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... Send *bella a private message | | | *bella's profile:"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie
I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 18 September 2012: I am sending this article to a truly Dear friend today who I know is grieving today. Suicide leaves such a cruel legacy for those left behind.
Today I feel my wonderful Dear friend might benefit from this article.
If you are suffering, havin... (read in full...)
My big crush. He wants to marry. But why is he behaving so weird?
Q. our relationship has been weird since the beginning . we were friends for like a month. but true all the month he kept pointing out that he liked me then he disappeared for like two weeks .and when he came back after a week we became boyfrien...
A. 16 June 2012: You are not stupid at all. Do not even think that. You were special to him and he was special to you for a certain period in your lives. That is still and always will be a beautiful memory.
And more beautiful memories will occur in the futu... (read in full...)
My big crush. He wants to marry. But why is he behaving so weird?
Q. our relationship has been weird since the beginning . we were friends for like a month. but true all the month he kept pointing out that he liked me then he disappeared for like two weeks .and when he came back after a week we became boyfrien...
A. 15 June 2012: I think he may want to concentrate on his studies at the moment. Though he may also be wishing to detach from you a little. If he means an inordinate and significant amount of emotional investment to you then that tells me that you need to develop ... (read in full...)
My big crush. He wants to marry. But why is he behaving so weird?
Q. our relationship has been weird since the beginning . we were friends for like a month. but true all the month he kept pointing out that he liked me then he disappeared for like two weeks .and when he came back after a week we became boyfrien...
A. 15 June 2012: what is best for you, and your future and ensuring that you are safe and comfortable with the situation, is important.
You are letting him know your boundaries. Respect
If he needs medical assistance he will have to make the first move. ... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my heartbreak? I slept with my ex. He said he loved me.Talked babies. Yet next day he 'forgot' to turn up?
Q. I slept with my ex, he said he loved me, discussed marriage babies etc. Yet this morning we had plans. However he did not arrive, then later on in the day I said I feel like an idiot and he sent me too. (modnote: did the OP mean, "and he said me too"...
A. 14 June 2012: Your ex is a man of shallow feelings. He was dishonest with you and he only said the things he thought would press your buttons. And you believed him because you are honorable and he is not.
His smooth words were a device to manipulate you to give... (read in full...)
Is my fear that he might be considering cheating going to unsettle our relationship?
Q. My bf signed up to dating site and now i am questioning every thing he has done in the past. I have always been insecure but he has stuck with me and been together three years, now have a beautiful baby girl together. We have been through so m...
A. 14 June 2012: yes, counselling to clarify these issues face to face with an empathic counsellor is an excellent idea. Also see your Doctor about your potential depression. Once things are clarified in conjuction with your chosen counsellor I think you will feel ... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: Two years is not a fling. Two years is a committed ongoing relationship. He is getting some form of satisfaction out of this emotional and intimate relationship.
Maybe she tells him lies he wants to hear.
Maybe she ignores traits that other wo... (read in full...)
Did I just get too used to being single?
Q. TL;DR I'm a bitter emotional cripple dating, for all I know, a very sweet woman. So I've been dating this woman for about a month and a half now, and I'm curious if either what I'm feeling is normal or I've got a personality disorder and jus...
A. 13 June 2012: Being single for a long time without a special person to consistently date can mean that you get set in your ways and start thinking that your way is the only way.
Pleasing yourself entirely has an upside as you generally get exactly what you want... (read in full...)
Is my fear that he might be considering cheating going to unsettle our relationship?
Q. My bf signed up to dating site and now i am questioning every thing he has done in the past. I have always been insecure but he has stuck with me and been together three years, now have a beautiful baby girl together. We have been through so m...
A. 12 June 2012: although professional drivers do get their share of drunk clients and even silly clients who offer sex instead of paying the fare it is also true that 99% of the drivers recognise that the offers from these silly clients are not worth the aggro ... (read in full...)
Is my fear that he might be considering cheating going to unsettle our relationship?
Q. My bf signed up to dating site and now i am questioning every thing he has done in the past. I have always been insecure but he has stuck with me and been together three years, now have a beautiful baby girl together. We have been through so m...
A. 12 June 2012: You may have some valid signs from past relationships and some past history of others you have know who have suffered a cheating partner and all this is coloring your view of your current relationship.
Plus this guy is so important to you that I th... (read in full...)
Lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex while in a relationship? Would it be cause for concern?
Q. Having lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex one-on-one when you're in a relationship. Is there anything wrong with this? My boyfriend's friend broke up with his fiancee because she flipped and found out her fiance did this, and this spurred...
