A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly 4 months, but have known each other for years before that. I love her and she says she loves me, and everything was sooo perfect at first. But now it seems like all I do is piss her off. Over stupid ****. All she does is complain now. I eentually fix what she nags about too, there's always something new though. I tell her about it and she says because "if she wouldn't do this, our relationship wouldn't progress" I understand that part it makes sense. But it's constant, and it's not like she's perfect either, and I don't see her progressing and changing for me!! Sure it's to "help our relationship", but it can also hurting because it stresses me the fuck out, always tryin to keep her happy. And I'm an introvert, with like multiple personalities, so when my quiet anti-social side is out she says I'm boring and blah blah blah. But I love her and I know she loves me too, I just wanna get over this fighting bullshit and just have her be content. Besides, I keep doing shit for her because I don't want to lose her, but she's never fucking happy!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Not change as is change me as a person, but like she wants me to do more "cute" things. I tell her, I do stand up for myself blah blah blah. Imma gonna have another talk with her. Cus I think she does care, she cried for me.... But I'll have another talk and say if you truly do love me you'll stop blah blah. Ive told her already that, there's a bunch of other guys that might fit her mold or whatever but she says she wants me... I believe her but idk. Cus I'm willing to fight for her, and if this relationship does end, then it will be on her part not mine cus I'm not willing to do it myself
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 I was in a similar situation. The first girl i ever truly let myself LOVE. We were together for 2 years. She claimed she knew she was going to marry me, and i believed her. I was fully prepared to marry her at the first opportunity.However, she was always a bit controlling. Always trying to change me. Constantly putting me down, telling me i wasn't "fun enough". Telling me i had to do THIS more, and i had to do THAT more.. And oh BOY was she homophobic... One night she forgot her purse on the floor at a club, so I picked it up for her and gave it back to her. She FREAKED out on me seeing me with a purse, claiming "only gay people touch a purse". I was flabbergasted and frustrated, but love is blind and i tried to take all her issues as constructive criticism to make myself a better fit for her. Her happiness, to me, was paramount. The killer came when she and a couple of friends were booking a camping trip. She told me she was "willing to invite me to come, but i had to be more FUN, otherwise i couldn't"..Stupid me should have pushed back at this point, but i didn't. I was in love with this girl. We were gonna get married! Well, 2 weeks later she dumped me, and i was destroyed.I really wish i could go back in time and teach myself what i know now about relationships and the importance of YOUR OWN happiness.Sit down and talk to her about it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 April 2011):
 4 months? Take a hike buddy, if she's like this already, think what she'll be like in 4 years!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): put your foot down and make her see how you feel. Also just dont take it any more. She is walking over you and does not respect your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Lorelai  +, writes (18 April 2011):
She sounds like she's walking all over you, she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.
You have the right to know where you stand with somebody, if you have the strength I suggest you leave her. The shock alone will force her to seriously consider what she wants, either she'll accept that you've left her and you can both go your separate ways or she'll realise she may have just lost something so special and beg for you to be with her.
Of course if she does the second, please don't give in too quickly, you need to really decide whether she's the girl you want to be with. Plus everybody tests boundaries, all the time, nobody is innocent of it, so you need to show her what you will take and what you won't.
If she see's that you're a strong guy and you don't 'need' her, she'll work harder to make YOU happy. If you tend to her every need and let her walk all over you, guess what, she's is going to walk all over you and (for some strange reason) resent you for being such a pushover!
I hope it all goes well for you :)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Leave her if shes unhappy with you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 April 2011):
 When a person loves, accepts and enjoys your company and has a non-judgemental stance (and a sense of humor) she will not need to 'change' you.
It seems all the appeasing in this relationship is coming from you.
Do you think I like picking up soggy towels from the bathroom floor? No.
Do I put up with hardly getting a word in edgeways (He will tell you the boot is on the other foot!) Yes, because he is adoreable anyway.
Do I occasionally have to "frog march" him to the Doctor? Almost!
Honestly a loving relationship is a bit of give and take. And loving someone is not about constantly carping and criticizing.
BUT.... if she is getting so impatient to mould you into her idea of an ideal man, then Yes, she will never be satisfied.
Being constantly critical is not loving. It is a half a step on the way to becoming a nagging wife and that is another two steps away from becoming abusive in the way one party relates to the other party.
No matter how much you love her and she loves you, stand up for yourself. Put your foot down, or your feet up, as the case may be. We keep one room with a big tv where dogs are allowed, feet up are allowed. I even turn a blind eye to it getting messy occasionally because people have to live in their homes. Each room does not have to be worthy of a Martha Stewart Centre Spread in "Living". If you can't relax and enjoy life and live in your own home, without getting criticized at every turn, then where can you be yourself and relax
When you do stand up to her, watch her reaction very very carefully. If it is not enough to show her that she is stressing you. And if it not enough for her to stop then you need to sit down and talk. Her criticizing will only get worse if you do not take a stand.
If she is prepared to compromise and address her behavior then you relationship has a chance.
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