A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. So this is my first post, and I was with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years. About two months ago, I stopped taking my medications (I have bipolar disorder), for reasons I wish I knew the answer to. Now that I reflect upon it, life at school got stressful (I have a CA-type position), and I ended up not taking them. Around late February, we took a break and agreed not to see other people (since I was having an episode), but being in my manic state, decided to break that agreement and see someone else on the side. Unfortunately, it resulting in the ending of our relationship around the middle of March, and my mania was growing stronger, and affecting me in the classroom (I am a student teacher). Fast forward to now. It took some ugly facebook bullying on the other girls part for me to recognize my manic symptoms and a phone call by my ex to remove that girls post (I didnt post anything, but others did). I removed the comments, began a strict medication regiment, and cut off all communication with the other girl this past Saturday. My ex and I have been talking frequently the past few days, and then it cooled off on Wednesday. I plan on cooling it a bit, since she says she needs "time." When I asked her about the possibility of having a relationship that is open, honest, and genuine, and where I will always take my medications and go for therapy/DBSA sessions, she said "I dont know. Maybe." She also said that "she does not know if she wants to be with me though."Does anyone think that its possible that we could be back together, and if so, what should we do to ensure that it will go back to a state of not only normalcy, but a stronger, better relationship? If not, what can I do to move on from this, and learn from it? I really do care and love this girl very much, and I would not use my manic behavior as an excuse, but instead altering my perceptions in life and inability to make sound decisions. I do not want to lose her, and I think giving her a few days (Today is Saturday), so I figure Tuesday would be sufficient, since we have not talked since Wednesday. We have talked face to face one time since this all went down, and I showed all my texts to her, since at this point, I had nothing to hide or run away from. I have realized that infidelity is an ugly thing, and being manic is no excuse I know, since I essentially brought this upon myself, but I am changing in the following ways: -Going to therapy weekly, even if it means missing a day for my student teaching. Going at least every 3-4 weeks to my psychiatrist to check on my medications, and also get blood levels. -Go to DBSA Support groups twice a week. Quit drinking alcohol, and any activities related with it (gambling, in particular; this should also control the urge to become flirty and forward when drinking) Quit any recreational drug use Exercise and maintain a good diet Taking my medications regularly and as prescribed Following my religionI want to work on me, but more importantly, I want to strengthen this relationship that my ex and I had, and make it better than before. I will give it some time, like a week or so (maybe two), and see if she is willing to go out, even for like a half hour for coffee or something. Infidelity is ugly, and I vow never to go through something like this again ...She also says that my promises are empty, but with making these changes and sticking to them, I want to prove both myself and her wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I'm starting my workout program this weekend (student teaching ends this week), and I hit the driving range every day so that I can wind down and relax. The only thing that concerns me is the date she has set up in 2 weeks, so I suppose I am jealous a bit -- should I worry about that or is that something she is doing just to have fun and for herself, so I should just focus on myself in the meantime?
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 April 2011):
 yes, physical exercise, especially outside in the fresh air is very good. if the weather is not good enough for that at least try to join a circuit class (as you will be mixing with others, which is good social interaction with others). Also consider joining a 'Zumba' class for the same reason. Or get a 'zumba' dvd as then you get exercise mixed with a great positive vibe which is also good for making you feel great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are on target. I need to focus on myself and let myself get better, and not inflict any more wounds upon myself, since that is the last thing that I need to do. She does have a date set up in 2 weeks, but it must not be that important since it was planned for about a month now. I am not worried because we saw each other constantly for about a month before anything really materialized. In summation, I need to focus on myself getting better, and do the things that make ME happy. Is there anything else that I should be doing besides this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): you have certainly been on a roller coaster ride recently. Your illness is something that can be managed with regular therapy and regular medication. And you are living with it daily. I can also see that your resolve is very high. You want to deal with your illness and try to take charge. And that is admirable. All credit to you.
Perhaps behind the scenes your Girlfriend has been more stressed by your illness than you realised. She has done her best, often having to take on the role of carer when required, to keep you safe. This can be a very stressful period for family and carers as they try to do everthing possible to get you better.
And often they say nothing of their stress, as they know that at it's worst your illness is even more distressing for you than their stress.
But there comes a time when they are exhausted, and they need a break.
Try not to be impatient with your Girl friend. I think she needs a little longer than Tuesday to replenish her reserves. She may even need six weeks to think about things.
This next six weeks will be a wonderful opportunity for you to implement your wonderful recovery strategy.
Also keep a daily diary. Write up daily anything good that you did.
And also how you successfully overcome any obstacle on that day.
Take it one day at a time.
At the end of six weeks ask her out for a coffee and show her how well you have managed sticking to your plan.
And be nice to You every day. Forgive You. And don't be too hard on You.
Because the better you overcome each obstacle the more you will feel confidence returning.
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