A
male
age
41-50,
*weiss
writes:I have a issue that i'm not sure how to handle. Long story short, my wife of 5 years recently took a much needed vacation to her parents house and i took some time off from work to take care of the kids so she could get a little breather. While she was home she began talking to an old friend (man) from 6 years ago. She didn't disclose this to me and started lying about what she was doing and who she was with when I would call her at night. They began texting non-stop when the weren't together, she even spent the night at his place when she was too drunk to get home. When I say texting I mean like hundreds of times a day from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed at night and even wakes up out of a dead sleep to check her phone and return texts. She swears up and down that they are only friends and my problem is since she has gotten back from her "vacation" its like I don't exist in her life unless it has to do with the kids. She says that she is spending time with me but her phone is still glued to her hand and as we are talking she is answering tests. I told her how much it bothers me and she more of less said that she is not going to stop because he is a friend and I just need to accept it. She isn't willing to talk about it or work at fixing things. In my head I just can't see talking to someone that much with no strings attached. Am I crazy? She says that she has had a wall up for a while because I have just pushed her away, news to me considering I work a full time job, come home clean the house, feed the kids, give them a bath, put them to sleep and then answering her needs because she is just too lazy to do anything. Now the relationship is on the rocks and no matter how I try to talk to her, it turns into a fight because I refuse to accept her friend, and no I have never met this guy either. I'm at a loss and don't know what to make of it. Help!!
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2012):
 hi
Boot is on the other foot
She is being a completely COLD uncaring irresponsible parent. Go see a Divorce lawyer now. Document it officially that she abandoned the children and left you penniless and left you 100% responsible for the children.
Do not bad mouth about her in front of
the children. That is not good for them. They still have a right to love their Mom.
Get things organized - change all your passwords and change the locks and do anything ele to protect your postion and to protect the children.
Advise the school that she has left and advise that only people authorized by you can collect the children.
Just in case she comes back to snatch the children
Even mothers who abandon their children can be made responsible for Child Support
Keep things calm at home and seek every bit of support ($) you can to help you look after your family. This is tough but i am sure you will do all the right things to keep your family intact and your children safe, even if it means she is not part of the family.
She is the one who is Selfish and Cold
A
male
reader, bweiss +, writes (11 June 2012):
bweiss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. Here is an update already. I have tried to talk to her about things all weekend. She said that she was not ready to talk yet. She has continued to text and talk on the phone with him. Earlier she said she needed to take a walk to breath. When she came back she said she was leaving back to new york. She left the kids with me and took off yet again. She emptied the account of what was left before I had a chance to take some for the kids and I.
To answer your other questions. She said the wall was up because I was cold and always angry. How can I not get cold and angry when I feel like I am taken advantage of non stop, especially the fact that I work all day then come home and have to do everything else for her. Her biggest complaint is that i never show her any affection. When do I have time for that? In between dinner and bath for the kids or between cleaning up at the end of the night and bed time?
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever encountered in my life. Now I have to take time off of work until I figure things out with the kids and find someone to watch them so I can go back to work. Thank god I'm military and I will still get paid for not working. As far as I'm concerned she needs to get herself together for the kids. She can forget about me, because I refuse to live in a toxic environment with someone who would rather text another man than work out our issues.
Should I give her another chance and hope it gets better or just cut my loses and walk away? I know it is ultimately up to me but what would any of you do in this aituation? The kids don't need this in their life at all and that is my main concern right now is the kids.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2012):
 No.... you're not crazy.... but you ARE acting as if you are blind.....
Your wifey is laying the groundwork for an affair with her old squeeze.... and she is not being at all subtle about it...
Make your plans for how you are going to handle this once it becomes so obvious that neither she nor you can look the other way.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 June 2012):
Hi
If you can get her to agree to some relationship counselling then well and good.
You are definitely not crazy. Just exactly how does she claim you pushed her away and how you put up a wall? Sounds more likely you have been hard working and earning a living while she has been looking for excuses to excuse her won behaviour.
She ran back to her parents for a 'vacation' time out? She has been lying to you and was not answering her phone in the evening to you? She spent the night at his place as she was too drunk to go home?
She is your wife of five years and yet since she returned from her 'vacation' she is texting a friend from her past? Hundreds of texts? And now she even wakes during the night to check her texts and answer them?
He may not be there in the room but emotionally there are three people in the marital bed. She is not being honest with you. Start organising things to try to address the marriage problems, even if you alone attend some counselling to allow you to clarify the issues.
And start organising how things will operate with the children if you and she do break up.
Sadly she sounds like she is not willing to be honest and genuine with you.
Your children would be very young. Please protect them from seeing the fights and the troubles between the two of you. They love their Mom too so no criticising her in front of the children.
However unless your wife can see how unhelpful her actions are then I do not hold out much hope for this relationship long term.
What exactly has been bothering your wife? What exactly does she complain about or did complain about before she ran off to her parents.
I am so sorry that this relationship with your wife appears to be so rocky at the moment.
From now on consider your position so that you can demonstrate what a committed responsible husband you have been and are and how you have been a committed responsible hard working father of your children and husband of you wife. It will not stop a divorce, but may help demonstrate who is the more responsible parent in all this.
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