A
female
age
41-50,
*inet
writes:I slept with my ex, he said he loved me, discussed marriage babies etc.Yet this morning we had plans. However he did not arrive, then later on in the day I said I feel like an idiot and he sent me too. (modnote: did the OP mean, "and he said me too" ?? ) How can he be like this? I did not want to see him for fear of this very thing happening. I am heart broken
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Your ex is a man of shallow feelings. He was dishonest with you and he only said the things he thought would press your buttons. And you believed him because you are honorable and he is not.
His smooth words were a device to manipulate you to give him what he wanted.
And you are fortunate. Would you want to discover this in 30 years time and five children and even grandchildren? That he had been lying to you all that 30 year time period.
You are still in your prime. You have much to offer. So expect more of a guy. A guy has to demonstrate his integrity by his actions. Not promise Pie-in-the-sky dreams that he knows will press your buttons.
Focus on developing your own skills and studies even. And focus on putting yourself first.
Focus on building a life, where you choose the man who demonstrates that he can wait for sex until you have seen him be faithful for the period of your courtship. Where he arrives on time and does what he promises to do and speaks to you with honesty.
Do not waste the next five years hoping this player will reform his ways.
Instead focus on making sure that you look after you very well.
Never let a man flirt and cajole and be ever Sooooooo Charming only to have sex and then run. A man can suffer a few NO answers. If he then goes on to see easier women, and discards you, then he is not the man for you.
Men love the Chase.
The Chase is everything to them. So be a challenge. Not a person who is easily won.
Whereas Honorable men do not just love the chase, they like to demonstrate every day that they are honorable to the core. Their word means something. They turn up. They listen to you. They speak respectfully to you. They are not selfish. And they represent the honorable man who will give you lasting respect, honesty, and delight you long term. They are not always entirely perfect, they might occasionally be untidy, they may occasionally have a hobby that takes a lot of their time. And they may not always be a fashion plate. But there is a real genuiness about them that you will recognise when you finally meet a genuine honorable man.
I am so sorry that your ex was so unkind to you on this occasion. I realise he will have a very plausible sounding EXCUSE once he wants to be with you again, next time. But are you going to be duped a second time? I hope not.
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