A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits..Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regular.once he saw her and he could not stop watching her.Could you blame him since the woman threw herself at my man?I found out because my husband has been running his mouth like all men do about it He does not care about her it's just been sex for 2yrs.What female would continue sleeping with a man who's married this long?We are happy. Many people look up to us like we are perfect couple.What shall I do to get rid of her!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 June 2012):
Hi. He doesn't seem to want to stop seeing her, so perhaps you need to take some action of your own.
Perhaps one day when he comes home from work, you could pass him in the doorway - and be all dressed up and makeup and hair nice etc. - and say - "Hi. I'll see you later, I have to go somewhere."
And if he says - "Where are you going?"
You just say - "Just out. I have to do something."
And say NO more than that. And walk right on out the door.
Then go out for a couple of hours, and just drive around for a while - then come home later.
The idea is you have him thinking that you are actually going out (but you are not actually seeing anyone at all).
It would do him good to wonder about it though.
The idea is to keep him on his toes.
At the moment, he is taking you for granted in a really big way.
Doing this could change things for the better.
You don't just do it once.
You do it at least once or even twice a week - a few days apart.
And if you continue doing this for about 3 or 4 weeks, he will almost certainly change his behaviour as well, because he will start to think he is losing you.
At the moment he has his cake and eats it too.
But the cake (YOU), is about to go a wandering.
And if he settles down and stops seeing this woman, well then you ease off on the going out by yourself routine.
You can gauge when you need to do it.
And if he starts behaving badly again, well then you go out all dressed up again on a regular basis.
It will work much better than talking to him ever could.
Please try it.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Hi
Its your choice to stay with him and put up with the ongoing disrespect
You know he had make-up from her on him, he doesn't care because you tolerate it. If this 'other' woman wanted him in her life permanant he would go like shot. My guess is up to now,shes happy with the arrangement but that could change any day
You clearly don't want to think badly of your husband, only of her You seem to think she will just 'go away'. Well for 2 years she hasn't and that means they are emotionally involved to.
Good luck to you, if you wish to stop with him thats your choice,as an adult.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate on my story.Sorry for delay but I work even on weekends.My hubby came home with makeup on his face couple nights ago but when I asked him what it was, he claimed it must have been something on the side of the car.Many of your answers are great but I do kinds agree with the stuff on his face.He wouldn't be that sloppy.I know him he's scared he would get it..Someone asked why I would see his side person on a regular is because she goes to the same recreation vented there's a gym there.I know it means nothing.He has worn condone with her but he just have sex and leave.She's been putting up with this 2 yrs getting used.She's single and want sex.He don't care about her.Why he keeps putting himself in her I don't know.He's afraid to hurt me again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012): leave the bastard. how do you know he only has one mistress. what if there are other women involved. i wouldn't want that. he's suppose to be devoted to you. that's what marriage is. other women shouldn't even be thought of. it's degrating. why would you let him get away with that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): OP I read your short follow up and I read of a woman who is "raw" by this cheating.What does your husband say about his affair?About his mistress?Is he planning on leaving you for her?Do you still have sex with your husband?Does your family unit and friends know that your husband is a cheating bastard?Is the mistress married?single?divorced?Does she have any kids?Will you reveal your husbands sordid affair to your friends and family or will you keep pretending?Why do you have to see his mistress often? Are you work associates? Former friends?Hun, yes you have every right to be angry with the mistress. Yes she did know that he is married. BUT the real culprit is your husband. By your continuous pretense it means that you condone his actions. It means that you are powerless to stop his adultery. It means that you have chosen to turn a blind eye. However all this is killing you. It is eating you up and you perhaps want answers/reasons why He is doing this.Look call the mistress a whore. Call her a slag. Call her a homewrecker. You are justified in doing this. However your husband is the real culprit. The mistress doesn't give a damn that he's married. She's enjoying the fruits of her married man. ITS YOUR HUSBAND that is betraying youIts him that he destroying our marriageIts him that is investing in this other woman.Its him that has chosen to make you feel less of a woman/wifeIts him that has chosen that you mean nothing to him.Its time for you to make wise decisions regarding your husband and marriageI'm sorry we have all given you a lashing: however you needed to be told the truthLoveGirl
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 June 2012):
 "I guess I blamed her cause she knows he's married."
So does your husband know he's married?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 June 2012):
Hi. You haven't said if this other woman is married herself - or single.
