A
female
age
30-35,
*ady in Love
writes:My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure!-he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so!-very tender and kind outside the bed, sometimes we don't even mention sex! we talk and laugh and have fun like kinder garden children, which a quality he adores in me the most. -he is very very very!! persuasive in what ever he says-a great actor in front of people yet swears he would never act on me-used to date 3 to 6 girls all in the same month or so,never lasted with one girl more than two months,and a girl never lasted more than 2 hours to respond positively, and they still do!-his past might seem frightening, yet it may be the most thing that attracted me to him since i really adore a wild sex life!-he loves me dearly and has never left me alone in any bad situation caused or not caused by him.-every month at the 17th we celebrate our love and he always brings cake and amazing flowers and if financially possible a gift, and off course i bring him a gift too.-i keep a close eye on his chats and he has a tendency to talk dirty with some women or an ex every two month!he just cheats spiritually on me every two months its like his own menstruation cycle or something! and we fight over it, i dump him, he promises its the last time, we get back together and the cycle begins all over again.-i keep a close eye at where he is,and i'm sure through all the 7 months he has never been in bed with any other women, he never physically cheated.-we talk dirty, we talk romantic, we talk as friends, as co-workers, in short he says that i'm everything in his world , yet at the end of the two months he chats with some ex until she finally cracks and brings up how much she misses some sex positions with him ext.-he said that he simply enjoys knowing that he is still the king of players, and that he can still make two and more girls go to bed with him as he used to be in the past. he admits its totally wrong, and asks me to treat him as a patient. -every time he cheats i leave, and he follows crying for forgiveness, bringing flowers, waits in front of the university ext.i'm sure he loves me, and i know i do too. with all the hurt he have done to me, and even though i have basically lost the trust in him, i can't move on him,when i leave i miss him even more hurtfully than the cheating effect, i'm just bounded to him sincerely.1)is their any solution for his hurting behavioral other than counselling that he refused?2)is getting married to him a good move, knowing that he has proposed?3)could i be afraid to loose him, only in fear of loosing the great saturating sex life he provides me?please help me, i need to have distinct opinions on the marriage approval or disapproval move.thank you for any help you are going to provide
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co-worker, flowers, get back together, insecure, move on, player, sex life, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 You write: "...but i will not fall weak for his kindness!! I HOPE!"
HOPE, SCHMOPE!!!! Drop those two words and live by the rest of this comment!!!!!
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Lady in Love +, writes (2 February 2013):
Lady in Love is verified as being by the original poster of the question Denise32 : I WILL leave him! and CMMP i will win my self and he will leave me!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 February 2013):
I hope you stick with it! If you do, you are sending a solid message to him: you're not going to get away with treating me this way.
If you go back to him you'll be telling him that all he needs to do is be nice and he can get away with anything.
You "won" because you've done something a lot of people can't. I congratulate you, please stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 February 2013):
Don't say you "hope" you won't fall for his kindness - take the attitude that you WILL not be persuaded by it! Become a woman of steel so far as he's concerned!
Remember, it's only a ploy to try to get you not to end it with him! If you were to give in (and we know you won't!) his 'kind' behavior would quickly revert to what it was before - like a snowflake melting in the sun!
Keep up the good work and let us know how you're doing after you leave your current job.....
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A
female
reader, Lady in Love +, writes (2 February 2013):
Lady in Love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionevery one thanks one more time! i closed my phone and i'm treating him very formally at work and refusing his proposals to join dinner or break fast making my studying for my exams as my excuse.
yet i think he feels i'm leaving because he is being extra extra caring, reporting every move he is doing, paying a visit every second!
but i will not fall weak for his kindness!! I HOPE!
i will keep you updated! and your answers will keep me on the right way!
Thank you all
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 February 2013):
No, DON'T give him a Valentine gift OR card.
He does not deserve it.
The violent sex and his "reason" for it being that it was a month since your last sex, shows very clearly - in fact, you could say that his words could have been shouted from the rooftops - demonstrates once again that he does not love you or respect you!