A. 12 June 2012: A healthy strong relationship can handle this situation particularly if the lunching work colleages know the boundaries and respect the boundaries.Many work colleagues do have exactly this type of relationship. The interactions can vary from ... (read in full...)
No relationship initiated. But Major crush occurred. Is it possible I will never get over this?
Q. People always assume, you MUST have been with the actual person to be genuinely heartbroken. I obviously disagree, this idea is absurd. But recently I've been thinking about it, and people who argued about it may have been true. I had a 'thing' go...
A. 12 June 2012: Never assume is the best way to go forward.
This man will always have a place in your heart. How could he not? He meant a lot to you and still means a lot to you.
This is sad for you in the short term. And right now it weighs down heavy on you... (read in full...)
Will I be judged as a bad person if I go 'no contact' with my parent?
Q. Just wondering, is it better to honor a parent that usually has nothing positive to say about your life, and usually puts you down about your appearance, your home, your way of handling finances, raising your child etc. Or just to go cold turkey and ...
A. 11 June 2012: it is time you started putting yourself first.
your sister looking out for herself and will never put your interests ahead of her own.
but the fact that your sister heaps guilt trips on you - that fact alone is a good reason to ignore her. l... (read in full...)
I will see my crush one last time in a few weeks. I want to know if he as any feelings for me, but I fear rejection. What should I do???
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma right now. I have been in love with this guy for about half a year now and I will probably never get to be with him because he is going to uni this year and after that, our paths may never cross again. I'm only going to ...
A. 11 June 2012: Find the courage to go up to him. Wish him well. Keep it simple and hand him a copy of you email address. And tell him that you hope he does well at University as you pass him your email, suggesting with a smile that he, 'keep in touch'.
D... (read in full...)
A wall? Am I crazy? She says I have just pushed her away
Q. I have a issue that i'm not sure how to handle. Long story short, my wife of 5 years recently took a much needed vacation to her parents house and i took some time off from work to take care of the kids so she could get a little breather. While ...
A. 11 June 2012: hi
Boot is on the other foot
She is being a completely COLD uncaring irresponsible parent. Go see a Divorce lawyer now. Document it officially that she abandoned the children and left you penniless and left you 100% responsible for the children... (read in full...)
Will I be judged as a bad person if I go 'no contact' with my parent?
Q. Just wondering, is it better to honor a parent that usually has nothing positive to say about your life, and usually puts you down about your appearance, your home, your way of handling finances, raising your child etc. Or just to go cold turkey and ...
A. 11 June 2012: and protecting you from unjust unwanted behaviour can never mean that you are a bad person. And if you do take this action? And any one is daring to call you 'bad'? Walk away from such ignorant people. Instead your actions in doing this indicate tha... (read in full...)
Will I be judged as a bad person if I go 'no contact' with my parent?
Q. Just wondering, is it better to honor a parent that usually has nothing positive to say about your life, and usually puts you down about your appearance, your home, your way of handling finances, raising your child etc. Or just to go cold turkey and ...
A. 11 June 2012: if you read the book 'Toxic parents' (i bought my copy online) then you will see that, for some parents - the wisest and kindest thing adult children can do is to detach from contact.
If other people choose to judge then that is their problem, not ... (read in full...)
My big crush. He wants to marry. But why is he behaving so weird?
Q. our relationship has been weird since the beginning . we were friends for like a month. but true all the month he kept pointing out that he liked me then he disappeared for like two weeks .and when he came back after a week we became boyfrien...
A. 11 June 2012: i think he is a sweet boy but that he is not well. He may be scared to tell you how not well. Some people, (in error), self medicate with illicit drugs, when they start to feel unwell. In the hope that the drugs will fix the problem and address ... (read in full...)
Why are my friends lying about knowing this person?
Q. I am a friend of two guys, they are brothers. Her parents live overseas and each year they come here to visit them and stay in States for 6 months...I know them for long time ago and they are very nice with me. The make me feel like part of the f...
A. 10 June 2012: It sounds like you look like 'Anna' who ever Anna is. And ex girl friend? a former wife of one of the guys? Or a former employee who the guys knew as a very close friend?
It cannot be a sister as no mother would make that mistake. There is no ba... (read in full...)
A wall? Am I crazy? She says I have just pushed her away
Q. I have a issue that i'm not sure how to handle. Long story short, my wife of 5 years recently took a much needed vacation to her parents house and i took some time off from work to take care of the kids so she could get a little breather. While ...
A. 10 June 2012: Hi
If you can get her to agree to some relationship counselling then well and good.