Either way, it's very unlikely he would ever commit to her completely, because look at what he would lose! YOU!!
And all those wonderful years you have spent together.
It seems like he is continuing because you are allowing him to.
You haven't given him an ultimatim - her or you.
And I believe you are afraid to do so, as you are scared of ending up alone.
You know, the grass only appears to be greener on the other side.
The truth is though, that it's not much different from his real life.
All that glitters isn't necessarily gold.
It only seems that way because it's only short periods of time they actually see each other for.
And he is kind of living in a bubble at the moment, well really for the last 2 years.
By that I mean, he is existing in a fantasy land which is nothing more than casual sex - but without the responsibility of a real relationship and all that goes with it.
In other words, no real arguments, no dirty washing that she has to do for him, no keeping house for him, no bills, no mortgage, all that kind of stuff that resides in the real world.
This "fling" or whatever he wants to call it, isn't of the real world.
It is probably nothing more than sex - then they each go their separate ways.
A bit like a Friends With Benefits, type of liaison.
I am not condoning it of course - far from it - I am merely clarifying how it really is.
It has no real substance, compared to a committed relationship, like yours.
As it is clear that you don't want it to continue, well then he needs to know that you could in fact, pull the rug right out from under him - at any time.
This is something that he may not have thought about before now.
Because up until now, you probably have never said anything to him directly, about how you truly feel about all this nonsense of his.
So the message that sends him, is that you are apparently, pretty okay with it, so there is no REAL reason for him to stop, is there?
Especially, as you probably haven't made it clear to him that it really IS NOT on.
You might well think it, however you might not have said anything that indicates that - in so many words.
So in the absence of nothing being said before now, he assumes you accept the "Open Marriage" thing that he is living the lifestyle of.
Even though you don't accept it of course, this could be what he thinks, nevertheless.
Although you love him very much that is clear, it could be coming across to him that you don't really care how he treats you.
And you can't possibly say that this treatment is showing you respect, now could you? I really don't think so.
Surely, you deserve much better than this.
It's up to you, as to how much you are willing to accept from him, before you put your foot down and demand better for yourself from life - and from him.
In other words, stop accepting crap and demand more for yourself.
Life is way too short, to be unhappy this way.
Regardless of how much history you share together, prior to this past 2 years.
If that was me - in your situation - I would be starting to go out on my own and perhaps see a friend, and sometimes just NOT be there when he comes home from work or seeing her.
Actions really do speak louder than words, and I believe it would give him somewhat of a shock to know that you could actually be seeing someone else.
It would plant a seed, that he could grow in his own imagination, into a huge big tree.
And if you don't know when he is seeing this other woman, well then it doesn't really matter, because you could just not be there when he gets home from work one day.
Not every day of course, just one or two days a week with a couple of days in between.
And DO NOT leave a note to say where you have gone.
Let him wonder.
And if he tries to call your mobile, press the red button (End Call), to automatically send it to voice messagebank.
Even if he calls you again and again, do the exact same thing - press he "End Call" button straight away.
So DO NOT answer the call at all.
And whatever you do, DO NOT call him back, just let him sweat it out!
Keep him on his toes - he deserves it!
And as well as that, you could simply be all dressed up ready to go out and greet him as he gets home and comes to the door, and say to him - "Hi! How's your day been? I have to go somewhere, I won't be late - see you later!"
And say no more than that.
If he says - "Where are you going?" simply say to him, - "Just out, that's all."
And don't worry, he won't push for anything more.
The idea is, you want to make him think.
And if you keep on doing this for a few weeks, in the end he's going to sense that rug being pulled out from under him, bit by bit!
Please try it, I urge you to - and sooner, rather than later.
Actions really do speak so much more than words.
Because the bottom line here is, he is taking you SO for granted, and it's just not on.
Now it's your turn to give him something to think about.
When I said to go see a friend, I of course meant a girlfriend - not looking for a fling yourself.
And if you do the going out as he arrives home at the front door, you don't have to actually go anywhere or visit anyone, you could just drive around somewhere that is about 30-45 minutes away, so you are not too close to home - in case he goes out himeself. Which he probably won't do.
And stay out for 2-3 hours, and then casually drive home and say bright and breezily - "How was your night?"
Then when he asks you about your night, simply say - "I had a fantastic night!"
And say no more than that.
The idea is that you have him wondering what you are up to.
And it could have some pretty amazing results, let me tell you.