Block him from Facebook; put a block on your phone number in regard to any calls he might try to make to you. Avoid him as much as possible at work until you leave and when you do, don't give him any information as to where you will next be working or living.
If he threatens you either verbally or with violence, report him to the police. I hope they would take steps to protect you - otherwise, do you have a big brother, friend or male cousin who would be willing to sort him out?
Check in with us again later in the month and let us know how you're doing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): That is not love. When you love someone you do everything in your power to make them happy, and to treat them right, not hurt him..He knows youre going to continously keep coming back to him soo he truly has nothing to worry about.. You may love him but he has no respect for you.. He wont be faithful to you, he will run all over you and you will just let him too..
and if you hes about to mess up, and your waiting for him too, you shuld know thats not a healthy relationship..do you honestly think you could deal with that for the rest of your life? is that how you want to live?
Leave him, there is someone out there who will only have eyes for you, dont rush it.. Hes not the one sweetie.. you can do better.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 February 2013):
I wouldn't give him a gift that'd just be sending mixed messages.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 February 2013):
 Hi you are under no obligation to provide a valentine gift.
You might even prefer to be indisposed such that you can't see him for sex. It is a bit of a worry that you have to still work through for another three weeks. Hope the office grapevine does not divulge info.
Seek out some specialized advice on how to disappear and stay safe.
Hope he has none of your passwords and no compromising photos
Stay safe.
And Best Wishes
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A
female
reader, Lady in Love +, writes (1 February 2013):
Lady in Love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionevery one!!really THANK YOU for answering my doubts.i have thought of what you said several times yet always he found a way to convince me the other way around.I AM GOING TO GO!I will leave surprisingly giving him no trace to find and convince me back to be in this suffering relation ship.he is my work college ,so i guess i will leave work before leaving him so we wouldn't pump in each others face which makes it impossible for me to move on.it has been two month since his last cheating, and i'm waiting for the perfect excuse to go some time soon!something worth mentioning is that yesterday we had sex that was really very violent, i did enjoy it, but not as much as the tender sex i was used to. when i asked him why were you this violent he answered because it has been over a month to our last intercourse!! A One month FREE of sex month made him this violent, how could he be so tender before where sometimes it could take more than 2 month sex free period of time!valentine is coming, and my boss said i can leave work at the 23rd of February, so i can't break up with him until then! should i bring him a gift? is breaking up with him on the valentine a good idea? or should i avoid it so i would not remember him every valentine?again, REALLY thank you for giving me the truth SLAP! i needed it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): If he keeps breaking his promise to you about talking sexually with other women. How can you expect him to keep any promises he makes to you in a marriage? He has proven to be untrustworthy, he drives you crazy and you are continually having to check up on him. Marriage to someone like that would be very difficult and eventually, once the sex became monotonous, he would get bored and wander off. Because it is the sex he loves, not you. He treats you with a degree of contempt to think that a bunch of flowers and a few tears will get him off the hook every time. Eventually you will have enough of his ways and the sex will stop making up for his lack of respect for you. It happens! Please do not think that marriage or children will change him. He doesn't want to change. You will have to make all the changes needed to accept this man and his ways. Personally I would withdraw sex for a while and go back to dating, see how he copes with it. I dont think he will be so interested once sex is no longer readily available to him because he needs sex and ego massages. If you don't provide that, he will get it somewhere else quick smart. That is NOT love but an insecure man who feels he is very good at one thing and women are only good for that one thing! A marriage to such a person would be very difficult to maintain for any length of time without counselling. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 You say you are sure he loves you… how in the world can you be sure he loves you? His behavior tells me otherwise. I think you are blinded by what you want.
You have only been together 7 months. That’s not very long at all
If he’s very persuasive, what’s to say he is not persuading you to “look the other way” at his emotional infidelities?
If he’s a great actor in front of others, he’s a great actor with you too. Trust me. the fact that he says he would never do it is just an act.
Just because you celebrate your “anniversary” with cake and flowers and a gift does not mean he loves you… it means it’s good at remembering dates and doing what he knows pleases you enough to keep you on the hook…
You keep a close eye on his chats… WHY the NEED? My husband chats online with his gaming friends… I could care less what they say or do… I trust him. I know his stuff is harmless…do you trust your boyfriend? Probably not if you have to “keep a close eye on his chats” do you want to be the mommy and the police in your relationship? Cause that’s what you do now….
