A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have boyfriend dat we have 5year inrelationship ilove him very much n i knw he realy love me too ,idnt knw hw to trust him again n forgving him after finding out that he impregnant one of his ex-gf dat they date 6year ago ,he said it was mistake to slept wth her bt i talkd to the gal she said all she want its the babe ,dnt need myboyfrnd guys hw can i live wth this or should i move on wth mylife am 22 n hes 25
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female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (28 January 2013):
It isn't clear wether or not he slept with this girl and got her pregnant while dating you, or before.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Break up and move on. Dating someone who has a young kid by another woman is asking for drama, baggage, and if he is a good parent, he will be a terrible partner because you will always come in second to his child and the kid's mother will rule over him. and that is destructive for any new relationship. You should move on and find a guy who does not have kids so that you can have a full relationship without another woman forever in the picture. You should find another man whom should the relationship become more serious you can start a family with and not have to share him with another family that he already has.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 January 2013):
Oh wait, sorry I didn't get that he had the baby before you met. Disregard my previous advice.
I had a serious relationship with a girl who had a young son and it didn't bother me at all, so I don't know how to help you.
You just have to remember that people had lives before they met you and that helped them become who they are which is who you love.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 January 2013):
 This was before he met you. He had a relationship with a girl before he met you. He was 19, a teenager.
You were 17 and he 20 when you got together.
Did you know he had a Gf before you started as a couple? Not many boys aged 20 who have not slept with a girl.
And perhaps at 19 he forgot to use protection sometimes?
Unprotcted sex can lead to pregnancy.
Can I assume he has been faithful to you for the last five years?
If yes, then he is committed to you.
Did he know his ex was pregnant when he broke up with her?
Then can I assume that he pays child support and thus is an honorable man.
It is not the fault of the child that the child was conceived.
And all children deserve (but do not always get) an honorable father who takes an interest in their child.
Are you prepared to encourage your partner to see the child regularly and take an interest in the child?
Because the child will benefit from that level of interest and it is good training for when he becomes a father to the children you may have together, if you want children.
He did not cheat on you by conceiving this child before you met.
But are you most upset that he did not tell you that he had a child.
If he knew he had a child and did not tell you and chooses to not see the child and does not pay child support then you have a right to be upset. As that is dishonorable behavior.
But if he knew and he told you as soon as he knew then is it another emotion that you are feeling?
How can you cope?
By examining exactly what is the emotion you are feeling.
By being honest about what it is that you think he did that was wrong in your view.
By examining what he did that was truly wrong.
And by asking him calmly if there are any other things he needs to tell you.
Listen to him calmly in silence. Don't interrupt. Allow him to be honest. Don't judge.
None of us are perfect.
Maybe the girl thinks she does not need her child to know the father of the child.
She is wrong. All children deserve a loving mother and a loving father. Sometimes a loving step parent can be important too.
Be supportive without judging.
The girl was in his life at the time.
He loves you now. You are the important and significant woman in his life now.
Do not allow your insecurities about the situation to drive a wedge between you and him and thus drive him away from you. He had stood by you for five years. That tells me he cares about you.
And spare a thought for the abandoned ex who he is no longer with. It is not easy bringing up a child, with or without the other parent's support.
And tell him to NEVER say to the child that it was a 'mistake'. That is a very cruel thing to say to any child.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 January 2013):
You probably won't be able to move on because the baby will be a constant reminder of his lies and cheating.
It's like when a loved one dies; you never really get over it, you just learn to live with it.
The difference is that in a relationship you have a choice. If you hate the way he's made you feel then move on. You'll be over him soon enough.
Good luck!
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