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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Do I have to dump my married man?
Q. Im inlove with married man,we have been together for some mnths now,judging by his actions i think he loves me,god im so much inlove with him,he dont want to talk much about his marriage,is he using me for sex?do i have to dump him b4 it 2 late?...
A. 28 November 2010: You are his little escape.
You are probably not his first.
You will not be his last.
He lies effortlessly to his wife.
Lying to his dalliance on the side is even easier.
Forget his smooth talk.
You deserve better than to be his part time... (read in full...)
Teacher Tension
Q. Ill start of by giving a little bit of background information. I am a 17 year old girl who is currently in grade 12. I have been going to the same high school for 4 years and recently (grade 11) a new teacher arrived at our school. I was as...
A. 28 November 2010: He bullied you.
He negatively affected your year in his class.
Keep your distance from him. Never be alone with him. And be polite and professional with him always.
He is irked that you were unmoved by him. His ego would be huge.
He has ticket... (read in full...)
Is this just him realizing he still loves his ex?
Q. okay im here jus for advice. im 27 and my ex who broke up with me like 3 weeks ago is 28, he has a ex 31 yrs old whom he has 2 kids with and lives with her mom and has no job or education. but neways we just had a baby 7 weeks ago and living ...
A. 28 November 2010: you have been through a torrid 2 years. All has not been well for some time. I suppose it makes him feel irresistable to have two women both wanting him.
Get the maintenance for your baby all stitched up. go see a lawyer. He does have to support ... (read in full...)
We only got back together because he promised not to lie, but he is telling lies again already
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been in a relationship for about 5yrs, he was married for 19 yrs and I for 21 years. During the time we have been together he has cheated on me (he says only 1 time but I'm not sure) and have gotten busted lying to me ...
A. 28 November 2010: Sounds like he gets some sort of misguided psychological pay off by lying. As if he feels it's fun or risky, and therefore exciting to get away with not telling you the truth about everything.
While i do realise that every year we women age it c... (read in full...)
Breakup of marriage--why do I feel robbed?
Q. Why is it socially acceptable that when the marriage has problems and one spouse wants out that the other spouse is left picking up the shattered pieces? They are left raising the children and reassuring them of future happiness. Dealing with ...
A. 28 November 2010: He is doing a lousy job as a father. No wonder you are exhausted. His children need to be parented by both parents yet he is doing .001% and you are doing the lion share.
Just keep documenting his visits and any phone calls to the children. Then... (read in full...)
Jekyll when sober, Hyde when drunk. Which is his true side?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for around 8 months now and I really like him, ALOT. But when he gets drunk he is soooo mean to me for no reason and when sober he is the nicest person I have ever met.. so I guess I am wondering what side of him is the ...
A. 28 November 2010: i have just read Mystiquek 's answer to questioner Coolbreez. Coolbreez is older than you but has endured the alcohol problem with her partner for much longer. And with more pain. I can really recomend the answer by Mystiquek on this issue of ... (read in full...)
Jekyll when sober, Hyde when drunk. Which is his true side?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for around 8 months now and I really like him, ALOT. But when he gets drunk he is soooo mean to me for no reason and when sober he is the nicest person I have ever met.. so I guess I am wondering what side of him is the ...
A. 28 November 2010: pay attention to the fact that he can't handle liquor.
And that leads to so much more that will ruin his life. (later find he can't hold down jobs, embarassment and humiliation for you when he's rude in public, drink driving charges, friends stop... (read in full...)
How can I get guys to see me in the way I want to be seen without losing my personality?
Q. Hi this is going to sound quite complicated but I'd love to get as many answers as possible as it would be really helpful to hear all your opinions, thank you! some context: I live in London, finished college last summer and am almost 19 and...
A. 28 November 2010: There is nothing wrong with you. At all.
You sound an intelligent thoughtful lady who thinks things through.
So it is likely you will click best with an intelligent thoughtful guy who thinks things through.
I am pleased you are a confident ... (read in full...)
Breakup of marriage--why do I feel robbed?
Q. Why is it socially acceptable that when the marriage has problems and one spouse wants out that the other spouse is left picking up the shattered pieces? They are left raising the children and reassuring them of future happiness. Dealing with ...
A. 28 November 2010: I get the feeling that you were pressured into this divorce. You were reluctant. He wanted the separation. Clearly he's moved on. And sadly you do need to accept that the marriage is finished for him.
I sense that a divorce was his idea from the ... (read in full...)
I know I don't want a baby right now... so why do I keep thinking of them???
Q. So, babies! To start at the beginning (obvious, right?) I didn't have the most amazing childhood, and my parents didn't have the most amazing marriage (I know no one has things perfect but I would have at least wished for 'average') Be...
A. 27 November 2010: hi, i always thought you were normal.
And i was already impressed that you are an intelligent young lady.
And that you are committed to your University studies.
I didn't know you were already doing the things i suggested. So my thoughts are... (read in full...)
I feel like he's cheating!
Q. My husband and I have been together 6 years and married three. From the beginning I told him that if he cheats that's it. He hasn't physically cheated but I still feel like he is cheating. In the beginning I found text message's on his phone. They ...
A. 27 November 2010: Your snooping and prying is destroying trust between the two of you. And that's something i regard as a real a real passion killer Your husband means so much to you. So why do things that will create distance between you and your husband? It woul... (read in full...)
He's a good man but has commitment issues
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me on Nov.19. He said our relationship was not what he wanted and that he really does'nt know what he wants. He is 49 years old and never been married. The longest relationship was 3 years. The love this man very much, so ...
