A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,My parents have completed 23 years of marriage and. U may think 'wow' but noo,never once in my life I'v seen the love,I think they were together for me,it was an arranged marriage,they weren't in love,they were supposed to fall in love after marriage but that did not happen,my dad keeps blaming mom for all the ups and down's in his life,I'v seen them fight,argue as a kid,although now it still does happen but I choose to ignore..my dad cheated on my mom with another woman he's working with,and my mom knows about this,ready to let this go and work the marriage with him,seeing them I'v become very scared of the concept of marriage,I was never scared but now I am,and now my parents want to find me some suitable men and want me to meet them,I don't want to do that,I want to chose my own partner,I want to love and be loved than being forced to marry and then forced to leave..I'v decided if my parents pressure me on meeting the men,I'm going to go against them,its my life after all I'v to live with the man not them!what do I do?anything else u'l suggest!please don't tell me talk to them I'v tried they wouldn't listen.. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): You should stick to your opinions and stand firm in your decision to live your life the way YOU want to, because it is YOUR life. You are the one who has to pay the price of your own marriage, not your parents. So you should have the final say in who and when you marry.
your parents probably consider that their marriage is normal or maybe they acknowledge their marriage is bad but blame their own parents for having match-made them and believe they can make better choices for you than their parents made for them.
either way, it's your life, and you're the one who stands to gain or lose a lot as a result of your marriage so you should do it your way.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 First off you are an adult. That is good.
Secondly your parents have chosen a country that views forced marriages as illegal.
And thirdly as an adult you can say no.
Your flag indicates that you are from Australia. Another plus for you.
what I would suggest is that you not visit your parent's birth country (where I will assume that arranged marriages are more the norm). At least not until you are married to a person of your choice.
Because the law is on your side in your current country (as indicated by yoru flag)
Forced marriages can be made invalid by the Courts in your country.
And you most certainly can say NO to an arranged marriage where you do not want to have an arranged marriage.
You are over the age of 21. Have you completed your studies yet? Are you working yet? If yes then I suggest you move out of home (if you have not already moved out of home) and live your life independantly. Trust me the sky will not fall down.
If you fear any retribution or fear for your safety from your parents or their agents or extended family then make an application for a Court Order for your parents or their agents to to keep their distance (from trying to harass you)until they come to the realisation that times have changed and that forced marriages are not acceptable in the country where you now live.
And if you don't believe me as to how much power you have as a young woman who will not be forced into an arranged marriage then perhaps read some of the research I did before I chose to answer your question.
here is what I found:
http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/lifematters/ending-early-and-forced-marriage/3587300
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-04-02/forced-marriage-an-issue-in-australia/3926708
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/arranged-marriage-ruled-invalid/story-e6frg6nf-1225999051515
http://www.sbs.com.au/insight/episode/overview/457/Arranged-Marriage
http://peter.armstronglegal.com.au/australian-court-prevents-arranged-marriage/
http://www.news.com.au/national-old/judge-blocks-14-year-old-girls-arranged-marriage/story-e6frfkvr-1225922933605
...............................
|
