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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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< Prev6667686970717273747576Next > [76 pages, 2983 answers]

He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!

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He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!

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My aunt's father in law made inappropriate comments and now I feel really uneasy around him!

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My aunt's father in law made inappropriate comments and now I feel really uneasy around him!

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Shouldn't he pay for the toys?

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The changes in my friend are unsettling me

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Q.   OK, I'm really, really struggling now, and I don't know who I can turn to. Basically I just want honest answers, which my friends and family in real life don't seem to wish to give. Anyway, I'm almost 29. I will be 30 in a little over a ye...

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A.   27 December 2010: hi, is it just your own inate anxiety and pessimism that leads you to pose this question? Or can you please list examples of her actions and behavior that leads you to have a concern that she is not happy? Shall look out for your follow up. ... (read in full...)

Is he serious in his long term commitment to me?

Q.   Alright, so I'm kind of stuck on what I should do, so I need some advice. I'm a 25 year old gay male who has been in a 4 month long relationship with a guy who I met on a hook-up site over the summer. We decided to start dating and I've been pre...

A.   27 December 2010: Re his remarks, I sometimes wonder now, when someone claims they are 'only joking,' after making a hurtful remark. If no one complains they utter the remark, and then laugh as if it is very funny. Even though they know the remark to be deliberately ... (read in full...)

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Q.   I need some advice. So i'm 17,my boyfriend is 19, we've been together for over 2 years. Yesterday my boyfriend and I were talking and the subject of kids got brought up. Anyways so my boyfriend said that he doesn't want any kids. Today I just fou...

A.   27 December 2010: hi Rosalinda-Adrihana, my best wishes to you on your journey. What a tough life you have been dealt. My heart goes out to you. If you do adopt your child out please do consider leaving some information on the you and the father of the child with... (read in full...)

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I feel so alone. Week before Christmas he left because he needed 'space'

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He called it quits after 11 years!

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We can't seem to break up?

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Shouldn't he pay for the toys?

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I feel so irrelevant, unloved and unimportant in my family.

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A.   26 December 2010: and the last word in my post, namely the single word: 'call' was my error. It was to be a sentence on 'are there others in the family you can call' to give you support but i deleted it. but obviously forgot one word of that sentence. Thought i shd ... (read in full...)

I feel so irrelevant, unloved and unimportant in my family.

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Was this emotional abuse by my bf?

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A.   26 December 2010: you are very welcome. I am glad it has been helpful, take care, Abella... (read in full...)

Does this show intense attraction or is it just an "in the moment" thing?

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He didn't get me anything for Christmas! Does that mean he's not into me?

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Was this emotional abuse by my bf?

Q.   Was I in an emotionally abusive relationship? We dated for five years but in order for him to accept me, he wanted me to loose weight i am 124lbs 5'3 and he would sometimes be like, 'oh why arent you wearing makeup?'. or like, 'I dont want to hav...

A.   25 December 2010: because you have been broken and abused by this man you are having this reaction. Go to your Doctor to discuss it. but never go back to your bf as he is bad news for you. And you need to get some help to rebuild your self esteem so that you do not ... (read in full...)

All my relationships seem to end with an abrupt "It's not you, it's me"

Q.   every relationship ive ever had has ended abruptly and has never lasted more than a few months. even though she says its not you its me, i just never seem to know why or how i can make sense of it bcos it happens so suddenly. just as all my ...

A.   25 December 2010: sounds like you are a nice guy, so they let you go, gently. But yes there is some sort of communication problem or other problem that becomes a deal breaker after some time. If you were to do an Emotional Intelligence test that might show up areas... (read in full...)

Daughter's boyfriend is bad news and I don't know what to do about it!

Q.   I have a problem. I have a 15 year old. When she was younger she was told she could not date until she was 16. Well she has always been stubborn since birth. Anyhow she decided she didnt want to wait and started "going with" a boy in my mothers ...

A.   25 December 2010: hi Flynn 24/ anonymous male, my suggestions are just that, suggestions where one suggestion might be helpful or none or some. I responded to the pain of a parent, that spoke to me through the words written. Before i wrote my reply i sat down and ... (read in full...)

Daughter's boyfriend is bad news and I don't know what to do about it!

Q.   I have a problem. I have a 15 year old. When she was younger she was told she could not date until she was 16. Well she has always been stubborn since birth. Anyhow she decided she didnt want to wait and started "going with" a boy in my mothers ...

A.   25 December 2010: also suggest you read the latest Article on this site by CaringGuy called ''understanding teenagers''. It is superb advice that is worth reading... (read in full...)

Understanding Teenagers.

Q.   We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...

A.   25 December 2010: i think some things deserve more than 5 stars. Elegant succinct and pertinent in everyway article. You said it very well. ... (read in full...)

Daughter's boyfriend is bad news and I don't know what to do about it!

Q.   I have a problem. I have a 15 year old. When she was younger she was told she could not date until she was 16. Well she has always been stubborn since birth. Anyhow she decided she didnt want to wait and started "going with" a boy in my mothers ...

A.   25 December 2010: Your daughter has destroyed your trust in her. It is late to try to shut the farm gate after the horse has bolted. But she does need to learn that there are consequences for her behavior. Is there any way you could get her into any sort of teen coun... (read in full...)

Was this emotional abuse by my bf?

