A
female
age
36-40,
*yperbunny
writes:I have been with my boyfriend a year now...I am in love with him and feel so low when im not with him.. but I feel as though he is mentally torturing me.He doesnt liek me wearing make up and the other day he gave me an ultimatum between him and my makeup - he lately apolagised but this really hurt me.He's a vegetarian and if I ever eat meat he says I make him feel sick... or if I drink diet coke.. he says im an idiot because of the aspertame in diet drinks.I split up with him a week ago and he called an dtext me loads tellin me he loved and missed me and wanted to meet up. when i gave in and said to him i miss him too.. he called me and said he is depressed and that I deserve better than him...I do feel totally destraught now because I do love him and dont understand why he has done this to me, if he was beggin me last week to see him??hes also really selfish in bed.what do you think of this? is there any hope for the future? could his fluctuating behaviour be down to depresssion??:(
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Mr Bitter-n-Twisted is trying to hurt you. Which really demonstrates the calibre of this guy. Leave him with his ex. She is his standard.
I do understand that you still have some feelings for this guy. But his behavior towards you demonstrates that he has ZERO respect for you.
He does not deserve you in his life.
You, on the other hand really do deserve better. Re-invent yourself. You do not want to appeal to another guy just like him. Check out pictures of girls who you think present a classy persona.
Your aim is to ensure you never appeal to this loser guy or one like him, ever again.
Once you find a really lovely respectful
cute guy you will never look back. Then you will realise how much you have been missing by staying with your ( i hope) ex
Good luck with this
A
female
reader, hyperbunny +, writes (27 April 2011):
hyperbunny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK....
so Im sorry to say I got sucked in and went back to him. What a fool.
I decided about a month ago that enough was enough and stopped contacting him, he didnt contact me either.
He has an open page on facebook and 2 weeks after I stopped contacting him because of the way he treated me he started writing things on his facebook sexually about other women and has now resorted to going back to a dirty flee riddden slut who he was seeing briefly before he met me who he called a tramp.
He knows that I can see his facebook and I was wondering if you think he has intentionally written all these things on there to hurt me?
I left him because I had to...he smoked constant weed and manipulated me, but I did love him and for him to write those things has hurt me deeply - i feel crushed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Good for you!
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Good for you hun. Sounds like an awesome plan =)
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A
female
reader, hyperbunny +, writes (2 March 2011):
hyperbunny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, thank you sooo much!
I think I will leave him to his tofu and book a holiday to ibiza for the summer.
I look forward to his texts beggin me back.. and beg he van. To no avail ... I've seen the light :)
xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (2 March 2011):
 As painful as it is, I think you need to walk away from this guy, who will only cause you more pain the longer you stay with him.
He is controlling and manipulative, but I think really you already know that. He's a bully and sadly he will only get worse. You may be able to knock sense into him from time to time but I assure you any improvements in behaviour will be temporary. It's very sad when someone we love turns nasty or a relationship becomes destructive. But the best thing we can do, for both parties, is walk away. (Also-who wants to be stuck with a guy who's selfish in bed for too long!)
As for depression-this is possible. But unfortunately, you can't save him, or change him even if it is. He has to do that. Maybe one day he'll get help, be a changed man, but how long you gonna take that chance for? As hard as it is you can be kind, supportive, suggest help but gently say you can't be with him while he's like this, as much as you care.
But enough about him, and his needs, and his feelings, what about you?! How do you feel? Don't you want someone who respects/loves you for who you are? Do you want to have your confidence destroyed by the guy you love? Do you want your life to revolve around his moodswings?
It's time you took care of yourself, instead of him!
Because in all honesty you deserve much better.
Hope things look up.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 March 2011):
he is way too judgmental and rigidly imposing his views on others. So he's vegetarian and you are not. Tell him to get over it, and not pass judge. It is ignorant and rude for him to pass judgment on what you are eating or drinking. Check if he wears leather shoes - it's amazing how many vegetarians do. And now he wants you to not wearmakeup? That could be for several reasons? Which one is he using? The chemicals in it? At the very least you still need skin care. Or he thinks you wear too much makeup? Sometimes that's a valid point - some girls choose styles of makeup that are too heavy, and do not suit them, yet continue using that style for years. So visit (without any make up on at the time) a department store make up area. Ask if you can have a complimentary makeup - ask questions about what was done. Compare how you look to how you do your makeup. Because often we keep on using the same old style, never re-inventing ourselves - and don't realise that our chosen makeup style can be improved or needs updating. But wear no makeup at all - no way. And Mr Selfish himself is selfish in bed? Hmmm? That may never change. He's already trying to control you in other ways. His attitudes are judgmental. His consideration and empathy in other areas is non existent. And faced with losing you he's pulled the rabit out of the hat, telling you he's depressed to try to elicit sympathy from you?No, something is wrong here. Under pressure and the elapse of him i think all his controlling judgemental selfish ways will only get worse.Would I ditch him, if i were you?Yes I would.I think he has the potential to go on to be abusive. Do not listen to any of his remarks designed to keep you in place and designed to control you on a tigher and tigher lead rope.Break free and smell the roses.And find yourself a guy who will love you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Sad_and_insecure123 +, writes (2 March 2011):
Hun i'm sorry to say it but that guy is playing major mind games with you.he's basically mentally abusing u. call his bluff and tell him that yes you do deserve better because at the end of it you are who u r and he shouldnt make u change for him. if he loves you he'll accept u 4 who u r. make up meat and diet coke and all. you r individual and if he doesnt like it that his problem.like i said call his bluff. tell him that u love him and to txt or call if he decides he wnts u. if he thinks ur not bothered he'll be back like a shot.what he wnts is for u to beg and plead with him so that he'll feel better. trust me i have a similar thing. huni u deserve to be happy. dnt let him make u feel bad. thats wot he wnts to make it out as u groveling to him. dnt let him win let him grovel to u. tell him u love and miss him and will always be there for him wen he wnts u. jst do wot makes u happy.also tell him wot u wnt in bed and dnt give him wot he wnts if he wont do the same.good luck let me no how u get on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I read a similar post a while ago about a girl who's boyfriend gave her an ultimatum about him or her make up. My advice to her? Dump him.
If he can't accept you for who you are now it's unlikely he ever will. He sounds very immature and a little spiteful. Someone who loved you wouldn't treat you like that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 March 2011):
 He *has* to accept you for you. If he's unable to do so, you're not the one for him. You should be allowed to freely eat steak and chicken and wear makeup if you feel like it without so much as an eyeroll from him.
As far as his selfishness in bed, I'm guessing that wasn't what he was when you two first started having sex. That boils down to him being selfish, taking you for granted, and YOU not speaking up forcefully about what you want in bed.
I don't think he's mentally torturing you. I think he's trying to control you a bit with his criticism and disapproval.
You should find another meat eating, makeup appreciating man who's an expert with his mouth and hands and lights up whenever he sends you into ecstacy. Leave the other guy to have his tofu and his vaseline in peace.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 March 2011):
Hey there.
I think you need to sit him down and give him an ultimatum. You or no you. Make up? Really? I couldn't live without mine and why should you? I think that is ridiculous. Sit him down and tell him how you feel about everything. And if he doesn't change. Leave!
Hope this helps
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