A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are Jewish. A very good friend of ours is getting married - and having a traditional Catholic with a full mass and communion. The problem is that we are not comfortable being in a Catholic church / mass. There is nothing in our faith that prohibits us from attending - but it is very "uncomfortable" for us. (Please forgive me if I offend.)How would you all handle this? Go to the ceremony and sit in the back without participating? Just go to the reception with our apologies (and a nice gift!)?Thanks! -Shira
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 April 2011):
 well done that you chose to attend.
I noticed that at the wedding in London of Prince William and Catherine Middleton that Rabbi Bayfield has accepted an invitation to attend the wedding in London and will be sitting with other Heads of various religious groups inside Westminster Abbey
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (16 April 2011):
I was raised into a Catholic tradition but I left the faith when I was 10 years old or so. When I attend to a catholic mass (only because of a marriage) I don't sit at all, I don't follow the steps of the mass. I stay at the side as I'm not catholic. I don't feel uncomfortable at all, and I have attended to Christian and Jewish marriages too. And I did the same, more or less. Let alone the kippah I wear in the synagogue.So you don't have to be uncomfortable, you just attend to the marriage and you don't participate in the cult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Thank you for all the responses. I did a poor job clarifying why we feel uncomfortable; which is we are not comfortable being inside of the Church. For anyone who is curious, we are affiliated with a Conservative congregation (Not quite Orthodox...but still pretty "strict"). It would, however, be a terrible shame to miss such a joyous occasion, and hurtful to our friend. We are planning on going and sitting in the back! I think all parties involved will understand :)Thank you again
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2011):
hi,
No one would take any notice if you sat in the Church and just participated in the joy of the couple marrying.
Often people within different versions of the same religion can feel uncomfortable attending, but usually put that aside to honor the couple who have invited them.
Being invited to attend a wedding of a couple from an entirely different religion is just as much an opportunity to honor the couple who have invited guests.
Clearly when a couple invite particular guests the bridal couple have no qualms and no prejudices about those particular guests attending their wedding.
I have been honored to be invited to weddings that are other than my faith or a different version of my faith.
And have checked that i understand any customs i should observe or expect, before i arrive, when i know there is a potential religious or ethnic difference likely to result in different customs at the wedding that i need to understand and respect.
It is the couple marrying, wanting to share their joy with others, that represent the two key people in all this.
Even within the same religion there can be ethnic differences, in how the ceremony and reception are arranged.
Once couples used to agonise if the bride was a different religion to the groom. But love conquers all, and i think most people think the relationship, if strong enough, and the two people involved, if not prejudiced, can negotiate those differences.
But I had never imagined that people invited to a family celebration, such as a wedding, would shrink from attending and sharing the joy of a couple marrying, over a difference in their religions versus the couple's religion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): I have many non catholic friends who attended ceremonies in my church, such as funnerals and weddings.
They didn't participate, nor were they expected to because it was not their religion and I understood that, but i always appreciated the fact that they attended.
So there is no reason to feel uncomfortable because you are attending the wedding for your friend and thats the most important thing, your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): I have a different faith as well. I would let your ethics come into play here vs what your religion may state, since marriage is about union and well, heart. Thats me tho. I wont judge you if you think otherwise. If you feel you are ethically inclined to just be an ink line on a guest book that stayed there for 15 minutes, go for it. If not, just send a card saying that something personal came up and you were unable to attend, but still are still wishing them the best in their journey together. Best on this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Sorry I just want add, for non ceremonial moments such as when the bride is walking up the aisle or when the couple are leaving the church then it's okay to join them if you like that's more a sign of respect to them and not the ceremony itself. Some people do some people don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): It's only mass don't worry about it. I live in a Catholic country and I've gone to weddings and funerals etc in mass. I stay seated the whole way through. Nobody cares if you don't participate. It's not considered an insult or anything like that. Even priests don't mind.
You see in the Catholic faith just the same as the Jewish faith one of the most important things is that your friends and family regardless of their own faith are there to share that occasion with you. To share your joy and expression of love. It's not a sin to be there for them in fact it's encouraged. There's a lot of standing up, sitting down, kneeling etc in a Catholic mass. Just make sure you don't do any of that just stay seated in quiet respect, really don't. The whole way through, try not to talk too much, turn off your mobile phones so you're not texting or anything like that.
If you're worried about what people will think of two Jewish people being at a Catholic ceremony then just remember what faith the guy they're worshiping was. You're not going to be the only Jews at that ceremony. The only bad side about Catholic mass is the length of time it takes. It can be quite long, then again if this is your first time you may find it interesting to see what happens.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Well, the truth is that according to Orthodox Judaism, there is a problem with being inside a church.
But if you are not Orthodox and that is not the main issue, then I would say that yes, you can just be a spectator and not participate.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 In 1986 Pope John Paul II visited the Synagogue in Rome ,warmly received by Rabbi Elio Toaff, and performed a ( Catholic ) blessing of the Jewish Community in Rome.Rabbi Toaff, a personal friend of this Pope , to the point of being remembered in the Pope's will,attended the funeral in Vatican at John Paul's death in 2005.If Popes and Head Rabbis are so comfortable on each other's turf - I think you will be able to handle a wedding.Look for what unites- not for what divides.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Are you uncomfortable with the idea that you're going to stand out by not participating, or uncomfortable being in the presence of ceremony from a different religion?
If it's the former, you surely won't be the only ones not participating in communion. Unlike the Episcopal church, which allows any baptized Christian to participate in communion, the Catholic church only allows Catholics to take part. So every non-Catholic attending will be sitting out the Eucharist along with you.
Since they are close friends, you could ask them how traditional a parish it is. A more modern, moderate priest is likely to work hard to make everyone feel as welcome as possible.
If it's the fact of the religion itself, then by all means follow your conscience and attend only the reception. Good friends would not want you to do something in conflict with your beliefs.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 April 2011):
 In nearly all weddings, it is expected that not everybody attending comes from the same faith. I am positive you will be welcome to attend and share in their happy day of love and marriage without having to participate in anything you're uncomfortable with. Your presence is the important part, not whether or not you take communion or anything. Any religious part of the ceremony is for them to partake in, not you.
I would absolutely attend and sit in the back without participating. You will not be forced to do anything you don't want to. You are there for a wedding, not a conversion and I'm positive the priest will be sensitive to that for people of all backgrounds, so no worries! You will not be the only ones who aren't Catholic, I'm sure of it. Good luck and enjoy!
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