A
female
age
36-40,
*ablis07
writes:Married for over 11-12 years with passive aggressive husband who constantly diminishes my every move. I have 2 sons who are 8 and 10, and a daughter who just turned 1.Scared that no one will take care of me when I get old. I'm always good at my own things, but he deteriorates every single thing I do. He doesn't look at the bright side of life unless he has money.He spends so much on his hobby's such as fishing, hunting, and guns yet with a modest budget per year with a family of 5 and spends as if he has so much more money.I'm so deeply hurt and not sure after 11-12 years of marriage if I should stay, but find it hard because after working all these years I just had my daughter and now am not working. I can't find a way to get out because my family is not supportive.I have no income, and he's financially and emotionally controlling and I'm constantly under surveillance. Additionally my younger son is developing a learning disability when he consistently denies this and knows it's super hard to teach my son any homework. How can I leave? I don't know if I should just lay down the law and get into a transitional housing or something? I'm just so scared because everything such as bills comes right out of my checking account. Should I really discourage him in our marriage by turning everything against him? I don't know cause I still love him but I cant face it?We just got into an argument yesterday night because I didn't cook for him on time. The reason was because I got wrapped up in looking for a job online and applying for it. I told him I'm sorry and really pleaded that I would do it, he got mad and yelled at me loudly, so I blew up, and yelled at him, then it all got really irate and angry -he called me a useless b^^^h; it hurt me so bad.Not only that, he said, "I cheated on you" which made me really mad, but unsure. I said, "Are you serious?" he didn't even reply. He would never say anything like that but now I'm not so sure if he is really telling the truth or not. I was so hurt I cried and wept like a baby to bed. Please help me with advice on what to do.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You need some urgent advice on how to safely get out of this relationship.
There is also more support out there to help a person leave an abusive relationship.
If you contact the abuse lines below they can put you in touch with more support networks and advice to allow you to safely leave your husband.
Don't try to alienate him. You will only make things worse.
Don't tell him you are leaving as that will backfire on you.
Get the right advice and follow the instructions of the support line people and leave in a safe way so that you and the children are safe.
It is abusive for your children to have to witness the abuse.
It wears you down.
Please try the help lines below
The National Domestic Violence Shelter Network and Hotline
HOTLINES - US National Domestic Violence Hotline
• MAIN NUMBER 1-800-799-7233
• New York 1-800-942-6906
• California 1-800-524-4765
• http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/index.htm
• - getting out of abuse situations
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 I don't know much about transitional housing but making the first move is always the most difficult. You just need to start somewhere. You need more than a place to live. Sounds like you need protection order from him too. He might now know your plans for divorce and might lash out when he does not have a person as a punching bag anymore. As much as divorce is a good idea, you are also lowering his standard of life now that he has to spend money on child support rather than golfing, fishing, or fine dining with other women. Don't worry about having no one to take care of you. You are a young parent so when you are old you have 3 children to take care of you. Build a good relationship with them and show them if you can do it, they can too. Your husband has already discouraged you enough from this marriage. He's out before you are ready.
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