A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My best friend is really starting to change.It all started when we went to the mall. I saw these really cute pants but I'd wasted all my money on a birthday present for my mom. So, my friend says "take the pants, put it in your purse and walk out," I say "but...with my luck I'll get caught" she says " I'm kidding..." but, I saw In her face that she wasn't....But that wasn't it. Her older brother smokes weed and stuff like that. He is also my ex boyfriend. So the first thing my friend says is " ****** I dare you to have *** with (her brother)'' I obviously say no. Then she shrugs her shoulders and sucks in on her brother's cigarette. I just got up and walked away.I really don't want to lose this girl. We've been friends since kindergarten! But I don't know what to do...HELP
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 December 2010):
 we want to keep friends forever, but sometimes our friend can change so much, and sometimes in a negative way, that the friendship is tested.
Long term friends sometimes change so much that they take a fork in the road and veer off one way and we continue on the other road in a different direction. When this happens we must start looking for friends we feel more comfortable with. Friendships can even wax and wane. And a friend may come back towards the way we are going in life.
When a friend stars to veer away too far towards actions and practices that are risky and likely to entice us into trouble, it then that our character is tested. And it may be time to step back and reassess that friendship.
Mix with the ''wrong crowd'' and pretty soon a person becomes one of that ''wrong crowd.''
You did very well to resist your friend in the shop. You did well to say no to the brother suggestion.
When things concerning like this occur we cannot try to 'save' our friend from getting into trouble. Nor should our ''friend'' deliberately try to entice us into things that are very likely to get us into trouble.
Your long term friend will have to learn that there are consequences for every action.
One of those consequences may be to see your friend less often, until she wises up about her risky behavior.
You will be doing your friend more of a favor by distancing yourself while she is engaged in risky behavior.
It is her decision to want to try risky behavior. But you do not need to stand by and enable this risky behavior.
Another great way to look at the situation is to pose the question: ''And think what this could become?'' When we are teens we often think we are invincible.
Run the flashing lights at the rail crossing to beat the train? NO. Because just one day the train may plough through the car.
Dive off the pontoon into the water because someone said the water was deep enough? NO because underestimating the depth has left many people disabled
Have unprotected sex just once with a boy, not know who he was with the night before? NO And find the girl is now pregnant with a STD.
Shoplift a little necklace, just this once, no one will notice? NO Security staff in plain clothes and eye in the ceiling cameras see so much. They know every trick in the book. To catch a thief
Agree to carry a little parcel in your luggage for a friend who should carry it in her own luggage when you both return from holidays. NO Get to customs and find it is you arrested, not your friend for what is in that package.
We should not concentrate too much on one or two friends to the exclusion of a wider circle of people who we can interact with, discuss things with and share our life experiences and build trust
A
female
reader, GG96 +, writes (27 December 2010):
Drugs can change a person. She obviously is changing. You can help her give up drugs. Tell her that you will tell her parents if she doesn't stop. And if she doesn't stop, tell them. It doesn't even have to be them. It can be your parents, a teacher, someone who will get the message to her parents. They'll probably give her a drug test but I don't know what will happen if she has drugs in her system. She will be mad at you now, but in a few years, she'll thank you. Don't be scared to tell on her. It's not "uncool". If you really care about your friend, you will do this. Your basically saving her life
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Don't do anything, don't let her convince you to anything stupid, don't ever do any of that kind of stuff.
Don't try and change her or anything either, if this is the way she's going then she'll learn some harsh lessons really soon. All you can do is stick by her, be her friend, but never let her convince you to do something you know is wrong.
Seriously just let it go and see what happens, she's just rebelling at the moment having a laugh. Don't take it seriously and don't let her get you into any situations you're not comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (27 December 2010):
I advice you to decrease the time you spend with her and her bros. And never follow her "kidding" ideas. You may find yourself at the police station, while she walks home. Be really careful.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 You need to tell her that you don't like the person she has become. You have been friends for ages and you don't want to see her go down the wrong path.
Just tell her straight that if she wants to go ahead and smoke, eventually end up drinking and stealing, then you're not prepared to sit and watch it...
She needs a few home truths, and not just from you. If others can see all this and talk to her about it, she'll realise that alot of her friends are worried, and that it is time to stop and get her life back on track.
I had a very unruly friend years ago, who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. I was the person who got her home safe and on time, i was the one who stopped her from doing stupid things and getting into fights. Her parents always said that i was a god send, because if i wasn't there, my friend would have ended up pregnant, or dead! So don't give up on your friend, talk to her...
Good luck!
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