A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my boyfriend. We were together for two years. I gave him my all. I saw sides of him no-one else cared to see. I looked after him when times went bad. I gave him everything he wanted. I tried to always make him smile. I ordered university prospectus’ for him to make the decisions easier. I based my life around him. I gave him everything down to the last drop of my heart. And what did i get back?For four months straight I got, him breaking up with me instead of putting effort in. Him treating me like s^^t. Being last on his list. Being second best. Feeling like i was never enough for him. Getting nothing back for all the effort i put in. Everyday was a losing battle, he slipped away from me more and more each minute, i tried to grab onto him and he pulled away. We weren’t an ‘us’ anymore.I did one thing wrong, once. To never happen again and it is the one thing that it hurts me inside. After four months of being treated like dirt, like something off the bottom of his shoe. And he doesn’t even contemplate it anymore. Like it wasn’t even anything. Like what he did was unimportant. I opened up to him in my darkest times, and he never told me anything, like I wasn’t worthy of his wishes and secrets, when I told him all. And now, he's in bed with another girl called x and she’s putting love hearts on photos of him. After five days. Five days where I haven’t slept, eaten or thought about anything but him. Ive tried to give him space, when all ive wanted to do is fall at his feet and apologise until im blue in the face. He met up with other girls when he was drunk on Thursday. His best mate got through it, and she told me to never give up on him because I love him. And I do. More than anything, now more than ever. I got a little sleep last night, and I dreamt of him and me, he was holding me in his arms and telling me to stop crying. And then I woke, and the pain rushed back and I cried. And cried. Rachel and Ross got through it on Friends, they had a baby together and ended up together. I know they’re not real but its an example of where it worked out. It worked for Max and Tanya on Eastenders as well… If he is trying to punish me it’s working. If he is teaching me a lesson its working. Ive never felt so low in my life. I never meant to hurt him, but he hurt me too, constantly, for four months straight.He told me to distract myself, told me to stop thinking of him and accept that we're over but it doesn’t work. I went out and got drunk and ended up crying about him all night. And then he appeared on a walk and I just wanted to speak to him, hug him.No matter how long it takes, im not giving up, ever. I will be here waiting for him to come back.Im not myself anymore. Im broken. But if this was the other way round, I’d know how he feels, but knowing me I would have also forgiven him by now.. I love him too damn much.
View related questions:
cheated on my boyfriend, drunk, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Well, from your post, as well as the answers provided, I can see why the world is in such terrible shape and why relationships hardly function anymore. People have lost track of what's right and wrong.Listen kid, there is NO bringing this guy back. It's over, done, finito. Curtains. But you know what? There was nothing between you. The only one being in a relationship was you. You were in a relationship with an imaginary man because from what I've read your bf wouldn't give a rat's ass if you croaked.How about you STOP crying and start THINKING for a change? Here are some hard LESSONS for you to remember:1. Cheating is a HUGE dealbreaker. It's not something meaningless that will somehow make your relationship stronger if you get past it. If you cheat you get DUMPED 99% of the time. And the rest 1% is when your bf also is cheating on you OR if he's after your money. NO self-respecting guy will settle for a cheater and plenty of guys in the future will dump you immediately if you've cheated on a past bf.2. Speaking of self-esteem, yours is ridiculously low. When a guy doesn't put in as much effort as you in the relationship then it probably means that he's not that into you. Sure, sometimes there are other factors like a tight work schedule, but he will apologize in advance if that happens. When a young guy stays with a clingy girl that pampers him and doesn't make an effort then he doesn't give a shit about her. Seriously, stop being clingy and stay off of dating until you've improved your self-esteem.3. Ross and Rachel are NOT REAL PEOPLE. I mean WTF?? They are characters in a TV series. Someone wrote them on a piece of paper while taking a dump and then two actors were paid to ACT like they were in love. In real life Ross is a geek and Rachel a tramp.4. You reap what you sow. You wanna be accepted for who you are? Improve yourself and then tell the truth. Lying, drama, clingyness kill a relationship. And make sure you date the right guy. Asking for forgiveness is the coward's way out. Take control of your future. Determine what you want and act systematically to get it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): You should not have cheated on him, that's why he is has dumped you and moved on and why it hurts you so much. It is all your fault.
