A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, so I'm kind of stuck on what I should do, so I need some advice. I'm a 25 year old gay male who has been in a 4 month long relationship with a guy who I met on a hook-up site over the summer. We decided to start dating and I've been pretty happy. But ever since he and I started dating, he checks out other guys while with me, and used to make comments. He got a little better by not making them so often, after we talked, but he still does it. He also used to talk about wanting three-sums and finally stopped mentioning them after I talked to him about it, and I shut him down. Just recently, he's made comments about how he wants to f*** this guy, or that guy. He says he's joking and likes to get a rise out of me, but I know that's not the truth. I know all of this is human nature, but I think along the lines that joking is the gateway to the truth. I'm looking for something solid that can turn into a future with one person (monogamous - emotionally and sexually exclusive). His comments have me thinking otherwise. I've been thinking about breaking it off with him to save myself from him possibly cheating on me in the future, or breaking it off with me because he wants to f*** other people. Not sure what exactly what I should do about it. Usually I'm not this sensitive, but I really feel for this dude. Any thoughts or suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Hi. I agree that you need to sit this guy down and have a frank chat with him. Find out whats behind his need to keep telling you who he would like to have sex with. Is he insecure and just trying to make you jealous? Only by talking to him and gauging his reactions, will you be able to tell if hes the real deal or not. He might see your relationship as a fun, non serious thing, while you are steadily growing feelings for him. In which case you really do need to protect your heart. You can only be genuine and honest with him. Tell him how you feel and what you want from this relationaship. If he doesnt feel the same then you might be better off ending things now before you become too attached to him. All the best.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Re his remarks, I sometimes wonder now, when someone claims they are 'only joking,' after making a hurtful remark. If no one complains they utter the remark, and then laugh as if it is very funny. Even though they know the remark to be deliberately hurtful. And they often appear to enjoy the discomfort of the receiver of the hurtful remark.
To me it could be a form of passive aggression. Not dealing with conflict issues, but instead hurtful uncalled remarks, masquerading as a 'joke' if
challenged
I would sit down with him for a serious discussion. Think if you went into business you would have a contract between the business partners. An honorable man would keep to that agreed contract.
But how viable, long term, would that
business be if 6 months down the track one of the signatories to the contract tore it up? Not being certain is the deal breaker in any contract. Even an unwritten one between two human beings
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