Please try it. You might be pleasantly surprised.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much.Just read responses after coming home from work.It hurt so bad but everyone make sense.I don't want to loose him to her.It takes away everything knowing they've been intimate for so long.I guess I blamed her cause she knows he's married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): You can't do anything about her, and it's not your job. If you managed to discourage her from seeing him, he would resent you for it, and then go seeking her because he very obviously wants her if he's been 'with' her for 2 years. They've got an emotional relationship too by now, not just a physical one. You can't voluntarily and willingly sleep with the same person for 2 years (it's not like he was forced) and still have it be "meaningless."
I think you have to accept that as long as you continue to stay married to him, there will always be the three of you in this marriage. You have to make a choice to take it or leave it, because your husband has already made his choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): sorry but you are delusional:
1. your husband is not the saint you make him out to be, and you are so NOT the perfect couple (you're just pretending to be to keep up a facade) because he's been cheating on you for 2 years. he has betrayed his marital vows repeatedly. you're just making excuses for him by blaming the other woman. Your marriage is basically a big lie and you're trying to keep up the lie by deluding yourself.
2. the question you should be asking is not "what kind of woman sleeps with a married man this long" but "what kind of man cheats on his wife this long" and "what kind of woman stays married to a man who cheats on her for this long."
The other woman is not the main person to blame. Your husband is. She owes you nothing because she's not the one who took wedding vows to you and wears a wedding ring, he is. He is the one who made vows to you, so the responsibility lies squarely on his shoulders. He has done nothing to prevent the affair happening or to end it. he's the one who wants to continue it. If he really wanted to he could have stopped this affair from starting or ended it long ago. He chooses to continue it because you've showed by your attitude that you're OK with him doing it, and he wants her.
You should be asking yourself what kind of man you are married to, and why you are still with him despite this.
3. "We are happy. Many people look up to us like we are perfect couple."
If you were happy then why are you writing in here asking your question? You need to stop being in denial. If you're actually truly happy with your husband sleeping with someone else then you wouldn't be here writing about it asking what kind of woman does that.
you're just trying to keep up a facade because you've maintained it for so long.
You can't get rid of this other woman because your husband obviously wants her and so he will do anything to keep her. Only your husband can get her out of his life, and only if he wants to. It sounds like he doesn't.
the first step to sorting out your problems is to stop denying reality and see your husband for what he truly is. Then, realize that when people cheat on their spouses it's because they are extremely unhappy about something in their lives (whether it has to do with their spouse or not).
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Well they haven't replied so I guess it must be fake...thought it was a bit ridiculous!!
:-) Well done all for trying though xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Babes as so many told you, your husband is FAR from perfect. In fact he is anything but!!!He's been screwing someone for 2 years and you just turn a blind eye and blame HER? How about checking closer to home.What you have just described -is a man who only cares about himself-is a cheater-totally no respect for you, His Wife-pathetic man-your marriage is far from blissful: your marriage is in trouble, big troubleAnd anyways what are you doing about the betrayal and the lies? Nothing? There is a very apt saying: you deserve what you tolerate. So by tolerating his cheating ways, you are condoning his actions. It basically tells him to continue f*cking her and you are okay with it.Perfect couple? Nah! Perfect lie!!!LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 June 2012):
One can only hope Em.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): The question isn't "what women would continue sleeping with a married man for this long?" That is ridiculous. If your husband is so perfect then why has HE had sex with this women? She hasn't forced him to have sex with her and if it's been going on for 2 YEARS then he can't have had much of a problem with it himself.
I cannot see why you are protecting him? He has betrayed you and potentially risked your healh by sleeping with another women and I assume you also. I would let everyone know the cheat that he is and send him packing. You are worth more and should not settle for a man so willing to betray a woman he has vowed to be with.
I am shocked that you are turning against the woman, calling her a floozy. She actually hasn't done anything wrong, she is simply a single woman having relations with a man. Your perfect husband on the other hand has betrayed you and your trust and I could bet he would do it again if you are so keen and eager I accept him back after cheating for so long.
Please respect yourself and show this guy he does not get away with sustaining a long term affair so easily. If he wants to sleep with other women let him do it a single man. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you better than this.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 June 2012):
Im actually wondering if this is a fake post...it just doesn't seem to ring true!!!
Anyone else think that?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 June 2012):
Hi
Hes NOT the best hubby in the World, he's got a bit on the side and is bragging about it to his mates. He really loves and respects you doesn't he? NOT
Your friends don't think your the perfect couple,they will wonder why you put up with him and when you will kick him out.