Move on, find someone new and don't cheat on them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (19 May 2012):
 By the age range it says i think you will be about the same age i was when the same thing happened to me basically. im so sorry to hear about this. i know exactly how you feel. And that hes rejecting you, and you want him, you'll do anything, change anything just to be with him, thing is. when you do this, it puts him off even more. :SThis will be hard for you. but you need to face it, you guys are over. Im sorry, tears welling up? yeah, i know the feeling. Seeing him will kill you, best thing i found was just to ignore them, dont look at him, even though you wanna see his face that used to smile at you.keep busy, anything, from hanging with friends to baking(cookies are good :P)and you will feel that they've made a mistake, your the best thing in his life? You guys know each other better than anyone? yeah, you will see that you relied on him a lot more than he did on you and because of this was able to move on.You deserve better, i know you dont want anyone else, but in time, you will get better. Talking about it always helps.He didnt deserve your kindness and i promise after the first 2 or 3 months you will see his true true colours and that he was never as good as you saw him out to be. If you need someone to talk to, im only a few years older than you and can speak from experience and that the grass does get greener.
...............................
A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 "I cheated on my boyfriend." Ok, this is really all I needed to know about your post. I read it all but the first sentence is really what's important."I gave him everything down to the last drop of my heart. "Apparently you did not if you felt the need to cheat on him. You also say how he basically treated you horribly in the realtionship. I can't understand why you even chose to stay then. I know I'm going to get major thumbs down for this but I honestly can't see why everyone is mad at the guy. I mean yes, from what she's saying, he did sound like a dick. But you CHEATED on him. Nomatter how much you say you love him or how much you say you gave yourself to him, you cheated on him. Why would he come back to that? You betrayed him. Nothing hurts more than your partner giving themselves to someone else. You did that. I see you're reluctant in talking about the affair. Don't you feel like you should? The way I see it, you were wrong for cheating in the first place. If you knew you were developing feelings for someone else, you should have done the right thing and break up with your boyfriend. By the sounds of it, this guy was a total jerk so that should have been easy for you.Why is everyone so hateful towards the guy besides the point of him being a jerk? Right now, he's doing the right thing. I'm sure if he wrote a post about a certain girl that cheated on him (Minus his bad treatment), everyone would be advising him to move on, to forget about how unworthy she is of his love. He's moved on. Forget about him. He's doing what he has to do to stop thinking about you. You cheated and he doesn't trust you anymore. Let this be a lesson to you. Relationship are sacred. You shouldn't betray the person you say you love. Also, if you find yourself being treated horribly in a relationship then do yourself a favor and get out of it. You're not making anyone happy by being miserable.My apologies, fellow aunts. I know I might have been a bit rough considering her age, but I think it's important that she learns cheating is NEVER okay under any circumstance. If she's unhappy, she should leave the relationship. I will add that by what she has wrote, she sounds like a great girlfriend otherwise, and that the guy was truly a pest that didn't deserver her love.I do hope you find someone else that does know how to treat you like you deserve.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 May 2012):
 First love and breaking up is the worst kinds of emotions. He was so important to you. He meant the world to you and you think getting him back would solve everything.
You did beautiful things for him, like make him smile. He enjoyed that. And yet still moved on. What an unappreciative guy. You truly loved him too much, more than he deserved. You really tried to give and give.
He met up with girls when he was drunk.
Getting drunk will never solve anything and it did not this time. In fact it will make you sadder. Please talk to your Doctor if you keep not sleeping as that is not good for you. Tell him all your feelings and ask him to refer you to someone for more support if he thinks it would help. This is a short term period of you in the depths of despair. You think him coming back will fix it. But that is not true because he is the cause of your problems, not the solution. But as the break up is so new you will take time to realise that
Believe me you have NOTHING to apologise for. Nothing at all.
You DO have LOTS TO LOOK FORWARD TO in the FUTURE. But that sees unreal to you right now. But things will get better
For some guys it is all about the conquest. They should be viewed by their actions. Not their fancy words that drew you in and allowed you to be so sure it was love.
Please consider investigating these links, even though you are hurting to the max.
Samaritans.org
http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm
www.befrienders.org/index.asp
Others saw a side about him, that bothered them. But you saw good in him. That must have made him feel good. But still he was not man enough to last the distance with you. Weathering a problems is character. He was not willing to stay and work it out, more fool him.
Slowly you will start to heal. Can you talk about this to a school counsellor? Is there a relative you trust who might be able to give you non-judgemental support?
My heart goes out to you. In truth he was not worthy of you. What a truly heartless way he has treated you. And no doubt he will do it again. I just read about a guy who has fathered 30 childrem by 11 woman and is now complaining about the amout of child support he is expected to pay.
...............................
A
male
reader, platypus  +, writes (19 May 2012):
You are worth a thousand times more compassion and understanding thsn this creep is offering you. Yes you think it is terrible nowOne day you will be so relieved that he moved onthere is are much nicer guys out there - put a higher value on you. It is not your fault that this guy cannot see the real you - but others will appreciate the real you
...............................
|
