A
male
age
36-40,
*amen Somasu
writes:What would you do if you were to find out the child your wife/spouse gave birth to you was not yours? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2011):
 do you love your wife?
can you look past the lies and infidelity and forgive her acts of betrayal?
if yes, consider that many adopted families are still families even without blood to tie them... emotions have a lot of power... consider working on it.
if NOT (and I understand if not)
then do what you must... if that means leaving her then do so.
Consult an attorney familar with the Lord Mansfield rule.
if you were legally married when she gave birth, you are possibly legally if not biologically the father.
A
male
reader, Mr. Smith +, writes (19 April 2011):
Oh my friend f the DNA says he is not yours... simple separate from her. This event gives you the legal grounds for a divorce due to adultery, thus meaning you get to keep your and her half of eveything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Get a lawyer. Divorce her. Tell everyone that will listen. And do not under any circumstances pay child support for a child that is not yours and scream bloody murder if some judge tries to make you do so.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2011):
 DNA no match, so that sounds like baby has already arrived.
Get legal advice immediately to remove your name from the Birth record re paternity.
Also get legal advice to ensure you can cease paying any child support. Don't stop paying child support until legally confirmed that you stop paying support.
If you are married to the woman then i would not blame you if you chose to instigate divorce proceedings forthwith.
If she has been dishonest with you then you owe her no explanation when you instigate steps to end the relationship
If you and the child have already formed an attachment this will be hard on the child.
But the child deserves a chance to know their true biological parent, who is not you, obviously.
the child, of course, is also being betrayed due to the mother's deceit.
You may want to consider some counselling since i would not blame you feeling very hurt over this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 April 2011):
I'd get legal advice and look to sue. Here in Britain, some fathers have been able to sue women who have made them pay for children that aren't theirs. And they're winning.
Oh - also entirely walk away as well.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 April 2011):
 I'm not sure if this is supposed to be hypothetical or not, but I'll answer as if you were asking what you ought to do.
If you signed the birth certificate, or if you were married to her at the time of birth (birth, not conception), there's pretty much nothing you can do to avoid paying child support for the next 18 or 20 years. Legally, you would be the "presumed father," and that won't change. Also, acting in a "fatherly role" for a length of time (how long depends on the state) can get you presumed fatherhood, as well. And presumed fatherhood does not go away even if you break up/divorce and she marries a new man - you're still on the hook.
So, first thing I'd do is leave. Pack up all my stuff from her place and take off, don't even bother to tell her she's offically dumped. Second thing would be to get in touch with a lawyer and take action to minimize child support, whether that means negating it entirely (if I hadn't signed the certificate) or just get it down to the lowest possible number. Be sure to pay it, or you'll get arrested.
Cuckoldry is the female equivalent of raping someone, with the exception that the state more-or-less supports it. Since you can't feasibly do anything to stop it or get compensation for it, best just to disconnect from the situation entirely and try to move on as best you can.
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A
male
reader, Jamen Somasu +, writes (16 April 2011):
Jamen Somasu is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to clarify, DNA testing has shown a 0% match.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2011):
It depends. Is there a reliable DNA test to say this is so?
Or is the child clearly ethnically unlike the birth mother or the alleged father?
Or is there a strong suspicion?
If it is just a strong suspicion then get a DNA test.
But if the middle option then ask the birth mother to show the alleged birth father enough respect, and be honest enough to discuss what other relationship she was involved in prior to finding out she was pregnant and get a DNA test.
But if the DNA says the child has not been fathered by the alleged father, and if the woman is in denial about the biological father then start discussing how hurt you are about her betrayal. Get legal advice so that you don't get used. A break up of the relationship may feature in the future. protect yourself from being used in the circumstances.
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