A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend didn't get me anything for Christmas. We've only been dating a month. He is visiting family overseas right now so I sent him a present. He knew I was giving him something but still didn't get me anything. Should I take this to mean that he's just not that into me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): At the time of Christmas, I was dating someone for almost 2 months, but I knew him since jun of 2010. We are not together anymore, and it did hurt me that he did not even get me a Christmas card. He has a lot of money and I am sure a 2 dollar card is not that much to ask. I did not say anything when that happened, but I did when we broke up. I got him a sweater of his favorite brand. I will never date a man who doesn't think about me on special days. I mean if he is not even making an effort on holidays when he is going to make you feel special? If you want a selfish man well yes stay with him, but if you want to be treated with love you will be better with someone else.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 i think he should have left a little something with you, not anything expensive but something that wouldve made you smile when you unwrapped it! but then maybe you may have not been happy coz you feel he had not spent enough! i feel sorry for men sometimes :) maybe he was not sure that you would still be together at this point coz one month is a very short time, i think i would try to not worry about it this time, but if you are still with him on valentines and he does not get you something, that will be another matter. it is all relative isnt it? he may be the sort of person for whom gifts and cards are not the way to show he cares, but you feel like they are important so this is a problem. i hope he treats you nice in other ways though, that is the main thing
xx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 December 2010):
 it is the lack of thought, by him, that bothers me.
And a belated present, delivered long after the event, has far less impact.
And he knew you were doing something too. So his actions suggest a lack of empathy on his part. He would know you thought him special enough to get him something.
If distance or money are issues then there is no reason why he could not do something. It is not as if he could cite immaturity like a 10 year old that he 'didn't know that was expected'.
It is mean.
I recall how hurt I was when my first child was born and then later baptised and at no point, not at time of birth, nor at baptism, did my mom think a present for the baby was required. Yet i never forgot her birthday and other special days during the year, for her.
He could have even made an effort with an E-card with a message that he is sorry your present is delayed but he is choosing it over there.
And before he left he could have prepared something romantic but meaningful. Even if it was a little booklet of promises, like a foot massage, a back rub, a meal he would cook you, doing a series of non sexual favors for you, all listed in the little booklet of promises.
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A
female
reader, madasshell1 +, writes (25 December 2010):
I wouldnt get too bent out of shape about it. Remember the true meaning of Christmas. You have only been dating a short period of time, maybe he feels he doesnt know you well enough to get you a gift you really enjoy, or maybe he cannot afford anything fancy and doesnt want to give you a crappy gift; either way, you shouldnt let it deter you from the relationship nor use this as a indicator of interest or not. Now give it a few months.....if he forgets or doesnt attempt to do anything for your birthday, then i question his interest, because your birthday is your special holiday that deserves recognition from your lover.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (25 December 2010):
 one time i was dating this guy. Then I went overseas to see my family.We spoke on msn and he told me "ur present is here waiting for you"....So I felt i should get him something as well. Since we werent dating for a long period I got him two books. When I went back and saw him and gave him the books he gave me nothing. Apparently the present was...himself.
What did I do? I read one of the books myself....in his presence. I clearly got annoyed.
Either way,you shouldn't get a man something unless he does (and you see it!)
lESSON LEARNED.
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 It doesn't depend at all people all seem to misread the true meaning of Christmas. You've been dating for only a month thats some high expectations on expecting a gift when you hardly know the guy more so when you know full well his overseas visiting family. Hell even some people (like myself) dont even bother giving gifts for its a lie on what the day is all about and in terms of relationship one shouldnt be expected to be bearing gifts constantly to prove their 'love' to someone.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Dating for a month is a very short period of time. If I was in your shoes and was just dating a man for just a month, I'd probably get him a card and MAYBE a small gift, but certainly nothing elaborate. You're just getting to know each other; knowing your likes and dislikes.
He's also visiting his family overseas. For all you know, he may surprise you and have a present for you when he gets back (shipping something overseas is very expensive!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): No it's not the actual present I care about. Its the romantic gesture... I sent him a book for Christmas, pretty simple. I wouldn't expect anything really nice, but just wanted to know he cared for me enough to send or do something you know? I wanted to do something nice for him and am disappointed he didn't want to do something nice for me as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I am experiencing exactly the same thing. Honestly, I don't know how to feel. We have openly talked about exchanging gifts and now that my gift has just arrived at his doorstep, I find myself wondering if he even thought of me at all. Unfortunately, there is little either of us can do. If we appear bitchy and demand an explanation, then we risk losing the relationship over something stupid. If we don't raise the problem, then we risk being hurt in the future.
I know he is broke right now, which may explain it. But he managed to buy a present for every one of his friends here at school... except for his own girlfriend. A little pathetic.
Don't act out of anger, however. Because that won't fix anything. A man who feels like a dog with its tail between its legs, a man whose pride is damaged (although not without reason) is unlikely to care to make it up to you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Well everyone has been saying I should let it slide, so I guess I will... but it still hurts!
--from the poster
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): ~I smell a precursor for tit for tat~
The answer to this question will result from your answer to the following questions:
What is the difference between a giver and a taker?
Why did you purchase him a gift?
Does your heart flutter with joy when you give?
Do you feel uncomfortable when given a gift?
Do you prefer a diamond ring or a hand-picked dandelion?
And oh...aside from what the other members wrote, perhaps he is financially broke...and that has nothing at all to do with their character.
Most importantly...I think the best christmas gift of all is person...Is his smile not enough?
God Bless.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 December 2010):
I think there are two things going on here, and neither mean that he doesn't like you.
1 - He's abroad seeing his family, which makes it difficult for him to send anything.
2 - You have only been dating a month, which is a very short time to suddenly be buying presents an such.
I think rather than focus on the lack of a present, you should give this more time and look at the relationship as a whole. It's just too soon to know what this man is truly thinking.
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