Q.   Was I in an emotionally abusive relationship? We dated for five years but in order for him to accept me, he wanted me to loose weight i am 124lbs 5'3 and he would sometimes be like, 'oh why arent you wearing makeup?'. or like, 'I dont want to hav...

A.   25 December 2010: Absolutely you have been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse. Also designed to make you lose confidence in you. And lower your self esteem so that you would think you were not worthy I am so sorry to hear you were subjected to this disgusti... (read in full...)

I've love a few, but all end in tears. How do I date men who don't drop me?

Q.   I'm a divorcee and have suffered lot of physical and verbal abuse during one year of marriage. This happened 4yrs back and I'm single since then. Have entered into few relationship after that, but they were couple of years younger to me and unma...

A.   25 December 2010: this is a short post script. The following did not get a mention, as you did not indicate if your relationships that broke down were ones where you had allowed sexual relations to commence. So perhaps not. However as a divorcee (applies to wido... (read in full...)

I've love a few, but all end in tears. How do I date men who don't drop me?

Q.   I'm a divorcee and have suffered lot of physical and verbal abuse during one year of marriage. This happened 4yrs back and I'm single since then. Have entered into few relationship after that, but they were couple of years younger to me and unma...

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Who should tell my daughter what happened?

Q.   I'm a divorced dad who has a 20 year old daughter living with me. Let me make this short and to the point. Her long time friend who is 22 and in our life since she was 4 years old, propositioned me for sex. I denied her telling her I can't be with ...

A.   24 December 2010: Weigh up in your mind what could happen, if you continue to stay silent about this, to your daughter. When your daughter finally hears what happened she may wonder why you could not discuss it with her. How would you feel if the girl, to hide her ... (read in full...)

He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!

Q.   Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...

A.   24 December 2010: hi Caringgirl, well done, you have come a long way, in working through things and will do more good things as you heal your heart. It is a pleasure hearing from a strong capable caring girl like you, hope all goes well, best wishes Abella... (read in full...)

How do I trust him when we're about to take the next step?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now and to the outside world it's seemed like a fairytale romance. He's my first boyfriend because I always told myself to wait for the moment when it seemed perfect, and it did. We had rough ...

A.   24 December 2010: what a horrible amount of angst you have had to deal with. Far, far too much angst. And despite his folded arms etc his attitude tells me it is not out of his system yet. I would suggest you both need another twelve months before the big proposal be ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't he get me an engagement ring?

Q.   What does an engagement ring symbolise/ mean? My bf and i r engaged bt he don't want to buy a ring, says it's a waste of money coz he'l hav to buy a wedding ring soon. Hw do i keep tellin people i'm engaged when der's no ring infact nothing to ...

A.   24 December 2010: No engagement ring means No engagement. Start as you want to go on - and this selfish mean short changing man is not worth going on with. And then there is the 'He'll have to buy you a wedding ring soon' ''HAVE to''? Wow this boy (his attitude... (read in full...)

My wife can't have children so she told me to marry her sister!

Q.   1 am 30 years man . I am married with good wife of 28..we have no child ... we consulted a doctor , there is some problem in my wife , so there is no chance of child .. my wife has one sister of age 23 ,my wife ask me marry her , whether i can ma...

A.   24 December 2010: your wife must love you very very much to suggest such a pragmatic approach. Maybe she is feeling at a complete loss since she cannot get pregnant. Sounds like she needs some caring support and reassurance that you do love her very much, desp... (read in full...)

After two and a half years he's still not "ready" to get married??

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating about 2.5 years. I love him and want to marry him and he says the same....BUT he is not ready right now. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!? I really do not understand, he says he does picture me as his wife and ...

A.   24 December 2010: If is he around your (22-25) age, then yes, he is shd be responsible enough to take on marriage, but a niggle in his mind is holding him back. Ask him what he wants to do, see, experience, achieve before he will be ready to settle down. And i... (read in full...)

Lots of awful yellow headed spots down there? What to do?

Q.   Well hi! I dont know who else to ask. It's quite embarrassing! For about 2 years now i've shaved my down below adea. Using a new razor every time and sensitive shaving gel! But i always go really itcky pretty much right away! I've noticed more too....

A.   24 December 2010: I saw this on TV once. You know those reality medical shows, where real people come along to have real problems fixed? The girl had these little yellow headed spots, same place. The Doctor said that the folicles (I think that is where the hair goes) ... (read in full...)

How can I break this relationship between my husband and his colleague so I can get his love back?

Q.   my husband has a female friend.who want to share everything personal feelings...emotions matters even family matters.with my husband..they are collegues..my husband is not flirt..not interested in girls but he says we are just true but free friends ...

A.   23 December 2010: reserve all your angst for your husband. Only He can put a stop to this nonsence on his part. Only He can stop disrespecting you by even allowing this woman into his life. Be dignified about it. No doubt she is trying to woo him with every ounce of ... (read in full...)

He dumped me because I'm not his mother's choice!!!

Q.   Hello there, I posted a previous question earlier, it was about my boyfriend, who i dated for quite a long time, our relationship was beautiful, we were deeply in love with each other and then he just ditched me in the minute out of nowhere saying t...

A.   19 December 2010: You had the chemistry together. So that makes it especially hurtful and hard for you to endure. But in time you will repair your heart, and seek new experiences, that will lead to meeting new, available, genuine potential partners. If you ca... (read in full...)

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