A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Was I in an emotionally abusive relationship?We dated for five years but in order for him to accept me, he wanted me to loose weight i am 124lbs 5'3 and he would sometimes be like, 'oh why arent you wearing makeup?'. or like, 'I dont want to have sex with you, you are getting disgusting and fat.' He would yell really loudly and scream, and then tell me to get out of the car, so i would have to walk home. Or when he was mad he would be like get out of the house. Other times he would be like you c*nt and other names. He was also sweet too, but I want to know if this constitutes emotional abuse? He never hit me but I want to know people's opinions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeasss it's true I hope that there is a thing as fare and ending up with the right person.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJonas you are right but my insecurities worry me, you know you start to second gues yourself? what if he is nice maybe I am gonna be okay? you know, even though in my heart i know that is not true. And then you meet some guys with these amazing personalities at like the wrong time! you know their taken and im a wreck.. it is probably best if i stay alone for a while.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJonas i am starting to not seee a future with this guy i know my heart is like forget about him, but im scared i have been with him since i was 18, and i am 24 now.. he just recently called me and he was like oh i wanna find common grounds but it feels like he just wants to do it on his time, and onhs schedule. he still doesnt understand what appreciating me is.. I feel like i am speaking a different language, and i know he is gonna come back again because i dont think he has gotten it through his head that i am leaving, but when he does i feel guilty.. but i know i deserve someone that treats me like a queen i gave him 15o percent everything
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Yes it's emotional/verbal abuse. You were right to end the relationship. Now get some help to reinforce that that was the best decision and that you are a beautiful, worthy person. By the way, you're not overweight according to normal weight ranges for your height.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! he contacted me and he was like i wanna meet after the new year and talk about getting back together, and finding common ground. I said no, but i feel like i dont know if I made the right move or not.. someone please help me i was like i need space just like you needed space when you broke my heart, and he was like well i knew this was gonna happen then have a good new year basically like goodbye because i wanna start the new year off right.. i dont know if i can forgive him for everthing all the emotional pain.. but y do i feel guilty for saying no and giving him the twenty millionth chance.. please some andive :((((
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): It certainly is abuse i was also abused by a former partner who called me the most horrific names even a fat - - - -,it has left me so emotionaly damaged that i still dont like myself 4 yrs on
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 December 2010):
 you are very welcome. I am glad it has been helpful, take care, Abella
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys he texted me merry Xmas sometimes I feel so guilty for walking away from this mess... Like even after all the hurt I feel oh am I making a mistake
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbella thank you sooo much it helps, i am hanging in here. I always thought as long as it is not physical abuse everything else is okay.. I guess it is not..
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 December 2010):
because you have been broken and abused by this man you are having this reaction. Go to your Doctor to discuss it. but never go back to your bf as he is bad news for you. And you need to get some help to rebuild your self esteem so that you do not choose the same sort of guy.
Listen to the people who are supportive of you. Maybe go to the library and read 'I'm OK, you're OK.
Also try the Dr Phil site as he has some good answers.
And think about developing some genuine role models and look at how they deal with bad situations and survive . The role models can be people you admire for the competent capable way they deal with life. You have a good education and your friends are complimenting you and say that you are prettty. So that is 2 things than some people don't have.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right that he doesnt respect me after the horribe breakup BECAUSE HE WANTED SPACE, he said so many hurtful things and still came back, and he technically didnt want to be an item, but when I brought up the hurt and the past he was like "OH LETS NOT FOCUS ON THAT" its the past, whad do you want me to do I was unhappy. Sometimes it felt like i had no voice in the relationship. its like he would always be right, but i'm too young and immature to know anything..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEVERYONE THANK YOU. He broke up with me a couple of months ago called me numerous of things and then came back, and i was willing o take him, and I still saw the old him, he left me again at dunkin donuts because he flipped out that hte lady was being too slow, and said agian oh why arent you wearing makup in the morning your a girl.. After this I decided I cant do this anymore, after I lost the weight he would want me to get a job and becomime mre independent. I mean I am 24 and just finished grad school and 5'3 and have normal bmi and weigh 123lbs. PPL SAY i have a beautiful face and should model bt I feel so low and insecure.. I desperately want attention but i want to feel love.. I always feel never good enough even with these degrees and great looks i feel so low?? what is wrong with me..I finally woke up and smelled the coffe but this INSECURITIES and PAIN is unberable..I feel so broken and EMPTY. i FEEL LIKE A DEFECTED DOLL. SO lonely,