SPIRITUALLY CHEATING IS STILL CHEATING. In fact in my book it’s worse than physically cheating. I would rather my man bang a woman who he expends no effort on who he does not care about rather than have him offer words of love to her.
If you were everything in his world he would not be spiritually cheating on you. He would not be talking dirty with other women.
“he is still the king of players” honey this man does NOT LOVE YOU. Players who still consider themselves players are cheaters and liars and only love themselves. Players in love, stop playing. MEN in love stop looking. MEN in love who said “I’m never ever getting married… GET MARRIED”
EVERY TIME HE CHEATS (and that screams I DON’T LOVE HER. I DON’T RESPECT HER) you forgive him… that tells him that he can cheat and lie and you will take him back… the best of both worlds.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Stop kidding yourself.
He’s refused counseling….. that’s NOT good. My husband who never wanted to get married. ASKED ME to go to counseling with him to make our relationship stronger… a key sign to me that he was invested in our relationship and wanted it to work.
So THERE is NO solution to fixing this man. He is not in love with you. He does not want to settle down with you.
MARRIAGE is a horrible idea…. He knows if you marry him he can cheat and lie and you will forgive him? Is this how you want to live?
Trust me you can find more men out there for sex… he’s not the only fish in the sea.
Cut this one loose.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I think you should send your boyfriend packing. He's a con man. The fact that he's nice some of the time is all part of the con. If he were mean all of the time he'd be easier to spot and easier to kick to the curb, wouldn't it?
As for his request that you treat him as a patient....there is so much you could do with that but really it's a waste of time. Just get rid of him. No drama, no big scene and no warning. just quietly walk away.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 January 2013):
In all your glowing and gushy submittal, THIS phrase stands out: "(He's) a great actor in front of people yet swears he would never act on me...."
Sorry to advise that, yes, he has acted on you... AND he continues to "act on" you.... AND, despite all your validations, he probably will continue to "act on" you until/unless you get sick and tired of his "acting"... and put an end to this "relationship".....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2013):
He's snared you in his web and you can't see a way to extricate yourself from his poisoned trap. But you're feeling uneasy. His pleading, presents and play-acting is very dramatic. It's a well-practised game. He's loves all the drama. He plays up, you leave, he puts on his big act, you succumb and then the two of you make-up and it feels lovely because he promises that you're the 'ONE’. It's a game to him. Because he's a player. But what happens when you wise up to his game? You know you are close to being ready to confront his obvious lies and insincerity? When he knows that you can see through his lies then he'll know he can't fool you anymore. So many other women have wised up to him in the past. Then he'll stop pleading with you. Then he'll go looking for a new victim and his game will start all over again. He's stuck in a loser's rut. Without counselling for his addiction to playing he's still be chasing skirt and cheating on all of them when he's an old man. It's an affliction and he's in denial that it's a problem. Protect yourself now. Yes the sex is exciting because he very practised as a lover. But he's an illusion. Physically he's great at sex. But he can't sustain fidelity nor can he ever be exclusively yours. You are going to find it very hard to untangle yourself from his dangerous sticky web. So quietly go and see a counsellor and ask for support while you break up with him to ensure that you stay apart from him in the three to six months after the day you breakup. You will save yourself years of pain by breaking with his. And you will have to put up with his (apparently flattering) crocodile tears as he tries to get you back. That's when a counsellor will help you make your way through that mine field, as he pulls out all the stops to get you back. A genuine really true man who does genuinely adore you and who is not a player, and who eventually reveals that he wants to maryhow does such a man treat you? A genuine guy has eyes only for you. He does not keep in touch with his ex-girlfriends. And if an ex contacts him he says no and finishes the call after asking her to never call ever again. He does not have the insecurities of a player. And he can be relied upon to keep his word.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Please stop playing youR self cheap. this Punk ain't nothing but a **mn Cheater!Find youself someone else He's not worth it
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (29 January 2013):
This guy is nothing but a cheater and you really can't say he hasn't been in bed with other women doing the 7 months with you,I find that hard to believe for a player like this guy, if he's talking dirty to his ex and other women then believe me he's likely having wild sex with them also.Your whole life is ahead of you so focus on your schooling and not a player. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You are only 18 years old so this is not your first and last boyfriend and same for him.BUT!!!! If that's all you want out of life is a cheater, wild sex and having to deal with all his other women then marry him. AND also you might want to stop saying this player loves you because if he did he wouldn't be bragging to you about how many women he slep or sleeping with.I could understand if he really really love you and wanted to come clean about his pass but that is not the case, it makes him feel good to sit up and talk to you about how many women he's banging because he knows all you're going to do is leave, come back and have wild sex.I would move on and never look back. You need to woman up so you can be a good example to your future children.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 January 2013):
I don't think you should leave him necessarily, but if you stay with him you'll basically have to accept his behavior. Can you do that?
