A
female
age
30-35,
*ietcoke.1
writes:Question for guys Its a pretty simple one but you see i am finding it hard to find a guy who wants me for me . Only want me for sex really im not nasty at all or ugly... Broad question for you all What do guys look for in a woman ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, happy140  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Utmost and foremost for me is someone who wants me to be happy. Someone who does things for me, not because I am lazy or she is submissive but because she wants to do things for me. Anywhere from making me a sandwich to making love. Second, she MUST enjoy sex, show it AND TALK ABOUT IT (what she needs) , not just put up with it. Third-understand that there is a difference between a woman and a man. The way we think, act, and respond are usually very different between men and women. I have heard so many times the “I know there’s a difference” and it is just words. She does not really understand that some of the things we do and say may need clarifying, just ask us why we did, or said that. One relationship killer, the man cave. My wife understands that I need to withdraw for a brief time to get my head together and she accepts that. Women that do not understand the difference between men and women or how we emotionally handle things will think, “He’s an ahole and doesn’t care for me yet the other will give him time. Fourth remember I have feelings and in the store in front of what I will perceive as a million people never tell me I can’t buy theses potato chips because we can’t afford them, I would NEVER do that to you (I hear something along those lines EVERY TIME I go shopping via some woman to her man). My point being, If you hurt them then apologize. I want in a woman someone who will verbally share her feelings and respect me for sharing or not sharing mine.Fifth-someone who wants to make me happy, that guaranties I will keep her happy.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2011):
 yes men might be looking for sex.
But if sex is all he is after, and offering, then he's a loser.
You don't need losers in your life.
A woman does herself far more favors if she works out what she needs first.
When you 'qualify' each guy to determine if he is suitable for you and whether he has all the quailities you need then you
do not waste time on losers. And you get a much nicer guy.
A good relationship does not start with sex.
Sure any relationsip can start with sex - but that tells you that the relationship may not be very long lasting. And such an impatient indiscriminate guy may also have trouble staying faithful to you - no matter how good the sex is initially.
Make your list of the qualities important to you. This is not a list of hair colour, height, car driven etc.
Instead it is a list of character points and qualities within the person. Who they are..
They have to be things important to you.
But i'll give you a couple of examples:
1. Respected by his peers (if people who know him well can't respect him, then why?)
2. Kind and respectful to others (if a man can't be kind and respectful to others then what hope is there for you?)
And once you make it clear to any guy that you like to get to know a man well, as a friend, before you are willing to take the relationship further THAT is when the shallow sex-seeking player loser guys will drop away immediately.
Then you will be left with a smaller pool of guy. Look for guys within the guys left for those with the qualities you are seeking.
What you will have left will be guys worth
considering and pursuing.
Often you will hear other girls cattily wondering how some girls end up with the nicest guys. The answer is that the smart girls domm't waste a minute on the loser guys who are only after sex
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): What do I look for in a woman?
SEX!
SEX!
and SEX!
and of course looks, she's gotta look good. Really, what is the point if there is no sex and the girl doesn't look good? Sorry but I am only being honest here.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Don't give it away too soon.
Sure the physical chemistry is often the indication you could start something. A man will think it's the end and be all and he won't think about the day after.
It's the women's responsibility to say "Stop right there, before we go any further"... Integrity will make a man look twice, why, because he looks at everything that way.
He looks for friends that are stand up guys, cars, toys, etc that will stand the test of time. Men do know how to shop even if they hate doing it. They like value, period.
Sometimes the guy will find feelings for you. But he'll find feelings for himself first.
If any man in your present starts to better himself, study, work out, talk about his future. It's a good indication that he want's to better himself for you. Why, because men are so easy and that's why I luv 'em. If you make a man feel good about himself (JUST BEING YOU) he's in and silly him doesn't even realize how deep in he is. In fact he'll deny it. Thus the problems with him saying I love you.
They don't, they expect you to know it because he's thinking, "eh, look at me now"
A man will smile to himself behind veils of cool. And he's thinking "She makes me feel so damned good, I'd love to see her naked" They're that simple.. women are too complicated to get this easy thinking in their heads.