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male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Solution : break up with him
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Get rid of this guy. You deserve so much better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Yes it is emotional abuse. The yelling and screaming, making you get out of the car and walk home - that is downright cruel. Calling you names - that is definitely verbally abusive.Wanting an overweight partner to lose weight and expressing reduced sexual desire for a partner who has gained weight in order to bring to their attention relationship issues, is not *in and of itself* emotional abuse, BUT the way that it is expressed makes ALL the difference. The way your boyfriend expressed it - with zero tact and compassion and with the intent to hurt you, using words like "disgusting" which is definitely destructive criticism (as opposed to constructive criticism) IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. It is very very common that emotional abusers are "very sweet" when they are not being abusive. Read up on the internet on emotional abuse. Rarely does emotional abuse happen nonstop 24/7. it certainly can in some cases but not always. Most usually, the abuse comes and goes in cycles. When the abuser is in their "nice" phase of the cycle, the great contrast makes the victim feel grateful and this in a way makes them more bonded to the abuser. Also the nice times can be fairly normal-feeling or normal-looking thus luring the victim into the belief that they have a normal relationship after all and this makes them want to keep tolerating the abuse when that part of the cycle starts up again. Emotional abuse is every bit as devastating as physical abuse and in some cases even more so. Unlike physical abuse, there are no outward scars or bruises which makes it harder to identify and admit that there is abuse going on. It is easier for outsiders to minimize what you are going through when they haven't seen your abuser in action against you. I hope you are no longer with this guy.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 December 2010):
Yes, sure sounds like it! Sounds like you're not together anymore...hopefully?! Are you wondering about it now because you're feeling really insecure or having trouble getting into another relationship?
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female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Not just emotionally abuse you but he doesn't respect you at all.
Get out of the relationship and learn to respect and love yourself. I know it won't be easy to let go and it will take time but think always what is best for you and what makes you happy and not stay in a relationship where he treats you less.
Do not allow yourself to be treated with disrespect. Remember, a woman who values herself, respect herself...a dignified woman is a HUGE TURN ON to men.
If you love yourself, do the right thing now.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 December 2010):
Absolutely you have been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse.
Also designed to make you lose confidence in you. And lower your self esteem so that you would think you were not worthy
I am so sorry to hear you were subjected to this disgusting behavior.
The pathetic makeup remarks.
Unjustified 'Fat' remarks.
Making you walk home, putting you in danger.
And disgusting disrespectful remarks directed at you.
The forms of abuse are:
Verbal: you had that. A lot of what is called verbal and emotional bullying (go together like salt and pepper) is straight out bullying abuse.
Social: trying to exclude you from seeing your friends and family. Isolating you from others who could give you support
Emotional: undermining you, making you feel guilty when there is no basis for it.
Financial: making you pay more than your share. borrowing or taking from you and never repaying, even leaving you penniless
Physical: slapping, pushing, pulling hair, black eyes, bruises, even murdering you
Sexual: coercing you to do what you do not want to do - right through to rape.
Abusing or destroying something important to you: could include scratching your car, cutting up your clothing, wrecking walls in your home, wrecking furniture you own, breaking something you like. Throwing away or giving away (without your permission) something important to you. Can be as bad as killing a pet animal the abuser knows you love. The abuser may also abuse alcohol or other substances and then cowardly blame the abuse on the alcohol or whatever they were on.
No wonder abused partners start to look haunted, destroyed and without hope after a few years with an abuser.
Get out of an abusive relationship ASAP.
Any of the above from a partner: just leave immediately. For your own long term safety.
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male
reader, john michael lewis +, writes (25 December 2010):
 this guy doesnt seem to have a clue of how good he has it. then again i dont know much about him or you other than what ive read. youre young and most likely beautiful and even if not you deserve better.....where were you in my life 20 years ago. if somehow you care about him very much, i mean after 5 years you probably do, then good luck, but believe me you have alot of opportunities in all the years you have left.
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male
reader, billrocket +, writes (25 December 2010):
damn right-what your boyfriend is putting you through,is-emotional abuse!!!!i know many friends of mine-go through this crap-if he dont promise,to stop-are learn to change,hes ways-find a better boyfriend-never look back.you have your whole life,to find a good man.
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