| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi: I don't know what to do with my relationship. My bf and I have been fighting for months now. I am not sure what is going on but it seems to be a disagreement on both of us on house chores. We both have very demanding jobs; and it is hard for both of us. But, I get the feeling that he is not happy about anything that I do. For example, I have never been the type to cook and clean ," housewife" type of women. I am very dynamic; I work really hard, I manage a business which is very demanding, I make good money and I manage my finance very well. At the end of the day I am exhausted; and I just want to go home relax and have a cup of wine perhaps. On the other hand, my bf is always complaining about the fact that I don't take care of the house and that I don't cook, clean,or do the laundry etc. We kind of divide the task but it seems that he does not quite get it. If he is in charge of the Vacuum clean, why do I have to remind him? He wants me to feel responsible for everything that has to do with the house. He is constantly putting example of couples and comparing Mrs. Smith does breakfast for his husband every morning!!! or she cooks everyday for her family!!! Then I replied: Why do you have to compare us to another couple? and it always is to make me look bad? like if I am committing a crime?My thinking is that we are our own couple and we don't have to follow nobody's rules as long as it is fair. I hate every time he brings another couples' example. I get really mad.. then we fight...Am i right?????
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 He has no right to demand you do more chores than him on the grounds that you are female. Especially if he's not holding up his side of the bargain. It's incredibly sexist and old fashioned. This is 2011, not 1955, right?
To try to fix it, you two should sit down and make a list of all the chores that need to be done and divide them up evenly. Hang the list on the wall. Make sure the repetitive unrewarding ones, like cleaning toilets, washing dishes, etc... get divided evenly (so you don't get stuck with the worst ones), and work out some way that they both get done. If there's some task he thinks should be done, but is actually his chore or something, tell him if he wants it done to do it himself.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You are both competitive driven people. With a possibly high dose of selfish gene thrown into the mixture too. With a need to win. And both knowing how things SHOULD be.
So if this issue was no longer there to be an issue, then you can bet the domestic issues would be replaced with another issue to battle with.
So Let's get this domestic chores issue off the table. The two of you earn good money. So employ a person to come in
five days a week, to load/unload the dishwasher, deal with washing,
vacuuming, bed making, vacuuming, dusting.
After the person is employed and you fnd your home spotless each evening,
It is very likely that the need to be the leader will surface again in the relationship. For one or both of you.
At which point you may have to learn more tact, more empathy and far less impatience than you use now in your relationship. To enjoy more harmony in your relationship.
Motto : don't sweat the small stuff
Than
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