A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was cheated on by my ex and now she's with a guy who used to be a good friend of mine. I know it's a cliche. Anyway, I found out she was doing all this behind my back after about 5 months last year in Dec, which means she started this in Sept. Now it's been 4 months since the aftermath and I was finally learning to accept it... but just yesterday afternoon I get a call from a number and I pick up but the caller hangs up immediately. After 2 times of the same thing, I ask a friend for caller id and she tells me it's my ex's new number. What the hell does this mean!? Why is she doing this to me?! I loved her so so much and she took off with another guy! We were so perfect for each other. sigh. I still can't believe she's with him now. My other friend tells me that those 2 are very happy now and blah blah... and am I the only one suffering?! I haven't done anything wrong and why the heck do I have to suffer!? Those wrong doers don't get any pain at all!? She cheated on me and he despite knowing the fact that I was with her starter wooing her and finally changed her mind to go with him... ugh. Why am i being treated like a trash bag?! :( I forgot that she had 2 accounts on FB, one of which I had blocked. She was tagged in a pic from the other account and I happened to see that pic. I felt really really weird... Like some uneasy feeling inside my head and stomach... I can't think straight. She was such an amazing girl and I worked so hard for our relationship for 3 years and this guy barges in and takes her away in 3 months and that too through an online relationship! Is this right?! I definitely don't think it is! Please please help me get out of this mess! I'm really tired of dealing with this and i don;t know how to anymore! I don;t even if I'll have a girl like her ever again cuz i just can't seem to accept the fact that she's gone. sigh. Please help me
View related questions:
cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the help. I don't know why I was blinded but I accept my reality and I am moving on because of another girl at my college. I have a few questions to ask (not about this topic anymore!) which I'll post soon. So please do take a look and help me if you can because it's very important to me and I feel I've begun to mature rather than brood over what has happened. You guys really helped me a lot! Thansk again. Sorry for the delay in my reply I was a little busy with studies :)
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 This is such a difficult situation to be in. But I still say, its best you found all this out now, than maybe a few years down the line, when the damage would have been much,much more.
Its very easy to say that you have to get over it, but you dont really have an option honey. Remove her from your facebook account first, so that no post/update shows up. You dont have to be civil to such people. If she's shallow enough to give you up so easily, she was never meant for you in the first place. Do you really want to be with someone like this?
OP, we spend all our time and energy thinking about our ex's, their lives, why they're happy and we'r not. But do you honestly know what's going on in their lives? Do you think a few "happy" pictures and hunky-dory status updates and advertising in front of friends that everything is fine, is actually true?? Most of the time its just a facade to show other people.
In any case, STOP thinking about her and beating yourself up. Believe me when I say, time will heal everything. What happened with you was not right in any way and its nowhere your fault, but maybe in the long run, you will realize that whatever happened was for the best. If you keep moping over this woman who doesnt even deserve it, you will lose out on the perfect someone whom you actually deserve. Love and heartbreak are a part of life OP.
Someone once said, "All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us."
Never give up hope. Life has many, many good things to offer. Take care. It will all work out fine.
Love...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): You've been grossly let down by 2 people, one a so called friend, its not an easy thing to get over, it takes time.
It took me 2 years to sort out my head and I had children to care for too so had to shelve my emotions.
The way I see it now is that he wasn't happy with us so moved on, it was a cowardly thing to do, line someone up before he went - it had been going on a year and I was clueless.But thats life.
Distance yourself from them both online and off, they are history, they don't deserve your time. She didn't deserve you. Get busy and focus on you and your life, plan things for the future so you always have something to look forward to. Don't look back except maybe to remind yourself you had a lucky escape.One day some lucky girl will find you - you may even already know her !
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 It is so hard to get over these situations. You think you know a person, inside out and backwards. You trust them utterly. It seems perfect.
But something somewhere is not as it seems.
If she had the true inner strength to truly mean all that she assured she was - faithful and true, always, then she would have resisted his attention.
And she would never allowed herself to be unfaithful to you, end the relationship with you, and go with this other guy.
Something but not right. And instead of working it through with you she agreed to be with this other guy.
If she ever wanted to return, to be with you instead, could you really trust her in the future?
No! Because there would always be that niggling doubt in your mind.
This girl has done you a GREAT favor. Imagine if you had married her, and later found that two out three of your children with her were not fathered by you?
In these cases the most important thing for you to do is work on your self esteem. Rebuild the man you are.
Look at your strengths, nurture them. Look at the opportunities you have to learn and develop and grow as a man.
Look at what threats may exist - such as doubting yourself, when you shpuld believe in yourself.
Look at weaknesses that you can address within you. If you often sink into melancholic moods think about what is positive instead, because sinking into melancholic moods about what 'might have been' will just slow you down, and stop you going forward.
When you feel stronger and more appreciative of all the good qualities you have to offer, you will be more aware of the value and good within you.
Also think about all the character qualities you need in the lovely lady who will be your next girlfriend. You need more than looks in this girlfriend. You need things like integrity, kindness, strength. Think what other character qualities you need in a woman you can love.
Then you are ready to develop a good relationship with a good positive nice girl who appreciates you, value you, and able to be faithful to you.
It is very hard to let go of a person who we loved. It is very hard to come to terms with being betrayed by someone we loved.
But you cannot love your next love until you let go of your ex. Your ex made the decision to be your ex.
Now it is time to embrace your new life and go forward, without your ex beside you.
And your so called friend who took your ex is no friend of yours. If he's a 'friend' then you need a better class of 'friend'.
Also next time try to ignore on-line relationships. Instead build a relationship with a girl who works nearby or lives nearby. Has your same education level. Is in a job where she earns about the same as you, per year. A girl who shares your values, attitudes and who is a kind considerate girl.
There are millions of lovely good women in the world. There are multiple girls who would be exactly perfect for you. Go forth and find one of those girls and enjoy her company.
Best wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (17 April 2011):
Here's how you get out of the mess :
1] Accept that bad things happen to good people - there is no value or benefit whatever in examining it all minutely and hoping to make sense of it. IT HAPPENED - like being run over by a bus whose driver had a heart attack - NOTHING YOU CAN DO !!!! [ And anyway it's not as bad as being run over by a bus \ cancer diagnosis \ etc you get my drift ]
2] Under NO CIRCS WHATEVER ACCEPT THIS GIRL BACK -if that is what her silly little silent 'phone calls to your cell are starting to be about. If she gets you back you'll be her servant and slave for ever - never an equal partnership bf. Plus she'll do it again [ leave u ].
3] NOW MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE : put it down to life experience; watch a few suitable films like Woody Allen or re runs of 6 Feet Under and have some laughs. Take up a new hobby - go mountain biking - ANYTHING TO KEEP YOUR MIND OCCUPIED.......................DON'T LET YOUR BRAIN WANDER IN HER DIRECTION.
4] Don't go desperately looking for gfs on the rebound - casual hook-ups wd be better therapy , provided you are honest about what you're doing. If none available you can always jerk off [ but not thinking about your ex - she's EX EX EX - forget her and move on !
...............................
|
