A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i, are ready for sex, he's 21 and im 20, but the problem is... he loses his erection when he reaches for the condoms. i still play with him but that doesn't keep him hard enough to place the condom on. he blames exam stress for it, im starting to think he doesn't find me attractive anymore. he's only ever hard when i give him oral, with me sitting on his side so he can't see my face and he can hold that erection for ages also it remains hard when were cuddling in the spooning position. we booked hotel rooms too as well as massage sessions but to no avail. could be medical or he's simply gone off me. any thoughts?
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (24 April 2011):
He's probably closet [ to himself even ] gay. You need to get him to deal with it honestly so that you can both move on
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 April 2011):
 Yeah, he's actually way attracted to you. It's most likely either performance anxiety or he's psyched himself out about the condom. But I'm betting it's the performance aspect. All of the advice given is spot on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): I don't think it's him going off you!! It feels like it.. but if it's your first time then it'll just be him nervy about it! It's normal to get anxious, which will put up a mental block for him, so even though he's very keen, he will still go soft. You need to show him you support him and help him through this, otherwise nothing will change. When he starts to feel like he's not going to do badly or get judged etc then he will feel more relaxed... Just give it time. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): it has nothing to do with being attracted to you or not. it is about being distracted at a very critical moment. ask your bf to get the condom ready for use by tearing the cover off and keping it handy so it can be found easly in the heat of the moment and he should make sure the he puts it on the right side up because many times in the dark one struggles to pull it on while it is the wrong way up and that makes you lose concentration.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 April 2011):
 ps while performing fellatio remind him how much you have been 'reading up' on fellatio so that he understands that your learning more about this has come from reading up on it, and now you need a 'practical'
Afterwards ask him how you did.
Ask him what you could change to improve or make it better for him, ask him if he'll show you.
Guys love feeling they are in charge and love playing the role of teacher, let him enjoy the feeling thay he is.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 April 2011):
it is not about your attractiveness.
It's him being distracted and getting performance anxiety.
Tell him to relax and sit back and make him the star.
Change your tactics in bed. Start perdorming fellatio, keep it l
Slow and sensual, vary from kissing, stroking, licking, You keep the condoms nearest to you, ready, reach out, put the condom in your mouth, then using a combination of your lips, your tongue, maybe even a caressing finger tip, put the condom on him, roll it slowly over and down over his penis, stroke him, give him Mmm sounds, encouraging words and lovingly reposition so he can enter you, sensually, during fellatio
And when done, you remove the used condom, keep telling him how good he looks, feels, and how good it is for you.
Don't lessen the encouraging.
Allow him to star, he'll love you for it. And when it's over tell him you want to thank his penis, for making you feel so good. Return to give him the lightest most gentle series of tiny kisses and the softest barely touching licks you can manage on his penis. Not as a request for sex, but only as a very gentle thank you.
Be verbal and then tell him how good he made you feel, even though you did so much of the work,
Then let him hold you and cuddle you, with good luck he may want to experience it all over again with a repeat performance from you.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): Believe it or not, this is not uncommon, and is related to anxiety about the sex act. Once it happens, the more likely it is to happen the next time.
Sometimes, the more powerful the attraction and the more seriously the person thinks about the other person, and the more respectful the relationship, the more likely it is to happen.
So, first off, take the pressure off, and relax, and talk, and talk, and talk, and touch, and take lots of time without direct stimulation and you will get there.
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