A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been with boyfriend for 10 years, have always been there for him in every way. I take care of myself financially, stay fit, work out four days a week, dress sexy, do what I can to keep things exciting. The other night he brought up me having a labiaplasty? and even mentioned butt implants?He's 50 I'm 47, he's say i'm still tight but would like the labia reduced??? my bottom is in great condition for my age, proportioned, toned ...Is this normal for him to suggest these things? Feeling very insecure.....Thanks in advance....
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again! and to the last poster, good luck to you also! appreciate your advice:]
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): It's good that he says you are still tight. My partner told me that I am not as tight as his previous partner but tighter than his wife was. I don't know what it is with men. I am 51 and like yourself take care of myself both financially and healthwise, dress sexy and work out to stay toned and fit. It hurts me that men can't appreciate us for what we do have.
Good luck. Try to forget what he has said to you because if you don't you will end up like me, brooding over it and taking it with you into the next relationship. Don't mention what he said to you to any other man you are with because you will only be drawing attention to something that another man does not even notice. You are lovely exactly the way you are and so am I.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again, replies have helped me alot...btw he's always going through some kind of mid life crisis! I decided to take a break from him....Thank you!
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 April 2011):
 he's either having a mid-life crisis or he's been sneaking a look at far tooo much pornography, when you thought he was just diligently researching his investment portfolio.
Absolutely you should not even consider any such unneccesary surgery whatsoever. Never! Ridiculous on his part to even suggest it. You are in good shape, he should be praising the heavens tht he's been blessed with your company.
I would be tempted to poke a little fun at this man's skewed perspective. Tell him you've heard about some innovative plastic surgery for men. it'll hurt, and he'll be unable to get an erection ever again, nor wear normal western male clothing, but just think how proud he'll be to have a 36 inch extension to his penis! Tell him if he mortgages his home and sells his car he should be able to afford it. Easy!
Otherwise just tell him to get a grip. Common sense is in short supply for this guy at the moment
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Tell him he's just jealous because your labia is bigger than his penis. I personally love women with large labias. It gives me more to lick! :)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I'm going to take that cast iron frying pan back, there's a guy on another thread that needs it upside his head.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Wait, you need to know more, from a guys perspective.I'm nearly his age.I can not understand him... I think he is nuts....I guess that wasn't helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for the replies....so appreciated....i'm even
laughing w some answers!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Oh I so agree with Eyeswideopen! Cast iron skillet!
Tell him you want him to consider cock implants, or maybe some silicone fake balls, because his are beginning to sag...
No, just kidding. Well, maybe not. He sounds like a asshat.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 No its not normal. If you love someone, you love them unconditionally. As you grow old, your body will age too...and if he doesn't understand that, then he's very immature. Its disrespectful, in the very least. Now he wants your labia reduced and butt implants, whats he going to ask for next?
Its not a very healthy relationship when there are these pressures on body image. I always thought that as you grow older with someone, you grow to accept and love every little imperfection about them. Dont feel insecure about yourself and never let anyone bring you down. Its his problem if he doesn't like certain things, NOT yours
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 April 2011):
It's for guys like this that caste iron frying pans were invented.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 NOT Normalnot kindnot needed.kick him to the curb. well... maybe.I am looking at reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin after a loss of nearly 150 pounds. BUT it's MY choice and it's for health reasons both physical and mental. He's suggesting unnecessary surgery to make him feel better.Personally I'd tell him to go find this year's model and enjoy her and find a man who is not so shallow....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Hes expressing an opinion that he feels you need work in those areas. Thats all very well but what happens when he feels you need a face lift, boob job ect. Where will it end?
A close relative was always told by her husband that her boobs were too small and he couldnt fancy her because she looked like a boy! How harsh of him. After years of being made to feel bad about her breasts, she agreed to a boob job if he paid for it. He agreed, she had the op. But afterwards try as she might, she couldnt bare him to look at or touch them because of the way he had treated her prior to the op. Her figure had changed but the damage he had done her emotionally couldnt be reversed. So it didnt really help 'improve' things for him at all. So your partner should be careful what he wishes for.
Unless you have a very large problem in that area and its a health matter, why bother having them reduced. Your boyfriend should be grateful he has a fantastic partner rather than worry about guilding the lily so to speak. As for butt implants, what are they all about anyway? Who cares what a butt looks like, its for sitting on. If its doing the job ok then leave well alone. I think your boyfriend needs to work on his issues and not relect them onto others.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much...appreciate the answers...I was feeling so low.... I use to model/bathing suits and all when younger. But I am 47 now and realistic about things. There is no such thing as perfect. He worksout and is in ok shape, and his face could use work. But I could never suggest such things, I have told him in the past I love his body and him as is. He has made comments over the years about my body. I have curves do not want to look like an exaggerated plastic cartoon.....I think he does have an ass fetish sometimes and i don't appreciate my labia being compared to others. Never had complaints before him. This could be a deal breaker for me i'm tired of never being good enough. But the funny thing is the women he finds attractive usually r very matronly so I don't get it....Thanks!!!
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reader, Aliceinunderland  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Ask him to get a penis enlargement and ask him how he feels. How insensitive. Don't cook him dinner!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Depends on how he brought it up. You don't want to punish him just for expressing himself, but at the same time if he's going to be suggesting surgery, he needs to be doing so with the utmost respect. Frankly, it's hard to be respectful when suggesting butt implants.
If he already expresses appreciation for the efforts you take, if the way he brought it up fit with the flow of the conversation, if it was done in a respectful way, if it was an expression of a "want" rather than a "need," and if he was willing to accept your refusal, I'd call it alright. He's not a monster for having that desire. But if the way he expressed it didn't meet all those conditions, that crosses the line from expressing a feeling to treating you badly. In that case, you would be fully justified in giving him a very firm "No," and explaining at length how he made you feel.
If he was just doing a poor job of expressing himself, that ought to straighten him out. If it doesn't, there may be a bigger issue at play which you would need to act on.
In any event, going under the knife is in a different league from, say, getting a haircut he likes. Treat it as such.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 It is insensitive and selfish to say the least. He is looking for a perfect woman, in the physical sense and little more than that. Could he by any chance, be going through a mid-life crisis? One that takes form in a possible desire to be seen with the most physically attractive wife and perhaps instill a certain amount of jealousy in others to raise his own pride. Just a theory as to why he would suggest these things, but it is your choice to say no and if he persists, you talk to him about it and tell him it is hurting you.
You yourself have nothing to worry about in your appearance, you sound like you take good care of yourself and I'm sure, were it another time, he would see that. I would worry about how he looks at other women though, just a thought. He seeks physical perfection and he might turn to others so be cautious. I cannot be sure but if he is acting like this so randomly, you should be wary about where his attention is directed.
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): That's awful. Ask him if he would like to have silicone implants under his skin, to sit on 24/7 and maybe that will shut him up. As for the labiaplasty, what an atrocious thing to suggest to someone you've been with for 10 years. I'm sorry. Best of luck.
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Ya, tell him you'll get one when he gets a penis transplant.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): His suggestions just sound strange to me, as if he's gotten fixated on these body parts recently for some reason. I doubt that it has much to do with you.
At the risk of igniting yet another porn debate, is there any chance he's started watching a particular porn actress a lot lately, and he wants you to look like her?
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (21 April 2011):
 No. It's not normal, in fact I think you should be running. Life is too short to waste on guys who don't appreciate your body.
Tell him he needs to take his suggestions and stuff it, and if he doesn't love what you got, then you'll find someone who will.
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