You cannot discourage her,only HE can, but why would he, after 2 years of having "meaningless sex" he's still getting away with it.Takes 2 to Tango.
Try telling him to get lost, then contact the divorce lawyer, find yourself a man who respects you
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2012):
 "What shall I do to get rid of her!"...OH, you are "reading" this situation SO INCORRECTLY... AND you have the spotlight on the wrong player.....This is between you and your hubby. SHE (that other woman) has all she wants and needs.... and she has it at the expense of YOUR soul.....YOU need to reconcile that hubby is NOT "...the best hubby in the world ...".... and, in fact, he's one of the WORST hubbies, by mine and most everybody else's reckoning....YOU need to wrap your head around the "facts." Are you willing to stand on the sidelines and allow your hubby to continue to treat you in this manner? OR, would you prefer to put on your "big girl" panties, take a deep breath and say to this cad: "You know, (his name here), our marriage is pretty much over.... started being over the minute you took (floozy's name here) blouse off... and I'm calling you on it now, today.... and you have no more than 5 minutes to decide where this will go...."IF he plans to keep the infidelity going then you have to conclude that "...We are happy. Many people look up to us like we are perfect couple..." is incorrect.... and, really, only HE is happy... and his happiness is being paid-for with your soul, happiness and well-being....Good luck. You deserve so much better. P.S. Be sure his infidelities are sufficiently documented so that you can get just about ALL of your common/mutual assets when you kiss off this rat.....
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Two years is not a fling. Two years is a committed ongoing relationship. He is getting some form of satisfaction out of this emotional and intimate relationship.
Maybe she tells him lies he wants to hear.
Maybe she ignores traits that other women would comment on.
A one night stand is not such a threat to a relationship as is this ongoing emotional sexual intimate relationship. And is satisfying him otherwise he would not continue it for two years.
Though he does not respect the women in his life, otherwise he would not boast about the relationship
Sadly I think he does not deserve either of the women in his life.
Maybe he lets it be known he does not care about this other woman? Well a perfect hubby he may be to you. But his relationship with you is full of lies too. To her he would spin her a story about you not understanding him. To you he may give you an impression that TWO YEARS with the other woman is meaningless.
My first choice would be to start divorce proceedings but you have your husband on an undeserved pedestall and I think that is where he will stay in your heart.
So you want to discourage her? Enough to make both her and him uncomfortable about continuing together? Be careful what you wish for, because he may replace her with an even more persuasive woman or women.
However if you really want to discourage her?
Make her your best friend. Visit her, drop in to see her. Ask her how she is doing. Arrange to go shopping with her. Go to lunch with her. If anything it will make her uncomfortable. At worst, if she has the hide of a rhinocerous, she may reveal some things that you can relate to your husband, 'X said this, X said that, X thinks you are....' You will undermine the relationship.
It will no longer be the special exclusive change for your husband to claim that you are not the woman for him.
Once she sees what a nice lady you are it will start her questioning him, and wondering what other lies he has been telling her too.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2012):
 How in the world can he be the best hubby in the world? Why because he supports you? Because he doesn’t beat you?
Honey the man is having sex with another woman and you do not want him to. This means he is disrespecting you.
SHE is not a floozy; I hate to break it to you. It is your HUSBAND that is WRONG. He is the married partner here. He is the one that took vows that he’s choosing to disregard.
Could you blame him? HELL YEAH I blame him. IF a woman goes up to my fiancé and says “hey baby want a blow job?” his response is “no thank you I’m engaged” your husband needed to say “go away I’m married” but he choose NOT TO. He choose to be a BAD husband and DISRESPECT YOU.
You say you found out because he ran his mouth.. so it wasn’t even that he told you up front or asked your permission…. So in addition to being a CHEATER he’s a LIAR too. Nice. And I’m betting he tells this “floozy” that you are a lousy wife and he gets no sex or love at home.
If he did not care about her he’d give her up if you asked. Did you ask him to give her up? Did he? NO? why not?
WHAT female would continue to sleep with a married man? A woman who is getting her needs met by him, perhaps he says “I’m leaving my wife as soon as xxxxx” and she holds on to that…
YOU are not happy… he is happy… he has YOU and HER
You are not the perfect couple.