He's not likely to change as its just who he is.
There are plenty of people out there who have successful relationships with people who are unable to be monogamous. It sucks, but if he is as good of a boyfriend as you say he is then it's at least worth considering as an option.
He should also know that if he's free to do what he wants then you are as well.
Under no circumstances should you get married until you've learned to accept his behavior as it will only lead to heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 January 2013):
PLEASE, please, please, LISTEN and pay attention to what Tisha1 and Janniepeg have told you!!
I am absolutely serious in telling you that you would be out of your mind to marry this man!
Look here: you've dated him for 7 months and throughout that time he has flirted with other women; he boasts that he's the "king of players" while saying he knows its totally wrong - he is TELLING you he knows its wrong as a sop to keep you sweet - he may SAY his behavior is wrong, but does he mean it? Does he hell! In other words, he does NOT mean it.
The great sex you have with him just isn't worth it. this man is completely unreliable.
If you were to marry him you would soon come to bitterly regret it. Don't even think for a moment about marrying this person!
Another big red flag is that he refuses to go to counseling - this shows he has no desire or intention of giving up his cheating.
You say you have completely lost trust in him - as well you should have. There is NO reason to trust him; none whatsoever. And, he's not going to change his ways.
You say that if you leave you miss him. Well, so what? You're obsessed with him. Of course you will miss him if you dump his sorry self - BUT you can console yourself with the knowledge that by getting rid of him, you'll have acted in your own best interests - in other words, taking care of yourself and your own happiness and well-being.
And, guess what? eventually, once you've ended it once and for all, you will find you'll look back on this part of your life, and discover you no longer miss him one tiny bit! It may take a while, but believe me, if you give him the boot and turn your attention to your studies, friends, family, and the things you enjoy and find interesting and worth while in your life, you WILL get over him.
Furthermore, you'll be free to meet a good, decent man who will be able to respect and love you. (And its obvious that HE doesn't respect you in the slightest!)
Do what you know is best for YOU - not this sorry excuse for a decent man!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Marriage won't change his cheating ways. He is a sex addict and constantly need outside attention to fulfill his ego. Already 7 months he is doing this. Sex now is good but it can't keep up after a year. You can have great orgasms but after a while sex will be like a chore because one woman is not enough for him. He also thrives on drama to fuel his passion. In a marriage you need the stability and security that does not offer him the excitement he craves. Don't think of a solution for him when he doesn't want any. However a solution for you is to realize that you can have a faithful man who can sexually satisfy you at the same time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 He sounds like a man who is very good at ensuring his sexual 'need's are met. He also sounds like a man who is happy to cheat to ensure that his sexual 'need's are met and a man who is ecstatic he's found a woman with whom he can have sex and not have to explain too much...
I would advise, based on all your information provided, that you drop him like a hot coal. I would further advise that you not allow him to contact you further and that you go on about your life, find a lovely man (not this idiot you describe here) and that you find a man who is awesome at sex AND who is NOT a player.
You may have to do some work and find a man who is NOT a player and who needs some instruction as to what makes you orgasm.....
Be a real woman and dump the loser.
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