A. 26 November 2010: What a heart-breaking revelation to find out it's 'over', for him.
Your man is obviously a charmer. And i can see you are devastated by the loss of this man from your life, after you have shared so much, and he has come to mean so much to you.... (read in full...)
Husband waking me up at 3:30 am wanting to talk! I need my sleep!
Q. My life feels like it's falling apart over something that should be so simple! My husband only needs 5 hours of sleep but I need 8 in order to function. He normally wakes me up at 5:00 AM which is bad enough because I like to sleep until 6:30 on the ...
A. 25 November 2010: He is being quite unreasonable. Most people need 7 to 8 hours of unbroken sleep.
Does he have a job where he can nap during the day?
Some studies have even suggested a link between obesity being associated with people who sleep less than 5 hour... (read in full...)
Just found out my wife is having an affair with an older man
Q. I am lost and don't know what to do. I have been married for 7 years and just found out that my wife is having an afair with a man who is 30 years her senior. She blames me, she tells me that it's because we do not have sex as much as she would ...
A. 24 November 2010: ps - 1. would your wife be prepared to agree to counselling to improve the communication in this marriage? 2. the 'commitments' you mention, is there any kind of restructure that would lessen the pressure there? 3. besides the checking acc... (read in full...)
Just found out my wife is having an affair with an older man
Q. I am lost and don't know what to do. I have been married for 7 years and just found out that my wife is having an afair with a man who is 30 years her senior. She blames me, she tells me that it's because we do not have sex as much as she would ...
A. 24 November 2010: she should not try to drop the guilt on you for her infidelity. Besides, if she wants more sex at home why can't she initiate it? Two or three weeks is a long time to go without. Perhaps you have both been in the doldrums recently due to other ... (read in full...)
Should Separation End?
Q. I'm wondering what to do now. I'm in a long term marriage of over 25 years but the early years of my marriage were not easy. We argued often and almost broke up a couple of times. When my first son was born, I couldn't stand the thought of not ...
A. 24 November 2010: you are more than fair. And you deserve happiness.
When you consult the divorce lawyer do ask that the money she already took, without your knowledge and now refuses to return, be taken into account for the purposes of the property sett... (read in full...)
Am I his girlfriend?
Q. im seeing a guy from a different country (exchange student) and he calls me his girl friend after one night drunk and then again sober two days later... am i his gf or is there a translation issue?...
A. 24 November 2010: Do you really want to be his girlfriend?
What special qualities do you see in him?
Do you really like him?
Because you don't have to agree to be someone's boyfriend if he doesn't really inspire and delight you.
And your caution is good. 'girlfr... (read in full...)
Shall I rekindle this love?
Q. hello please help me out here i was carrying with a girl from last 2 years we both used to love each other suddenly i left her after one year i got in touch with her and now i love her and she to loves me but when i asked her how did she passed one ...
A. 24 November 2010: you left her suddenly after one year? It was not the other way around. She never rejected you. You rejected her. That must have hurt her, for doing that. What was she supposed to do then? Pine for you for the rest of her life and never see anyone e... (read in full...)
I just don't know how to cope without love!
Q. I think I'm going out of my mind. I'm a 16 yr old guy and I'm horny all the time.I don't really like masturbating, that's why I rarely do it. It doesn't satisfy me. I get really lonely sometimes and I just want to be able to have someone to call ...
A. 23 November 2010: first deal with your depression as it is warping your perspective. Go to your Dr and explain your symptoms and how you get depressed.
Once you are feeling more positive you may even like to talk over with a professional (life coach or a person who ... (read in full...)
How can I not be so boring in my relationships?
Q. well i've been known as the nice guy and whenever Im dating someone it seams like after a week or 2 they just start getting bored of me and the relationship, and i really don't know what to do about it?! ...
A. 23 November 2010: You already know you are on track in your life and you already know you are a good person.
Concentrate on enjoying your life. Do some travel, look at the world.
Even Bill Gates was probably ignored by many girls when he was young, who thought ... (read in full...)
What's the reasoning behind guys being players?
Q. There's this guy. From the first time girls started paying him attention he's had multiple female "friends" who he's treated as much more than friends. Throughout all this time he also had long-term girlfriends, the first one almost three years and ...
A. 23 November 2010: suggest you read the definitive article in the Articles section of this site, by anonymousmale1 on what defines a 'player'. There is no finer expose on the issue... (read in full...)
Should I chalk it up to a vulnerable night of drinking?
Q. Two weeks me and my GF broke up. I recently ran into her, and we went out for drinks. NExt thing I know, we hooked up later that night. Even though we have broken up, she still came by and we had an awesome night. So what am I to think now, m...
A. 21 November 2010: I don't know why you broke up. And if the reasons you broke up are still unresolved.
But sexually she is not repulsed by her, so that could be a positive sign.
However Sex is sometimes the result, when resolve is weakened by a few drinks, ... (read in full...)
Should I take this job or look for something better?
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma...we have campus placements going on in our college. There's one job that i have a good chance of getting...and the location is quite close to where my bf stays... The thing is, this job is good; but the company isn...
A. 21 November 2010: Never screw up an interview. Very bad thing to do and Not professional
You either politely decline the interview or you prepare well for the interview
I would research the company on the net. See if they sound like a company you would like t... (read in full...)
He hacked my facebook!!!???
Q. Dear cupid ,my boyfriend is very jealous and today he went to tha extream of hacking my facebook because he thought i was cheating.when he went on there he saw that i asked a male friend if theyd missed me and he fliiped out!!! he also saw that i ...
A. 21 November 2010: he's immature and nasty.
Change your password and block him. He will not like it. But he has to learn that there are consequences for all actions he takes.
If someone did that to me i would feel they had destroyed my trust in them ... (read in full...)
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