Men are the Builders, Women are the Ideas
When I see a man do something like heavy lifting, or helping a bud build a fence on the weekend.
I have such a deep appreciation for them. That and when a man can keep his cool and still dig in like a marine now that's just awesome, makes me weak at the knees. They give me the strength to carry on. I watch Rambo when I can't figure things out and then I scream and punch a wall and say
"I can $%&^%ing do this" if I can't though a man could do it for me and I'd be well.. so thankful.
I'm not saying fill a man's ego and manipulate him.
NO... that'll get you, well, here typing "Why did he leave me?"
Just be yourself and if you click for him he'll feel it and than do the above. If he's not clicking or your not clicking than move along. He'll actually move along faster though because he'll want sex and than check you out.
They say men do the pursuing but they'll pursue like homo sapiens watching women bathe down by the river and then just attack. Thus so many women online asking "Why doesn't he call?" When the real question should have been "Why was I an idiot?"
Like the song says
Girl ya gotta love your man
Take him by the hand
Make him understand
The world on you depends
Our life will never end
Gotta love your man, yeah
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 April 2011):
 A better place to start would be to figure out what you have to offer beyond sex. I'm sure there's plenty, but if you're not advertising it, or if there are too many girls offering the same thing in your social circle, you may not be getting the full competitive advantage of your qualities.
Start with the basics, the old cliches. Can you cook? Do you have a good sense of humor? Do you act and dress modestly? Can you hold an intellgient conversation? A fun conversation? Are you a good listener? Are you low-maintenance?
Then consider more unique traits. Do you have any hobbies you can share? An interest in seeing new things, especially "guy stuff?" Are you fun to simply be around, even outside of high-energy environments like parties? Do you have any talents?
This is just a top-of-my-head start. Create your own list. Then ask yourself what you do to advertise these traits. If you can find a way to do so without seeming desperate, do it.
Also consider any counterproductive signals you may be sending out. Have the players you hang out with spread word about you? Do you dress like a girl looking for a boyfriend, or one looking for a fling? Do you meet guys in environments where your mind and your personality matter most (like clubs, classes, and small get-togethers), or where your body matters more (parties, bars)? Do you flirt really aggressively, or more subtly?
Lastly, consider the guys you're hitting on. Some *are* just looking for sex, including most of the ones who are attractive enough to have an easy time getting it. No matter what you do around these guys, they're just going to use you for sex. Don't be fooled by the going out - some of them just enjoy taking chicks out, but if they're players, by definition they aren't taking any one girl out for long. Look for relationship-minded guys, and target them.
Relationship-minded guys will still want sex, and they will leave if it's not on the table, but they will allow (even expect) you to wait a while with them. If in doubt, wait another date, at least. If you put out too early, or have a long history, even relationship-minded guys will assume you're a fling-type girl, then just have sex and leave. Consider the signals you're sending. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I'm not a guy but I went through the same thing at your age. I do agree with previous posters and believe men do think of sex when they first meet a woman. But I also believe that the type of guys you associate with and how you act around them can factor into who you are meeting. For now, just stay true to who you are and don't worry too much. You will find a man that likes you for who you are and not just your body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): It's the guys you like and how easy you are (I'm not implying you are). You hang out with players, you'll only meet players. If you give sex easily to guys then that's what you'll become known for and that's the kind of guy who will come sniffing around you.
OP most women think it's impossible to spot a player. It's not it's the easiest thing in the world, the women that think that are the ones that don't look for signs and prefer to believe what a guy says because they so badly want it to be true. They see a hot guy, with a nice smile, nice eyes, trim body and he says things that make them feel special so they'd rather get caught in the moment and play out their fantasy rather than test this guy out first. They just feel so good in that moment that they lose all sense and go against their instincts. If a guy has a rep for being a player then he is, no matter what he says. Always trust friends opinions, if they say he's a player then don't take the risk, you will get hurt.
You know that "this is too good to be true" feeling? Trust it, when you feel that way it's because it is.
