A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started dating this guy 3 years ago. At first he seemed so sweet and trustworthy. After a few months we started to fight over the fact that I was still friends with my ex boyfriend. We would fight a lot because I could tell he didn't trust me, however I never ever came anything close to cheating or lying to him. Then my boyfriend cheated on me. Got drunk and went home and had sex with another girl because him and I were fighting. I was so devastated when I found out I couldn't stop crying for days. He cried to me over and over about how sorry he was and how he did it to get back at me bc he thought I was cheating. I eventually forgave him and we got back together. That was 2 and a half years ago and now I found out today he cheated again. I'm even more devastated than before. I'm so in love with him but I can't forgive this!!!I feel so hurt, my best friend betrayed me again and i'll never be good enough for someone, to not cheat on me. I can't eat or move out of my bed and I'm so upset and lost. Please help me. All I want is for him to call me and tell me it's not true and he loves me but I know it is true and he'll do it again but for some reason I still just love him and miss him. Please give me advice on how to stop caring for this person who obviously doesn't care about me. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Don't allow this man to bring you to your knees emotionally. Any relationship that causes you to sink so low emotionally is in danger of over-whelming you.
Seek help before it gets to that stage.
No partner is worth suffering so bad that you feel completely overwhelmed.
if you are hurting really bad about this I suggest that you try some of the FREE help lines to talk things over.
such as:
USA helplines
1-800-273-8255 – talk
And befrienders.org
1-800-784-2433 – suicide
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/original.htm
U.S. call 1-800-SUICIDE
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): oh, i totally hear you and i feel so sorry for what you are going thru. i know it feels like. break up with him ASAP, he doesnt deserve a girl like you. i really hope you find the courage and strenght to do it. and try to not feel sorry, he didnt know how valuable and good girl you are and how to treat you with respect. i completely despise cheaters, nobody deserves to be cheated on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): He's cheated on me twice. I can't get over it. But I still love him but I NEED to get over him because I am so SO depressed I just want to cry. Please help me how do I get over someone I love but hate at the same time?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 January 2013):
Hi there. From what you have said, I am guessing that you are still together.
Is that right?
Have you ever sat down together and talked about this BIG issue for him, of you still being friends with your ex boyfriend?
If you haven't up until now, well then you really need to.
Otherwise, this trust issue that he has regards the friendship with your ex, is not going to go away anytime soon.
Even if all you have said to him about it, was just something like - "There is nothing between us now, we are just friends and that's all." - no doubt, he isn't really believing this very much.
He still has a lot of doubts.
His logic would probably be - "Well, if it's over now, why is she still in contact with him?"
And also - "Will I lose her to him?"
And you would have to say, that would be the first questions you would be asking yourself.
Just supposing he was in contact with his ex girlfriend and you knew about it, or just found out about it, you would be worrying about it also, wouldn't you?
You couldn't help but worry!
It really does seem that there are some BIG trust issues there for him, and they all stem back to the fact that you are still in contact with your ex.
It seems he just can't get past it.
And like you said here, he said the reason he cheated on you was to get back at your - when he was drunk - for the anger he felt about you keeping in contact with your ex all the time.
He almost certainly is starting to doubt your love for him, and whether you are sincere or not.
So because of all this, you need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what the situation is now, between you and your ex.
And just what kind of relationship that friendship is.
Because at the moment, he doesn't have a clue!
And as you also said here, you need to tell HIM what you told us, that you would never cheat on him or lie.
He needs to know this, and that you are being totally honest when you tell him.
And when you talk to him - if you do decide it's worth it to do so - you need to be both on the same page, and clarify that you both want the same thing.
And if it comes to the point where you have a chat, and he says he can't get past the "friends with your ex" situation, well then you will have to make a decision whether it's worth it to continue being with him.
At the moment, all it's doing is making you very very unhappy.
Is it really worth it?
Trust is so important in all relationships, and once it is lost, it can be very difficult to get it back again.
And TRUST is really what we are talking about here, isn't it?
Not only does he not trust you, now you don't trust him either, because he started cheating - which all was triggered by his doubts about your and your ex.
So there you have it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 I believe he had already cheated when he had a "problem" with you being friends with your ex. He accused first so he did not look like the guilty one. He also fought with you to come up with a "reason" for cheating. If you had not broken up with him already you should. Do not stay friends with him. You have to realize friends do not betray each other. What you were chasing was the short term sweet moment you had at the beginning. It was not meant to last long because he can't stay faithful.
There is always a debate on whether to stay friends with exes. It is a safer bet to cut contact. It saves you from a lot of headache and it allows you to devote more to the next boyfriend.
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