A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife chooses to watch a lot of porn and this upsets me, and as she knows this now she shuts screen down as soon as i come in the room. I tried to see if wants me to act like the pictures she watches,but she says no. Would her actions suggest she is disatisfied,despite her saying all is ok
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): Wow. Now this is a switch....hmmmmm.... a man not liking the excessive porn viewing by his wife.
If what she is doing is effecting other responsibilities in her life and she is spending way too much time with this and the intimate sex life between the two of you is fading or gone, yes she has a problem. The two of you need to reconnect...turn off that computer and find each other again.
I think the whole thing is lousy....but when reading so much of the pain, anguish, hurt woman experience, broken relationships, denied addictions....and men don't care enough to knock it off when appropriate, maybe this is what women need to do to their partners for men to understand...they need visuals, concrete sight for them to see and understand the magnitude of this problem. Women should keep a vibrator and porn on hand daily, have very little interest in sex with their partner for a while....
Then it occurred to me.... has she turned the tables on you because this is what you were doing to her? Just wondering...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): I think this is a indication of wanting more excitement and surprises. Talking at the right time too and not just walking in to say hello first. So if she wants to keep watching she can.great answer anastasia and amazing article by person12345. Foot in my mouth you are on the ball to find that article.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Hi,
You clearly love your wife and take your marriage seriously. And I can appreciate that but I'm hoping that you see what I am trying to share with you below.
I believe that your wife is satisfied with you and if her porn watching is not taking too much of her time, then I don't see it as being harmful. She says she is satisfied but what you need to know is that everyone has a vice, some smoke, drink and there are others that are curious about porn. You've asked your wife if she is satisfied by you...but have you told her that you are satisfied by her? Perhaps she thinks she isn't fulfilling your needs and is trying to see what she can do different by watching porn. Porn is already a taboo thing for a woman to watch and telling her that you don't like her watching it or something along those lines is going to make her feel uncomfortable and awkward. It will affect your communication and that can't be good for a marriage.
What I would suggest is that you watch it with her if you are not totally offended by the idea. You guys can share that experience together and it may even add some fire to your already satisfying sex life.
You obviously love your wife....sit with her and share with her...don't make her feel ashamed or uncomfortable and don't be judgmental...but talk to her coming from a place of love...not anger.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Woww! Tables are turned here ;) She is probably just embarassed about it. It's simply a turn on and nothing more. I watch it only if my guy isn't around. I wouldn't worry about it unless you two have problems with your sex life. Have a talk about it with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 I think she IS dissatisfied with the current sex life. However she doesn't seem to do anything to spice it up or try and fix it.
I think I would sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how it makes YOU feel. Tell her to be honest about the sex. LOTS of women will pretend sex is "just fine" in order to keep the relationship going, thinking that if they complain they are looked at differently.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 This is the first situation I have heard of where it is the guy complaining about the woman's porn habits. Do you two have a healthy sex life? Most of the time men have more uncontrolable sex drive so they look for masturbation sources but it is very normal for the woman to have neads to masturbate as well. As long as you are satisfied with your sex life then I don't see why her porn watching is a problem. She is doing it for some alone time, not because you can't satisfy her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 *finances
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 May 2012):
Why do you have a problem with it? Is it because it takes up a lot of her time? Does she not have sex with you? Is it against your morals that she watches porn? Is it the type of porn that bothers you?
Just saying it bothers you or upsets you isn't enough Im afraid. Imagine if you'd get your way every time you decraled being upset. Imagine giving a child everything it wants each time it gets upset. We can't have everything our way, and we have to accept that every now and then things will be done against our preferances and desires. But you do not control your wife any more than she controles you. And as adults, you are going to both be doing things the other dislikes. This is something you will have to accept.
Now, if these things pose a real definite problem to your relationship it is a slightly different matter. You are more entitled to raise your concerns then. Say, if this porn use takes up too much of her time, or eats up a lot of your finaces, or is the cause of her loosing her job etc. But even in cases of severe addiction there really is not much you can do if your partner does an act you do not approve of. It is either accepting it or end the relationship, if talking about it doesn't change things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe gets short and irritated with me when i have tried to ask.
I hadn't thought she could be embarrassed but maybe.
I really am not prudish but you are right i do feel excluded
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 May 2012):
 She said she is satisfied with you, so put that worry to one side for now. And she is still with you, so it would seem that she is entirely satisfied with you.
But the porn worries you and I can see why this is so important to you.
It may be that your wife is embarrassed at you finding her watching the porn
Are there some ways you could explore with her that might allow her to experiment a little more with something you could do together, but which is not porn but is instead more active and allows you both to participate? Such as explore www.topcosales.us together. I am also wondering if you wife is seeing you as too prudish compared to her, to based on your dislike of porn. Demonstrate that you are not prudish but that you would rather it be you and her. Not her and the computer screen. Because what she is doing is excluding you.
Gently explore with her, during pillow talk, just exactly what it is that porn is giving her that feels unable to ask you for. Working through this to bring pleasure to both of you, Together, could improve things between to the two of you over time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): Hmm that's unusual you don't normally get a woman doing stuff like that try talk to her about it.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 This is first time I hear a man complaining about his wife's porn use. Usually it's wives complaining about their husbands' porn use.
I don't this has much to do with sexual satisfaction. It is probably an addiction for her and as you know, any addiction is harmful. Research has proved beyond doubt the negative effect of regular porn use on the addict's mind and on his/her relationships. If your wife's porn use makes you feel inadequate or if it hurts you, you have the right to tell her to stop, in consideration of your feelings. If she cares, she'll stop. If this is affecting your relationship and if she refuses to stop, you should persuade her to seek counselling and cease this unhealthy habit. This habit DOES NOT reflect on your abilities to satisfy her so don't let this hammer down your self-esteem.
I hope this helps. For further help on this topic, refer to Agony Aunt person12345's profile (http://www.dearcupid.org/people/person12345) where she has provided several useful links and references to help people in such situations.
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