You are definitely not crazy. Just exactly how does she claim you pushed her away and how you put up a wall? Sounds more likely you have been hard working and ... (read in full...)
Is he commitment shy? Or just fooling around? How genuine does he sound?
Q. hi, I'm badly hurt right now. No matter how hard i tried to move on but i just can't. There is this guy who happens to be my workmate and i have known him for a year already. We been going out exclusively and been intimate and shared our feeli...
A. 10 June 2012: I imagine this guy can be so very charming that he can make you feel super special. Players usually are so good at putting on a good show of charming. While you remain unquestioning of their way of behaving.
Very sadly for you this man sounds l... (read in full...)
I think the man I am dating is a closet gay and its really putting me off
Q. I am in my early 30's and have met a lovely guy in his late 20's.. however I am worried he is closet gay. As soon as I met I thought gay, the way he looks, hot but pretty, his clothes, his maner everything, he told me he wasnn't we kissed and had ...
A. 10 June 2012: I have worked with guys who are 100% hetrosexual loving husbands and honorable fathers to their children. But they dress nicely, sometimes very nicely, and reject the overt sexual offers from predatory females,who know they are married.
As a resu... (read in full...)
We've started talking again, but a relationship between us is impossible.
Q. I've had feelings for a guy for nearly 4 years and i've tried to stop them. I leave space between us in an attempt to cease my feelings for him and i focus my attention on other things but my feelings always come flodding back. at one point, i ...
A. 9 June 2012: hi
Is he older or younger?
I suspect older?
If younger he is not emotionally ready and deserves to be left alone. For he is a boy.
If he is older he has trouble relating to you, first because he cannot feel a connection when the age gap is w... (read in full...)
We've started talking again, but a relationship between us is impossible.
Q. I've had feelings for a guy for nearly 4 years and i've tried to stop them. I leave space between us in an attempt to cease my feelings for him and i focus my attention on other things but my feelings always come flodding back. at one point, i ...
A. 8 June 2012: I am very sorry you have been feeling so much for this guy.
There is a connection between the two of you but also the tension of 'history' between the two of you. And that unresolved tension seems to be holding you back from developing other poss... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 4 June 2012: You do understand the aspects.
All the more reason to formalize access arrangements and spell out some ground rules.
Relying on the 'good nature' of your ex to do the right thing as far as access to your child is a pipe dream and you know that. An... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 3 June 2012: hi Ulick,
Thank you for the update. You sound more resolved and emotionally strong.
Now you can get on with your life and start afresh.
The 'integrity' of this existing relationship is in complete tatters. And her integrity is zilch. Her game ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 1 June 2012: Thank you Maverick494 for your very understanding feedback. I truly appreciate your comments. Your post made me very reflectful. And that was, originally all I was going to say. But you inspired me to say more.
Interesting that you observed... (read in full...)
I need help with Job Interviews!
Q. hey aunties I need help please, the thing is in job interviews I can so nervous I start giggling, and not actually talking too much and showing my potential,when compared to other candidates I look stupid/silly and do not get the job, I really need ...
A. 31 May 2012: Do the research about the place before you front up. Employers want to know that you will be able to do the job, but also that you will 'fit in' with the other staff.
All businesses have a culture. If the culture is more formal then that it the pers... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad is a perve! How do I deal with this?
Q. So ever since I first met my boyfriends parents I noticed his dad was always staring at my boobs/bum/legs. I said nothing, just felt incredibly uncomfortable and just started wearing heaps of clothes when we see his parents. Somehow, he still ...
A. 24 May 2012: Well done for having the courage to raise this with your BF. He knows the truth now.
Hopefully he will do all he can to support you now that he has a better understanding of why you have felt uncomfortable around his father.
Deep down he knows hi... (read in full...)
My married man said I cant have no one else but him
Q. I have been with a married man for going on 8 months now and it seems that we go well together, meaning the relationship between us just keeps going, we dont seem to have any problems, yeah sometimes i get mad at him when i cant be with him but he ...
A. 24 May 2012: If he will cheat on his wife he will cheat on anyone including you. While you are amenable to his demands and accomodating of his needs he will tell you all the words you want to hear.
But it does not mean a thing to him
He will eventual... (read in full...)
How should I convo with him? He was looking at me. So why did he write to her?
Q. I like this guy were both 19 and hung out yesterday but they (him and his cousin) said i was quiet and it was awkward, but i don't get it, because I ask him like what he does for fun, what do you usually do? what sports you like? what kind of music ...
