| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: I need some advice.So i'm 17,my boyfriend is 19, we've been together for over 2 years. Yesterday my boyfriend and I were talking and the subject of kids got brought up. Anyways so my boyfriend said that he doesn't want any kids. Today I just found out that i'm pregnant, and now I don't know what to do because he told me that he doesn't want any kids.What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 hi Rosalinda-Adrihana, my best wishes to you on your journey. What a tough life you have been dealt. My heart goes out to you.
If you do adopt your child out please do consider leaving some information on the you and the father of the child with the Government people who manage the adoption process. Including your full names, your dates of birth, and where you were born.
I thought of this, as last year a lovely girl I know, red haired, tall, beautiful, and recently graduated, with a law degree came to me to ask how to find her biological parents. She loves her parents who adopted her and knew she was adopted. But she needed to know. I helped her with which government agency to contact to locate her mother at least, but warned that the father's details might be more difficult. As often the father is not listed on the original birth certificate. After the adoption interview the government worker agreed to contact her Mom. Her biological Mom finally found - agreed to meet her. But her biological Mom (who was short) looked so different to her, that she wondered if there could be a mistake. And would a Mitochondrial test (female equiv of DNA) help. And her biological Mom agreed to this. But the test confirmed her biological Mom is hers. Her biological Mom did not want to tell her who her father was, so now she may never get to meet him. Whereas if his details had been recorded prior to the adoption then she may have been able to meet both parents. She respected her biological Mom's decision, but hopes one day she can be told about him too. At her most recent meeting with her biological Mom, (they are building trust together - even her adopting Mom has met her biological Mom and they hugged) - all that was revealed was a remark 'you look so much like him', made by her biological Mom, so there is hope that one day she might be told.
And once again stay safe and look after yourself very well. Regards Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionblackhearts wrote:"I'm sorry to say it, but I'm not surprised your mother wouldn't listen. I assume your parents took/still do take a massive role in your daughters life? I'm sure they don't want to another."No my parents haven't been a massive role in my daughter's life. My mom hasn't even seen my daughter, she doesn't want to. And my dad died when I was 8.I was put up for adoption when I was 10. And then my adopted parents died when I was pregnant with my daughter. So it's just mainly been me taking care of her.----Anyway, so my bf wants to keep the baby, I'm not sure if we could handle a baby as well as having my daughter already. But I know FOR SURE that i'm not going to get an abortion because I don't believe in abortions.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I know it must have been so difficult for you to be 17 and already have a 4 year old child. You have already been coping with a heavy load for a long time.
Yet the first one will seem like a breeze, (and I bet your first was not a breeze all the time), once the second one arrives.
I could not believe the difference.
When I was tired with the first I could have a rest while baby slept. But with the second then I had the problem of finally getting baby to sleep when the oldest would have something urgent that needed attention. So i could not get the rest i needed. I felt like a walking zombie, much more than for the first. Yes i was tired sometimes with the first, but nothing like the workload later. And i'd give attention to one and the other would see and want the same, but being different ages they needed different diversions. Plus the little one would crawl in and ruin something the older one was in the middle of and it would be more tears all round.
People who get all romantic about babies never think of all the mayhem.
My heart goes out to you. It is not just a little bit extra, but juggling all the requirements of two precious children. i suspect it will be culture shock for your
boy friend when it finds out babies cry when ever they need to. You sound like a
strong girl, and a good Mom
Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Surely from already having a four year old daughter (that making you 12/13 when you had her?) You'd understand how extremely difficult it is to look after a child at such a young age and how difficult money situations are.I'm sorry to say it, but I'm not surprised your mother wouldn't listen. I assume your parents took/still do take a massive role in your daughters life? I'm sure they don't want to another. Obviously, it's entirely up to you whether you want to keep the baby or not. But please, as all young people should know who get into these situations, at least take a look at the bigger picture first!! Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Still with this boy? A beautiful home with you, him and your children? Married? Or a single parent with two kids off two different fathers struggling to death for money begging your parents for help. How would you both provide for this child? How will you provide for two children at 16/17 years of age?This is your decision, and yours only. But do think about it. And what ever you decide, please, always use protection.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): i keep reading dont abort, do you know how hard it is, did you not read what the girl says? She said she already has a 4 year old, so she understands how hard it is. You can't say it looks like your going to be a single mom, no matter what, because you dont know her situation and her life. Basically she was asking advice about her boyfriend not what to do with the baby,Anyway, i'd also like to point out to quantum modulus, it is not illegal because she's over 16, so the police would not be running after her boyfriend, And rosalinda, sometimes people may say things but when it comes down to it actually happening, they can change their mind. Just like your boyfriend, who is now excited for the baby. Of course you're going to be nervous, but with you already have a child. You will have an experience, which will make it easier for you and your boyfriend, anyway i hope everything works out for you, good luck with everything, xo
...............................