You can’t get rid of her. You need to get rid of HIM.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Sorry hon, but you need to get rid of the husband then the floozy will go away.Kick him out, seek legal advice and start divorce proceedings against him.Go and get yourself checked for STI's. Stop allowing your husband to treat you like a doormat - and he does so because you allow him to.You deserve better so start standing up for yourself.As much as you probably dont want to hear it but your husband is the problem here.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 June 2012):
Can I borrow those rose-colored glasses? They seem to be very powerful...
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (13 June 2012):
Get rid of her?!? You need to get rid of him!! She did not make you promises to be faithful - he did. And he's the one breaking the vows. If its not her, it will be someone else. He will do it because you accept it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Oh so he's the best person ever and she's the floozy?
How does that work? 2 years he's been willingly boning another woman and he's doing nothing wrong?
She's not going to stop why should she, he's always going to go back to her because the person he really doesn't care about is you and he doesn't have to care about you either because you live in a fantasy world.
The only person who can stop this is your husband but he's not going to.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 He is not the best hubby in the world and this is not a tiny little problem and you know it very well, otherwise, if it were, it would not bother you to the point of posting about it on a forum.
Yes, we can blame HIM allright, even if the woman really threw herself at him. All he had to do was saying " No thanks, I am married "- it ain't that difficult, is it ?
I blame him even more because he does not have the excuse of having been overhelmed by a moment of weakness / curiosity / lust , he kept at it for two years. And he does not even have the excuse of having fallen in love- some times it's very hard to suppress strong feelings,- since it is just meaningless sex. What makes it better in your eyes makes it worse in mine, - if it's just meaningless sex , he should / could show some self control and ... go take a cold shower when he feels the itch.
Of course it's not all his fault and the woman is not blameless. She is acting wrong too. But at least she is not the one who promised you to be faithful to you in the wedding vows. Your husband is.
Rather than convincing her to leave your husband alone, you should convince your husband to leave her alone. And if he refuses to do that, then HE is the one you've got to get rid of, not his mistress.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 June 2012):
What does your husband say when you ask him why he isn't getting all his sexual needs fulfilled by you?
Is that his fault or is it your fault?
I bet he's a good husband...you are letting him keep a mistress on the side with absolutely no complaint. The person you blame for this, you can never really get rid of because he won't allow it (cos he's having too much of a good time)...
So the questions remains
What sort of wife would allow her husband to be sleeping with another woman?
A selfless one,
A scared one?
A blind one?
An inadequate one? (sexually)
I really feel sorry for you, even if you do chase this woman away (and technically you can't) He will find someone else...because the man is a cheater...and a long term one at that...he won't ever change.
What if the next one he falls in love with and leaves you for?, the divorce courts will love that!!
I think you are afraid to rock the boat because you know you would lose. You do need help but somehow I don't think you can handle the truth.
You have my sympathy xxxxx
Also what happens if his relationship end with her?... I'd lay money he'd be out looking for someone else to fill the gap immediately (probably another shameless hussey in your eyes who will also have to take all the blame)
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A
female
reader, hopeless romantic 101 +, writes (13 June 2012):
You seen brain washed into thinking that this is a good husband and you have a perfect relationship. Perfect relationships don't involve infidelity.Its not this woman's fault your in this situation its your husbands fault. And the fact that he goes around to other people bragging about it shows that he has no respect for you and that he doesn't even care about your feelings!If he did he wouldn't be bragging about it and risk you finding out! Also sorry to tell you but I don't think the sex they have is meaningless. If hes been sleeping with the same women for 2 years some feeling have had to develop between them to keep them seeing each other for so long. Meaningless sex does not last two years. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and only you and cares about your feelings. As for your question, there's nothing you can do to discourage her, she obviously has no respect for your marriage if shes been sleeping with a married man for 2 years.And do you no why she doesn't respect your marriage? Not Because shes a floosy But because your husband has shown no respect for your marriage why should she?! He is the only one who can discourage her you can do nothing so maybe you should ask him to end the affair. And if he loves YOU the way you love him and hes a perfect husband he will. good luck
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 June 2012):
Hi there. Do you really want to put up with that?
I realize he is open about it, or you have said that he shoots his mouth off about it.
And who does he shoot his mouth off about it to?
Does he brag about it to you?
Or do you hear it second hand from someone else?
Perhaps it is that he doesn't feel he is attractive to you anymore, or maybe that he doesn't feel appreciated by you as much as he would like.
Although you have a good marriage, why does he have the need for casual sex with another woman anyway?
You and him do make love, don't you?