A. 24 May 2012: You are very welcome. I do hope it helps
Regards
Abella
... (read in full...)
How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him
Q. My question is #1 When you love a person how do you cope with rejection and inconsideration? #2 How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him? Here is my situation I am still in love wi...
A. 23 May 2012: hi, thank you for your lovely follow up.
Another retort when he acts up - next he will be trying to claim you don't love him, which is not true, is to remind him,
'Darling I love you, i just don't like some of your behavior towards me.' then smi... (read in full...)
How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him
Q. My question is #1 When you love a person how do you cope with rejection and inconsideration? #2 How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him? Here is my situation I am still in love wi...
A. 23 May 2012: He is a selfish guy for sure.
When you start being assertive it is going to freak him out. Keep up the Good work you are doing.
He has his own issues. But he needs to pack up his over blown EGO and start being a human being.
Next time you wan... (read in full...)
How should I convo with him? He was looking at me. So why did he write to her?
Q. I like this guy were both 19 and hung out yesterday but they (him and his cousin) said i was quiet and it was awkward, but i don't get it, because I ask him like what he does for fun, what do you usually do? what sports you like? what kind of music ...
A. 23 May 2012: I think you asked him too many questions. He possibly felt like it was an inquisition.
You may or may not get another chance with him, however I am going to give you some tips on getting a better response next time from a guy.
But secondly... (read in full...)
How do you break up with least amount of pain?
Q. I've posted before e.g. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/maybe-i-do-lack-empathy-but-has-my.html I think the time has come to move on. My question is how do you break up in the least painful way possible? We share a house (mine), we share f...
A. 23 May 2012: Sit her down and face to face tell her what is not working for you.
She will be upset and maybe angry.
If you move out of your home and leave her there you may never get her out. And you will have to pay rent elsewhere.
This is because o... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone is crazy?
Q. How do you tell if someone is a bit off thier rocker or just needy/bored/alone? So i posted an ad on craigslist in the platonic section. Just wanted to meet some new friends around my area that can hang out from time to time. Nothing sexual or ...
A. 23 May 2012: She is possibly very needy and extra lonely. Her method of connecting is not working.
She said she is married, but perhaps her partner is overseas or absent for some reason.
Though she may work unusual hours.
Notwithstanding all the above she ne... (read in full...)
Why couldn't I get Mr. Happy to be happy?
Q. Ok, so hopefully i won't get too much stick for this... I have been seeing my girlfriend for 5 weeks, she is smoking hot and we sleep together everyday, sometimes 2, 3 times a day. I have never had a problem getting turned on and she loves it how...
A. 23 May 2012: Things happen. But if you feel concerned get your vascular health checked out with the Doctor.
Did you do a brisk run or too much at the gym? Did you have something on your mind, or a little worry that is niggling at you.
But maybe your were jus... (read in full...)
A boy I barely know just told me he loves me
Q. This boy at school told me in the library that he loves me. He has never even talked to me before. How can boy just blurt that out? I just froze. Didn't know what to day. I probably looked shocked. I felt shocked. Then i think i messed up because ...
A. 21 May 2012: Welcome to teenages crushes. The boy has a crush on you and has noticed you, even if you never noticed him. He took a chance and let you know. Yes, I agree that he could have shown a little more finesse. But that's being a teenager. Don't be too ... (read in full...)
What are some ideas to totally delight my wife on her birthday? Really special suggestions please?
Q. Ladies i want to really spoil my wife for her birthday. She doesn't like music much. She loves the outdoors. This last twelve months have been tough for her at work and i hate seeing her look so sad. Is there anything more exciting or some...
A. 20 May 2012: Oh, I nearly forgot, don't forget a small birthday cake. Or you could leave the birthday cake for the evening meal?
And if money is tight then a walk through a public Botanical park, with a nice picnic lunch there. Still beatiful, just a lot chea... (read in full...)
What are some ideas to totally delight my wife on her birthday? Really special suggestions please?
Q. Ladies i want to really spoil my wife for her birthday. She doesn't like music much. She loves the outdoors. This last twelve months have been tough for her at work and i hate seeing her look so sad. Is there anything more exciting or some...
A. 20 May 2012: Can you afford a helicopter ride to a scenic place? A beach? A public park? And a picnic lunch there and then the helicopter come back to pick you up three hours later?
Picnic lunch could have some cold cuts, nice salads, maybe a small quiche. ... (read in full...)
Weight loss tips needed
Q. Hey there ,I'm trying to lose some weight, but my weight it is very stubborn, and does not want to move. I tried to eat healthy , 1200 calorie, and walk everyday, but it just not going anywhere. Is there any idea what works to start to drop the ...
