A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just found out I had a miscarriage,I didn't know I was pregnant so you can imagine I'm still a bit shaken, my question is about my boyfriend. We have a long distance relationship, things have been a bit rough lately and he's really stressed out with his training and his family. I don't know how he would react to this, should I tell him? I don't want to add more pressure on him but really he has a right to know. I havn't told anyone (apart from the nurse I saw) and really could use the support but he's young too I don't want to make things worse for him.Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): From a guys point, Yes! If you are holding this back then what else. Stress is the begin of your problems and his. It will take two to get through this. If you want that intimacy to keep going, keep talking to each other on all issues
A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair +, writes (21 February 2011):
I really think you should tell him. I mean he has lost a child too. Just like you. Yeah it could stress him out a bit more but he will wanna be there for you now. I'm sure he will be concerned about you and a bit shaken as yourself but really he has the right to know.
Plus tell him yourself its harsh having to hear things like that from other people.
Good Luck. It will be fine.
E
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Of course he should know ,this is his business too, not a private matter of yours. It may be stressful for him to hear - too bad, that's something that belongs to his life too.
I assume, since your young age,that this was an unplanned pregnancy. It will be a good occasion to talk with him about choosing a reliable contracception for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Tell him and tell your parents too. If this is something you don't feel you can discuss with them then tell another trusted adult or your school counselor.
Do not keep this in, go get some support in dealing with this.
It doesn't matter what's happening in his life, this is important and he has to know. Seriously tell a trusted adult, someone who can support and guide you through this OP one of the most important things in life is to talk about issues like these with people. Never keep anything in, if something is bothering you then you need to go talk to people about it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Tell him. It's as much his responsibility as yours, so why should you carry this burden all by yourself? And why keep this something hidden when it is something that should be shared between the two of you.
Talk to him. He's stressed out but he needs to deal with this as well.
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A
female
reader, Party rings +, writes (21 February 2011):
You have to tell your boyfriend you had a miscarrige after all it was his baby that died.I really feel for u at the moment and i hope u can sort it out and grieve together.I wish you all the luck in the world.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (21 February 2011):
 You HAVE to tell the father! No matter how difficult his life is, he needs to know! Getting pregnant and losing a baby is a big thing and its impact on your health, physically and psychologically will be enormous. You will need him beside you. Thats what a relationship is all about.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Of course he should know as he is the father?
You need support, you must feel just terrible.
It is a major and sad thing to lose a baby, even if you did not know that you were pregnant.
This is not the sort of thing a loving partner would normally hide from her beloved.
What about your mother? Can she give you support too?
But this is your call. If you think you can get some counselling and support that will help you. And if you think it will be far too much for him to ensure then talk it over with your counseller and make a decision after that
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (21 February 2011):
Yes, you should. You can then support each other through what happened. That's a benefit of being in a relationship, you don't have to go through difficult times alone. I hope things improve for you.
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A
female
reader, littleconfused +, writes (21 February 2011):
I think he should know just to be aware of this happening to you.
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A
female
reader, Rose22  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 yeah i think the best thing would be to tell him. even though he is stressed right now he does deserve to know as it would have been his child as well. i can totally understand how this would have shaken you up! any one would be if they didn't even know they were pregnant. the best thing you can do is either organize meeting him some where and tell him then. or maybe call him and try to calmly tell him what happened. its the best thing to do.
hope everything goes well, get back if you need to.
redrose
xox
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