A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:TL;DR I'm a bitter emotional cripple dating, for all I know, a very sweet woman. So I've been dating this woman for about a month and a half now, and I'm curious if either what I'm feeling is normal or I've got a personality disorder and just need to stop thinking about stuff.My last real relationship was back when I was 19, six years ago, and she wound up cheating with a co-worker of mine. She was first date, kiss, girlfriend, and would have been first time but I wanted to "wait for love" or some such nonsense. Six years later I landed an overnight job in broadcasting shoving cameras into car wrecks, shootings, and the like. I read a ton of those PUA books written by Jamiroquai impersonators with names like "Passion" and "Dr. Hard Cox" because I never had much luck in dating and started getting really insecure. I barked up that tree for about a year and half before I realized that the women PUA works on are a minefield of Cluster B and Histrionic personality disorder and most clubs think DJ'ing is blasting dub step off your power book. (If Granmaster Flash was dead, he'd be sratching in his grave) I wrote myself off as one of those guys who'd be chronically single and just moved on with my life, I just didn't care anymore.Anyhow, I met this girl at my sister's wedding and we just kinda "clicked" and started dating. She's really is a sweet woman and nobody I've dated has treated me as well as she has. We haven't done the monster mash yet, and I know she'll think it's "so sweet" that I want her to be my first time to the graveyard smash. The thing is that I find it really weird when she either takes interest in my life or tells me I'm cute, funny, smart, etc. In a weird way I feel like I can fake it until I get used to the idea of having a girlfriend again. She texted me one night thanking me for taking things slow with her and I shot back say "No problem, these are the kind of things worth taking our time with". I think I got too used to being single and all relationship stuff is just alien from my base of reference. I usually do all my thinking with the head on my shoulders and thinking with my dick is new experience. I'm also a Scorpio, so I dunno if that means anything.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2012):
 If you keep "working at it" it's almost a sure-bet that you can sabotage this budding relationship. BUT, since you've posted what you have, on here, it's clear that you KNOW you're doing the sabotage..... so now.... STOP IT!!! Orrrrr, decide that you DO want only to be single.... and stop stringing along this woman who - as you describe - seems to like you and want to spend time with you....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Being single for a long time without a special person to consistently date can mean that you get set in your ways and start thinking that your way is the only way.
Pleasing yourself entirely has an upside as you generally get exactly what you want. But the trade off is that you deny yourself the kindness and caring of a 24/7 partner who truly cares about you. And you are often lonely between dates.
In the interim you may have enjoyed interactions with ladies, occasions in a social setting, but not a long term committed relationship.
Try to stay away from the places where you used to find the Cluster B and Histrionic personality types. Allow your new girlfriend to suggest new places and experiences you may not have considered in the past.
Think of ways you can introduce sweet delightful experiences for your girlfriend.
And find out what her wishes and hopes and dreams for the coming year or beyond might involve. You will know soon enough if she is truly The special one.
It is early days with you and her. Take it easy and see what develops. Though do not keep her on a string for too long.
Try to get back in touch with being loved and being loving. This girl is being sweet and caring and kind. She sounds like a gem.
Try to put aside all the baggage and the past memories. And try not to let your past experiences taint this sweet relationship.
That said, I am not suggesting she is a saint and I am sure you would agree that no one is a saint.
So one day you will accidentally find out the thing or things that really get her worked up or disappointed.
We are all human.
Just as you have buttons, which if pressed, can reveal your more challenging side.
You are human too and you are allowed to be human. And even make mistakes. That is normal too.
Make sure you listen to her, spend quality time with her, and really get to know her a friend. A relationship built on a strong foundation of friendship has a great chance of succeeding. Best Wishes
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