A. 20 May 2012: hi
Visit your Doctor and ask the doctor to check your thyroid function. After 40 the thyroid can start to deteriorate in function and this affects your metabolism rate.
Also get a pedometer and affix it to your waist band - aim for 10,000 steps a ... (read in full...)
When she watches porn it makes me feel I am not satisfying her. Is this the likely truth?
Q. My wife chooses to watch a lot of porn and this upsets me, and as she knows this now she shuts screen down as soon as i come in the room. I tried to see if wants me to act like the pictures she watches,but she says no. Would her actions suggest she ...
A. 19 May 2012: She said she is satisfied with you, so put that worry to one side for now. And she is still with you, so it would seem that she is entirely satisfied with you.
But the porn worries you and I can see why this is so important to you.
It may be that ... (read in full...)
How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him
Q. My question is #1 When you love a person how do you cope with rejection and inconsideration? #2 How would you handle a spouse that is self absorbed and not affectionate unless it directly benefits him? Here is my situation I am still in love wi...
A. 19 May 2012: At this point you are too accomodating. And he is settled and stubborn and determined to allow himself all the time in the world to meet his needs.
Change your own behaviour first. At this point things are arranged so you have no where to find anot... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my friends. Does anyone know how to open a locked facebook page?
Q. Hiii dear cupids..my facebook i.d is temprory locked..i dont know why..they asked me to identify the photos in which i nd my friends were tag..rather than identifying is there any ways to open my account..plzz plzz help me..i dont want to loose my ...
A. 19 May 2012: could you meet up with some of your friends and look at your photos that way?
If you have allowed particular friends to see your photos then they should be able to allow you to view your pictures on their facebook. They could even send the pict... (read in full...)
He says it is over. I am broken inside. What can I do? I hurt so much inside.
Q. I cheated on my boyfriend. We were together for two years. I gave him my all. I saw sides of him no-one else cared to see. I looked after him when times went bad. I gave him everything he wanted. I tried to always make him smile. I ordered univ...
A. 19 May 2012: First love and breaking up is the worst kinds of emotions. He was so important to you. He meant the world to you and you think getting him back would solve everything.
You did beautiful things for him, like make him smile. He enjoyed that. An... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad is a perve! How do I deal with this?
Q. So ever since I first met my boyfriends parents I noticed his dad was always staring at my boobs/bum/legs. I said nothing, just felt incredibly uncomfortable and just started wearing heaps of clothes when we see his parents. Somehow, he still ...
A. 11 May 2012: Appeal to your boyfriend first. if your relationship is strong enough and he is mature enough to accept and handle the truth then you should be able to tell it like is to your man. It will be a test of his empathy and consideration for you. Surely ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 10 December 2011: Hi Anonymous123 the feeling is mutual.
I know what a wonderful contribution you make to Dear Cupid too. Your really great advice is clearly appreciated by so many.
Best Wishes
Abella... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 December 2011: thank you Tisha, for you are amongst the wise people I refer to, when I think of inspiring wise people, who I have inspired me with their wisdom, logic and good commonsense.
Such people include two long term friends, a Nun, and of course my grea... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 3 December 2011: Christmas can be a tough time, for some. Especially the elderly, those far from home, those who have just split with a partner, or just suffered a tragic experience.
Remembering who is not around to share this time with you. The media feed you imag... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas
No I don't believe in retribution nor in Karma.
Because if I did I would have to conclude that the 'plan' was cruel.
And I don't believe in 'everything happens for a reason' for that too would lead me to question what 'reason' cou... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 2 December 2011: hi Jonas,
I feel terrible that I did not respond earlier. The first time started to read your response and the second one I was so over-whelmed that one family could have to face so much. And I had to go back twice before I finished reading the ... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 4 August 2011: Hi Dodds,
I found your response moving too.
Thank you,
Your lovely understanding meant a lot to me,
Regards
Abella... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 5 July 2011: One DC person has made comment about this article. And needing to know more about how the second relationship progressed after losing my first husband and about going from being a widow with a child and how did I handle introducing a new man into my ... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 13 January 2011: She may be accomplished at manipulating men, bur stay strong, she's playing games with you. She'll keep looking, even if you do relent.
It's time to find a genuine reliable girl, who doesn't hurl snide abusive and un-called for remarks. She does... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 12 December 2010: Thank you C Grant (love the photo! Well chosen Avatar). You made my day on seeing you post. Your comments very much appreciate, regards Abella... (read in full...)
| *bella's friends
These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
