A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i've been in relationship for a year, and then got engaged to a guy, but i feel inside he is sex addicted. we 've never been in a sexual relationship and i am still virgin, even in my thoughts about love..last time we went out we were exchanging kisses, he grabbed my hand and put my hand on his jeans exactly where his penis would be. i got nervous and took it away..he was very nervous too. And i was too..but really i don't know why he did this..and in such situation how should i react..if i accept this or not? help me please.
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engaged, fiance, sex addict Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, I want to thank you all. Your answers were really useful for me..really thanks..Got your point and its clear..all what you said does make sense and convinced me too. Thanks for letting me know that he did all these things out of love ;)
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 If he used to be a sex addict then the question isn't about putting your hand on his penis, the question is has he had therapy for his sexual addiction and recovered? If he hasn't then yes, once an addict always an addict and if you are expecting something else than what he is then you are sorely mistaken.
Your original question did not state that you knew he was in fact a sex addict. His behavior with you is besides the point actually.
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female
reader, Rose22  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 umm the guy loves you if hes still around, im sorry but if he didnt then he would have left you long ago. hes a guy and well he cares for you since he has waited this long for you.
how long do you intend to wait? he will eventually get sick of waiting and will look else where. im not saying he will but i wouldnt want that to come up!!
hes not a sex addict, dont fret. he was just horny.he probably wants you to feel the same.
all the best
redrose
xxx
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (19 February 2011):
After a year, sex is long overdue.I'm surprised he's still around.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 February 2011):
 at 22-25 age range it is entirely up to you decide your boundaries and expect others to respect your boundaries once you have made it clear to them.
If he desires you sexually and he's chosen you as his future wife, but you have remained in the relationship over this past year, fully celibate then all power to you, if this is what you want.
From his perspective have you discussed what you expect from lovemaking, after you marry? The frequency, your limits and your expectations?
Your fiance is already signalling that he desires you sexually, right now. A perfectly normal expectation of a fiance, even if it remains unfulfilled, untill after you marry. Certainly not a sex addict.
But have you felt desire for him? And fought that desire. Putting it on the back burner until after you marrry?
Or, instead have you felt so little desire that remaining celibate is no sacrifice for you?
There are perfectly normal people who can go for years with no sex drive at all
And there are perfectly normal people who start having sex as soon as they open their eyes in the morning and woild prefer to have another bout of sex before they make the evening meal. Every night. And they are normal too.
But for those who have no sexual desire at all? It is cruel if one with a non existent sex drive is paired with anyone with a normal sex drive, or anything of a higher sex drive than normal
Talk about all your sexual views attitudes and future sexual needs before the marriage to avoid the pain of misligned sexual expectations later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): Well if you already knew he was a sex addict in the past then you have to decide whether or not you can deal with that now.Him putting your hand there is not in itself a sure sign that he's still a sex addict or is really struggling to control himself. Him repeatedly putting your hand there if you had obviously rejected his advances is a little more worrying. If you're that uncomfortable with it then you're going to have to make that clear to him.I wasn't in exactly the same situation as you but I did date someone who had also slept with a lot of women when I was still a virgin. I became very paranoid whenever he tried to do anything sexual (because I was afraid he was using me) that I had to end it. So again seriously consider if you can get over his past. Also if he has slept around and you have a problem with him even putting your hand there, with jeans on, after dating for a year, then to be honest it sounds like you two have really mis-matched sex drives.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 So you have no evidence to claim that he's a sex addict; just your hunch.
I still am of the same opinion. If you like this, do it; if you don't, don't do it.
His putting your hand "you know where" does not mean he doesn't respect you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant he used to be a sex addict...he was a ballet dancer, had affairs alot. But for me I never let him do anything for this, he engaged me because I am different. I didn't pretend to be different, but that's my type. Back to my question. Yes he insisted each time I took my hand he put it back, but gently as he wanted to say please show love..got me honey??
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): doubtful that he's an addict. he's ready for you but as he didnt make a comment or say anything when you pulled away it shows that he isnt going to force you to do something you aren't ready for. he's trying to advance further in a sexual aspect though maybe not sex yet but just trying to spice up the relationship a bit and let the 2 of you create a better stronger bond but he is willing to wait. as i dont know yours or his exact age i can only say if you arent ready yet dont do anything it could hurt the relationship you do have. if you are the wait til marriage type he will wait with you. at some point you're going to have to get over being shy and be with him definitely when you do get married let loose and have some fun you can be shy but you need to open up and explore (again when you are ready)
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female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn +, writes (19 February 2011):
he is not a sex addict, he is just turned on and very attracted to you and want a sexual relationship with you too... I, like yourself, am a virgin and the guy i was dating did the exact same thing. It is your decision whether you want want to be that intimate with him or not. just communicate with him... trust me he is not addicted ... most if not every guy who is extremely turned will do that if they are in a heavy make out session with a girl
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 February 2011):
Well, if you want to put your hands on the area where his penis IS, do it. If you don't want that, don't. This is up to you.
I do know why he did that. He wanted you to touch his penis.
I don't see how doing this makes him a sex addict. Did you notice that the guy didn't insist when you took your hand away?
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
He is just being sexual with you. Putting your hand on his penis through his pants is a signal he wants you to unzip his pants and go with what ever happens.It doesn't mean he is a sex addict, he is attracted to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): I don't think having him lead your hand in the direction of his penis makes him a sex addict. He was probably just horny which is understandable. I think you may be jumping to conclusions.
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female
reader, cupidscurse +, writes (19 February 2011):
It doesn't sound to me like he's a sex addict, but he definitely wants to do it with you! Maybe if you explained your feelings on the matter to him he might take things a little slower and be a bit more understanding. If he's worth losing your virginity to, he'll be more than happy to wait for you.
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