If you don't want to be used for sex then take that out of the equation. If you keep getting caught by guys only looking for sex then start making every guy you date wait and prove himself. Let them know you're the kind of girl that makes a guy wait and don't give them a time frame for reference, you know a guy only wants sex if he tries to get that information out of you early. Don't talk about exes or how fast you put out for the last guy. Keep everything public and refuse to go be alone with the guy for the first 5 or 6 dates, no matter how good the date was and how "right" it feels just say no to alone time for a while. Players hate waiting and they'll get frustrated easily if they don't think they'll even get to be alone with you any time soon so they can try it on. Most won't wait that long and will move on.
If you're worried about flirting the only thing you need to remember is not to tease. Lots of women think it's a fun game to tease a guy and that it's a good way of flirting. It's not it will get you in trouble because teasing is basically offering/implying sex but not actually giving it, it can lead to bad situations, there are far too many guys out there that assume you want them regardless of anything you say after that and will take it even if you don't want to give it.
The best way to find a good guy that will like you for you is to *not* get with guys you meet in bars, clubs and/or parties. If you do meet guys in those situations you like then let nothing but conversation happen but indicate interest in getting to know them better some other time.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 It is impossible to give you an answer about all guys. I could only speak for myself.
It is possible that a man wants a specific woman for sex only, but I don't think many men will marry or have a permanent relationship with someone on that basis alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): The first thing men wonder as we inventory a woman's assets, is what it would be like to sleep with you and find out how you felt. The rest evolves from there, and any guy that tells you different is stretching the truth.
It's not that we are shallow. It is the seed of procreation yearning to sprout and bloom.
Love comes later. The maturity of a committed relationship follows. But in in the critical mass of first sight, that makes us do the stupid things we do to get your attention, we are prompted by the thought of having sex.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 April 2011):
hi,
men are not that shallow that they only look for sex, except players are different.
Real men get happy, sad, lonely, and embody all the real emotions that make them great husbands. They want companionship, want the pleasure and trust of sharing their lives with a woman they respect and trust (and hopefully always love)
But some men do want a partner for many other reasons, including status (trophy wife), money (gigolo/gold digger) etc
Players are a whole kettle of fish.
Players could 'connect' with one woman in the morning, another in the evening, and feel nothing for either. To players sex is just a sport they play. The woman a mere receptacle.
Try to distance yourself from players, they will do you no goos.
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A
female
reader, dietcoke.1 +, writes (13 April 2011):
dietcoke.1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do tend to hang around with players , but they still go out with people so its not all about sex with them :/ Maybe its like you said that my flirting technique is all wrong i will have to look up on how to take the suggestiveness out of it because it will be hard to change it if i have been doing it wrong all this time :/ Thankyou for your advice
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A
female
reader, dietcoke.1 +, writes (13 April 2011):
dietcoke.1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do tend to hang around with players , but they still go out with people so its not all about sex with them :/ Maybe its like you said that my flirting technique is all wrong i will have to look up on how to take the suggestiveness out of it because it will be hard to change it if i have been doing it wrong all this time :/ Thankyou for your advice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Well at your age most guys are just looking for sex, that's the problem. And really at any age all guys want sex. Its just that some will commit to you and others won't. It all depends on the guy.
But don't take it personally if a guy just wants you for sex. Deep down it has nothing to do with you or that there is anything wrong with you. It is simply that he has an agenda and he is immature.
So just beware of guys who are just looking for sex, stay away from them and keep looking for guys who treat you well and respect you. Be patient, they are out there.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I'm not a guy, but I can tell you that every guy is different. If guys are only wanting you for sex, you are hanging around the wrong guys! Do you find yourself attracted to players or guys with a reputation of using girls for sex?
You might even be un-intentionally sending out the wrong message. I'm not saying it's your fault. It's really not hard to make a guy think about sex, as I'm sure you know. You might be accidentally making them think that's all your in for. Is your flirting generally very suggestive for example? If you take some of the sex out of flirtation, guys get a better idea of what you want.
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