A
female
reader, dont understand men +, writes (25 December 2010):
Sounds like you will end up being a single mom no matter what . Are you ready to be a single mom and take care of a child all by yourself? Do you have financial security ? Does he have money ? It is very hard to raise a kid . I can understand that you are in love with him . Let me tell you what happened with my husband who shot himself 11 months ago. See his mom 19 and his father was 20 when he was born . They eventually got married but then they broke up and guess what- he ended up in foster care because they were not able to take care of him . His father always thought that my husband owed him something. My husband destroyed his life . My husband stayed in foster care for a year and he got raped over there . Then the mom and father got back together one more time . He always treated my husband as bad news. On my husband’s funeral he kept talking about what a loser my husband was . Moral of the story is this : My husband was condemned to death at the moment he was conceived . The mom gave a birth to him so that she can force the father into marriage but you know what? After she lost her beauty my husband’s wealthy father dumped her for a younger woman . Do the math… Right now the baby you have in you does not have a soul yet since it is too little within couple of months he/she will have a soul . Use you time wisely and make your decision .
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 December 2010):
 I'm reading a lot of "don't abort!!" - well, the reality is that these people don't know you, your beliefs or situation. Whatever you choose to do should be your personal decision and yours alone. Please do not rely on internet strangers to dictate your life!!
You need to talk to your parents, your doctor and your fella. And definitely do a lot of talking to yourself - only you know which avenue will be best for you presently and down the road. All 3 options are really hard and really brave ones - so really weigh out your choices and figure out which is best for YOU.
Good luck, sweet thing!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice.
Oh and we did use protection by the way.
And @KissFromARose, I do know how hard it is to look after a baby, I have a 4 year old girl.
Anyway So I told my bf about me being pregnant, he reacted WAY different than I thought, he's actually really excited now, but he also said that he's really nervous. And now I am too, because I already have one daughter and it's hard at times. Oh and I tried to tell my mom, she didn't care what I was saying though, so I just left.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Hi there,
The first step is to tell him. It's hard, I know, but it would be impossible for him not to find out so unless you want him finding out for himself (bad idea!) then you need to talk to him.
If you want to keep the baby and he doesn't, then the only thing you could do would be to split up and be a single mum. If he wants to be involved a few months down the line, put his first reaction down to shock and let him be involved.
If you want to give up your baby for adoption - and if you think this is what you want to do, you really have to think hard about it before you come to this conclusion.
I am not going to tell you to abort, because it is against my beliefs, however, it is your decision and one that no one else should be allowed to change or interfere with.
Be prepared for him to be shocked and worried. It's going to hit him hard, but you need to stay strong. It may take a while for him to get used to the idea so at first. he may be drastic and tell you to have an abortion, however, do not take his first reaction to heart because he's bound to be shocked. He may come round, he may not, either way, you have to be strong and do what's best for you and the child. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby and you want to keep it, then so be it. Be a single parent, find some support from friends, relatives, cousellors, whatever you need to get by. Thousands of women, and men, are single parents and they find ways to get through - you can too.
All the luck in the world to you xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, LoveexD +, writes (25 December 2010):
First off, if he didn't want kids he shouldnt have had unprotected you know what. But no matter what if anything there is always adoption. Please don't get an abortion. PLEASE . Or raise it yourself, it may be hard but he will in the end come together, .
Pray about it, Things will come together(:
I hope that helped (:
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): My daughter went through the same thing with her sons dad. He wanted her to have an abortion. He denied him even though he looks just like him. 2 years later he is starting to come around and pick him up on saturdays. You can see the hurt on his face everytime he comes bc his son does not know him and he cries every time. It will get better he just has to get to know him but look at the 2 years you wasted.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): wel 1st off i got pregnant at 15 and had my baby at 16 despite what anyone had to say about it and im glade i did have my son cause beleive it or not he is the best thing that ever happend to me he makes me so happy when i feel like just crien now im 18 wel just recently turnt 18 but anyways its not up to him its your decision all the way and besides dont punish the baby and get an abortion cause no child is an mistake but if honestly you dont want to have it because of what the dude want then give it up for an adoption dont have an abortion cause thats just fucked up cause the baby didnt ask you to get pregnant its no need to make two sins if it was my choice i would keep the baby cause would if you and the dude break up that will come back and hont you cause you second guessen your child for a man thats not forever jus wheneva maybe you should just think it over before you try and please him
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): okay first of all do not have a abortion okay mabey consider adoption now that is out the way
talk to each other he may have said that he didn't want kids but you know what he may change his mind when he finds out that you are pregnant good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Well I am not surprised he doesn't want kids. He is only young and so are you. Maybe get an abortion but remember too tell him first. Also find an adult to talk to??
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 DO NOT Abort! give birth then put up for adoption if need be but don't kill an innocent life. Not the baby's fault you two screwed up.
...............................
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (25 December 2010):
You need to tell him and discuss it.
This pregnancy sounds like an accident, but were you using any form of contraception?
If not, then it amazes me why not considering that he has no interest in having children.
You're both old enough to know that contraception is there to help stop you getting pregnant.
...............................
|
