A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Three days before I married my husband, he shared that he had been having lunch with a female co-worker for two-years. I asked him to stop this as he wasn't taking me to lunch and I felt it was innappropriate. He realized that he wouldn't want me to do this and supported my request to stop. He never paid for lunch and she always asked him to go. Fast forward three-years into marriage and he emotionally abandonded me. We had a baby who had a number of medical issues and was in the NICU for a month...we went through a lot of truama. He became angry all the time and emotionally abandoned me then sex went from 3 X per/wk to 1 time a month. He stated he wanted it less often and no longer masterbated. He's been checked no testosterone issues. Therapist and doctor thinks it's stress (he's been promoted at work, financial issues due to medical bills, fighting with me. Finally, I just had been doing research on internet to figure out all the possibilities. Then I got a hard education on how men think. He did admit, finally that during masterbation he does think of other women. He states it's normal. He said he probably MB to the thoughts of co-worker in the beginning, like when she started working there. But, not any more and said he didn't think of her like that while at lunch. I don't believe that. Is that normal to be lunching with co worker and masterbating thinking about them, but be in a committed relationship. I'm in so much pain. I like too many woman were naive about how men's brains work. I feel he crossed a boundary. It's one thing to think of any faceless woman, but this was someone he spent time with alone. We are getting back into our sex life and frankly I have a great sex drive and totally rock his world with my creativity (I'm very kinky)so I am not insecure there. Thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 No that is not normal!
I can't believe he said that! Stunned!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Hi most definitely was having and emotional affair with the women and he was lusting for her. But he did not see her as Wife/Mother of his children. She was just for his pleasure Poor woman might have thought she had a chance? I am wondering if she was married or in a relationship already.
Although it is unpalatable and yuk that he was thinking of her that is the reality of what men need. Usually a Visual stimulant like a picture. Be thankful they never booked a room and never took things to the next level.
Though in her defence: he may have been her platonic friend and she might have been horrified if she had known what he was doing later.
As far as thinking of his coworker when he masturbated? I think men do many things that, if we knew, we could be horrified.
When he finally told the woman he was getting married to you she was no doubt very upset.
Sounds like he needs to make more time for rest and relaxation. And keep on building the caring and sensuality into your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Men are pigs. He is attracted to this woman and YES he MB'd about her. That being said, then it would start to get personal to me! "Maybe" he isn't having lunch with her, but how do you "really" know that?? Sounds like he is having an emotional affair with her. You can't go to lunch with a female co-worker for TWO YEARS that he is attracted to and not have that develop.
That he emotionally abandoned his own wife when there were medical issues and then the sex dwindled too is telling.
Are you sure he didn't have sex with her during this time?
I'm glad your sex life is getting back on track but if a man has abandoned me during a time of crisis due to medical concerns and not been supportive during this then I would take issue with him. There is more going on with him and I would want to know what that is even it means getting some counseling.
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