It seems like it's necessary to sit down with him and just talk about it.
Ask him why does he does it.
And what purpose does it serve for him.
Is he merely trying to prove he still has what it takes to get a woman?
You know, the mid-life crisis thing that some men get.
It would have been better for him to go out and buy a bright red sports car!
Or a Harley Davidson motorcycle!
As it seems you get along pretty well and have a fairly happy relationship, well then it's all the more reason that you have a heart to heart talk with him about his antics with this other woman.
If there's no love there - and it seems there isn't - well then what's the point of it?
You could even ask him if he sees some kind of future for it at all.
If you ask him, well then it will force him to have a think about his reasoning for doing it in the first place.
It's often a case of asking the right questions.
Getting him to think about things more carefully, which it seems he doesn't give much thought to at the moment.
However, he needs to.
He might be doing some kind of soul searching.
People soul search in different ways.
Usually by doing some kind of mindless time filling activity, whatever that might be.
He might be trying to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life - change of career, perhaps.
I don't believe it's anything to do with your marriage, that seems pretty well okay.
This is an individual journey he is pursuing, and this mindless casual sex with this woman, could be simply a means to an end.
It sounds rather weird I realize, but as I was saying before, people take their journeys in different ways.
Some mindless activities - e.g. driving a car - can be done, and a lot of thoughts come up about one's life, and some interesting discoveries as well.
Perhaps this mindless, meaningless, casual sex is serving a purpose to make him think about what he really wants to do in his life.
There might be a sense of time running out for him, and of fading dreams.
All he is really doing here, is wasting time.
It's not even an affair, is it?
What might be of use to him in "discovering himself", would be to start an interesting hobby, which will completely absorb his interest and give him something to look forward to each day.
It would be heaps more fulfilling for him, than this meaninless sex.
Why not suggest it to him?
Another idea I just had is, does he work long hours at the office to the exclusion of all else?
By this I mean, outside of his work life, does he go visit his friends (male, I mean), and have a couple of beers?
Or does he just stay home and watch tv and never take you out to dinner or see a show?
Because it could be that work is all there seems to be for him.
Or, it could certainly feel that way if he doesn't do much with his free time.
Life can feel like all work and no play.
It can feel like your work life is your whole life, and it can make you miserable as time goes by.
Maybe this is where he is right now.
A feeling of - "Is this all my life is ever going to be?"
A sense of something missing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): We always blame the woman don't we. It is your husband who is at fault as he isn't having enough regard for your feelings. You need to put your foot down about this as only he can decide to stop seeing her.
Have a talk with him, tell him what you will and will not accept, how you feel about it and if necessary threaten to leave him. You have to mean it though.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 June 2012):
So, the woman’s entirely to blame is she? Obviously your husband had no choice but to have sex with her because she’s so attractive, yes?
Come on! Your husband is choosing to cheat on you with this woman, and seems unashamed about it. Still, when you’re prepared to excuse him of any responsibility, that’s hardly surprising is it! It might be comforting to think that it’s all this woman’s fault, and that your husband is the victim of a temptress, yet in reality, he could always say no. What can you do to discourage this woman? Absolutely nothing! She knows that the man she’s having sex with is married, and evidently doesn’t care. Instead, you need to insist that your husband takes some responsibility and ends it with this woman. Then you need to figure out what’s wrong in your own marriage and, if you both want to, work out how to fix it. And what about your own issues? Why are you prepared to accept being treated like this by your husband? Do you lack confidence in yourself? Are you worried about being alone? Are you misguidedly trying to keep things together for any children you might have? Whatever it is, you need to realise that you deserve better. Figure out why you accept this so willingly from your husband, so that you can start to deal with that. Don’t take comfort in the fact that other people consider your marriage to be perfect, and look up to you. They don’t see behind closed doors. We’re all capable of donning a mask of contentment to others when we want to, and presumably they only think this because they don’t realise that he’s been unfaithful for years? Or if they do know and still think your marriage is perfect, they have a ridiculous attitude to relationships anyway. So the take-away message is get tough on your husband. Don’t blame this woman and let him get away with it, insist that he ends it and commits to working on your marriage. If he can’t, maybe you’re better off without him.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Yes I can blame him, good husbands don't accept mindless sex, regardless of who it is with and how it was presented.
Your problem is not with the so called floozy, your problem is with your cheating, lying, twotiming, not to be trusted, husband.
Oh, and you are not the perfect couple, your husband is proof of that!
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