drugged and abused him in the past then you did the right thing to report this to the Police. Make sure the doctors are also well aware of this abuse and the risk his ex might pose to his recovery. The police might make some suggestions about what can be done. At least while he is in care his ex cannot get to him, one hopes. Have a good chat to the Citizen's Advice Bureau people and find out what other legal remedies might exist to support your boyfriend from being harassed by his ex, once he leaves the facility.
If his parents have signed away their parental rights then there must be another adult or a government agency that is taking over responsibility for his rights, since although you can be consulted you are not yet 18 so consult with the agency and the person in that agency who are now helping him as a guardian in lieu of parents. Even once he is 18 it will be important to ensure that he is well supported by you.
I will try to think of more remedies that might be able to assist you re this troublesome ex.
In the interim please take lots of care of you too.
Regards
Abella
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A
female
reader, Devoted love +, writes (10 April 2011):
Devoted love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi My bf has been diognosed with depression and Schizophrenia. His ex does not want to help him only use him and abuse him.I have had his claims confurmed me and a few freinds even had to get him from her house. His ex is an abusive criminal lierMy bf hears voices and only sees breif delutions like flashes of someithing that is not there. Im not trying to be his theropist. He has one. I love him and i just want to be able to support him. I need to help him overvome this.His ex does not want to help him i do i love and care for him
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (10 April 2011):
Okay, in your post you make claims about him being delusional AND schizophrenic. Now, this is important HAS he been DIAGNOSED with delusional schizophrenia? That is NOT some "harmless" mental disease. About the only term missing is paranoid and you got a very ill person.And of the problem in dealing the seriously mentally ill is that they are often very good at manipulating the truth. I wonder how much of what he told you about his past and ex, you have independently verified with an open mind?It might all be true but then why do you claim he has delisions and is schizophrenic? "Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences, to think logically, to have normal emotional responses, and to behave normally in social situations"So, you claim he has this disorder BUT all his relationship troubles are entirely due to others? Now, family often grows apart from mental patients because it ain't easy to life with someone who can't be reasoned with. It might be the disease doing it but that doesn't mean the poisonous effects on a relationship ain't real.And then there is the GF, who wishes to heal. You claim his ex wants to do that... how about yourself?It is not unknown for people to get drawn in by a mental patient, believing their delusions and in wishing to help, making it worse.Now, I don't know what is true or not about this story but why not spend these six weeks to examine it? And at the same time examine your own motivations for being with him and whether what you are doing is really helping him long term.GF's make lousy shrinks. I smell a bleeding heart looking for a cause. Not a nice observation but seen it before. And it does not help the patient at all.
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