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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hey aunties I need help please, the thing is in job interviews I can so nervous I start giggling, and not actually talking too much and showing my potential,when compared to other candidates I look stupid/silly and do not get the job, I really need help because it's more of an anxiety I'm pretty reserved person and I really don't talk a lot when I first meet someone, I don't know how to chit-chat either I'll politely greet acquaintances but I can't really make small-talk, and it takes me some time to warm to people ( which lead them to think I'm snooty, which I'm not) but once I do I start acting normal around them, I just would like to learn how to skip the nervousness and learn how to act "normal" and by normal, I mean to conform with the social conventions of being agreeable, talkative... In short I want to learn how to fake being outgoing, my mum also often berates me for what she calls my "awkwardness" lately I've tried to ignore it, because I was just not blessed with her people's skills, but unlike other traits of my appearance/personality she also comments on ( I don't really think she means to hurt me, although she does, but in the end I'm thankful for the wake up call), you may wonder why I care so much to fit in, well I don't mean to try to fake being something I'm not to please people ( not even my mum) but I feel this is now holding me back to get a job... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): thank you guys SO much, for all the helpful advice!
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Do the research about the place before you front up. Employers want to know that you will be able to do the job, but also that you will 'fit in' with the other staff.
All businesses have a culture. If the culture is more formal then that it the person they may prefer. If the atmosphere is more liberal and staff are encourage to be innovative then that is they person they will often look for.
Google a company first. See what they world is saying about them. Look at the company web site. You are checking out if they are good enough for you. Find out the tone and direction of the company - a web search can reveal a lot. Find out what the company does. if they have brochures then get some and read up about their services or products.
When you go to an interview and you can ask a question that reveals you have been interested enough to read the company web site, such as, 'Are you planning to expand your business into.....? Because I notice you already established a branch in.....'
Get rid of the idea that they are judging you. Because you need the mindset that you are really good product. You are not going to waste all your skills and expertise if they cannot or will not appreciate your unique set of skills.
And so you are checking out if the company is worthy of you. But DO NOT TELL THEM THAT - keep that to yourself.
Daletom is correct that Practising is the key.
When you find out what the job is and the requirements - preferably in written format, or from the job advistisement, then start writing out a series of possible questions to each question you devise. Then write an answer to each of those questions.
Then swot up those answers.
And finally get a trusted friend or family member to ask you those questions and be tough about ensuring that you answer each one accurately
And ask your friend or family member to be tough on you. If you start giggling then tell them to make you start that question again until you stop doing this. It is ONLY you feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. But it will lose you jobs, at the interview stage..
A few other things will make you feel more confident. Always wash your hair the night before. Choose all cleanly washed clothing.Be tidy in your appearance.
And make sure your introduction is confident. If you need to practise over and over again then do it.Smile. Sit down. Listen carefully. Take your time to consider the question. Then answer. And study the body language of the interviewers. Make sure you share eye contact with all the people interviewing you if there is more than one interviewer.
There are often standard questions. Don't be rattled and take your time to compose yourself if you need to think about an answer.
And thank the interviewers for giving you an opportunity to attend the interview at the end of the interview.
Oh and you are going to really cringe and think NOOOOOOOoooo to this suggestion. But I am adding it in as well as I know it works for awkwardness and it workds well. Find out if there is a group in your area that helps people to learn or practise public speaking. I do not know what country you are so that rather restricts me from suggesting a group as they may not operate in your country.
But joining such a group will completely cure you of any awkwardness.
Good luck with your quest to earn the job you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): I know what you mean, and I learnt with age and the experience of over 200 job interviews that you need to stop thinking whether people will like you or not otherwise you will not get anywhere. You need to pay more attention to how much you can do the job and the rest will happen naturally. You need to look out for number one (you) the reason you are at the interview in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): I know what you mean, and I learnt with age and the experience of over 200 job interviews that you need to stop thinking whether people will like you or not otherwise you will not get anywhere. You need to pay more attention to how much you can do the job and the rest will happen naturally. You need to look out for number one (you) the reason you are at the interview in the first place.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 May 2012):
The general advice for job interviews is "Practice, practice, and practice!". Getting ANY adult to do a mock interview with you will be helpful, but the more similarities between the "pretend" interviewer (age, experience, work position, etc) and the "real" interviewer, the more effective it will be.
Carefully consider the kind of interview behavior you want to have. Talking a lot - whether in small-talk or chit-chat, or in serious job-related topics - isn't a good thing in interviews. And definitely don't "fake" being outgoing. The majority of people can spot a phony or counterfeit - and once they decide you're not the person you're pretending to be, everything you say, or write on an application form, will be scrutinized in that light.
Your profile doesn't give your location.
- In the U.S. there are a large number of groups known colloguially as "jobs clubs". Sometimes it's a handful of unemployed acquaintances who meet for coffee every couple of weeks; in other cases it's dozens or even hundreds of people in a more formal group with elected officers, bylaws, or even legal incorporation status; occasionally they are associated with some commercial entity that provides a documented program with published materials, speakers, etc. In nearly all cases you will have to seek them out by way of word-of-mouth, or through people working in the employment or social services industry - these groups don't have much in the way of advertising budgets to make themselves known. Likewise, by their very nature they tend to be rather ephemeral; the unstated goal of the group is, after all, to work the group out of business so the organization that was well-known and quite active last year may not exist today. (Though at least one such totally volunteer organization has been around for about 40 years, and from time to time receives mention in national news media; see www.bbj.org .) Many of them are sponsored (and costs underwritten) by churches and service organizations (Kiwanis, Rotary, etc). At the very least a group like this expands your circle of casual acquaintances, and may provide not only emotional support but also truly helpful suggestions, critiques, and information.
- Most U.S. colleges and universities, both public and private, have placement offices that serve ANYBODY who has EVER been enrolled at the institution, whether they graduated or not. If you find a college placement office with a good reputation for effectiveness, consider enrolling in a class or two at the institution just to have a legitimate access to the service. (You should be able to identify some generic, non-demanding class with potential benefits - "Intro to Public Speaking", "Fundamentals of Business Accounting", "Industrial Supervision", "Business Writing Refresher", etc, etc.)
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A
female
reader, JaneSmith2012  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 All that people look for in an interview is whether you have the skills required for the particular job and whether you can be a good team player .. A good team player,mind you , need not necessarily be loud and outgoing .. I've seen quite many leaders who are the quiet tactical type .. They get things done without talking too much or even raising their voice ...Its perfectly ok to be a quiet introvert as long as you are polite and do your work well .. Interviewers are aware of all this too ... Its ok if you are not skilled at making small talk as long as you are cool and composed , answer the questions hurled at you in a simple and precise manner, and dont appear to be sulky or brooding (being sulky or brooding gives people the impression that the person is a pessimist ) ...So cheer up , no need to fake your personality ... In fact be comfortable with yourself ...That will surely reduce your nervousness during your interviews...Remember the easiest trick to get a job is to be Confident (never to be confused with being loud mouthed)...All the best for your future...
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