A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a really big problem. I know some will say i am a 'friendzoner' idiot, but I dont know what to do. I am in a relationship with a guy that I love. I feel I love him and I like every inch of him. I cannot really tell what is what I like. We cannot talk without arguing we are not laughing at the same things or watch the same movies. I never fancied good looking guys as I thought they were shallow. And now I have one and of course he is shallow and mean. But beautiful.On the other hand I have a magnificient friend. He is nice and clever and caring and sweet and I could not say a bad word about him as he is almost perfect. But I cannot make myself love him. I dont know what is that I am not attracted to him, but I am not. And although I know we could make a perfect couple we would have a great marriage, I cannot make myself love him. What should i do? I dont want to fake love as it would not be fair with him. How should I fell in love with him? I dont know whether someone would take a love potion in order to make herself love someone, but I am that person. I want to love one and forget the another who is not worth my love and effort. Please tell me something before i go crazy.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 You can't fall in love with someone you don't love.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Sometimes the Chemistry is just not there. So many variables that you cannot control. Their Pheremones. How their skin feels, looks and what reaction you get when you touch it.
If the feeling is not there you may as well be measuring a man for a suit.
when the magic is there the thrills shoot up your arm. And shooting stars in your head, and the Butterflies start dancing in your tummy
your skin feels tingly.
However in the past people marriages often were organised by parents and a whole range of perfect attributes were identified. The couple met for the first time on their wedding day, confident in the knowledge that their parents has investigated every angle and declared this person as the perfect match. For the couple, for the family and for their future together. most times it worked. Sometimes it did not. They expected to fall in love gradually from the day they married.
However I could never consider ever marrying someone unless those butterflies were dancing and those stars were glittering.
You could sit down with and get to know him even better. But you cannot fake it as soon or later he would be upset to find your attention was designed to try to encorage the flames of attraction to start sizzling.
Though I always say that if you cannot decide between two men then neither are right for you.
When you KNOW a guy IS the ONE then you will only see him and no one else will be able to compare with him. only he will matter to you.
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