A
female
age
36-40,
*xpecting mum
writes:Hi friends , I am a 24yrs old university graduate, and 6 months pregnant, but the father of my baby has left me, he broke up with me over the phone and called me all sort of names. he even calls me a prostitute,..the relationship was a very smooth one. We started the relationship in september last year, though we were friends before we started...the whole problem started in december, he told me to tell him about my past as well as past relationship, which I did ..all in the name of love and loyalty to the relationship. After telling him everything, he still went to ask about me outside and got lies from people which he didn't confirm from me ...he started calling me a prostitute ..he only sent me money twice since I got pregnant..uptill date Ive been the one paying my bills and stuffs ...I had to involve my parent in the issue as well as my siblings ...and to my suprise he told them I was a prostitute, he humiliated me ...he told his siblings too and they judged me without asking to no my part of the issue.Now he is telling me he is going to take the baby from me when I give birth ..that he can't allow me raise the baby ..i asked to know who he asked about me,that gave him all the lies, he said he promised the person not to disclose their identity ...I am so confused right now ... What to I do , ? Hw do I prove my innocence? Please I need help . . I am loosing it.. I am doing my baby shopping alone without his support ...he also has not told his parent about our baby ...what do I do? ..n:b he is also 24yrs
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broke up, money, prostitute, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 ChiGirl has Answered you with a excellent answer.
Keep the emotion out of all this. Ask your parents to do the same. Hold your heads up high. If he is accusatory or emotionally abusive then his parents may be the same or worse. You do not know what lies he has told his family.
Do not respond emotionally. If he or his
family start to say nasty things ensure that you and your parents respond by suggesting a DNA paternity test. But act with dignity befitting who you and your family are.
Your quiet dignity versus their inflamatory abusive accusations will demonstrate who has right in their side.
If they are abusive and nasty and threatening then withdraw and leave it to your father's lawyer to arrange a paternity test and child support. A court of law can enforce a paternity test even when a mann refuses.
His family must be respectful that you ARE pregnant and therefore deserve not to be too stressed and certainly you do not need to be verbally abused. Nor do you need to be subjected to any immature nasty cruel abusive insulting uncalled for taunts, such as the names this boy has used against you (a real man would not say such nasty things)
Do not be in a hurry to marry this man unless he speaks to you and treats you with utter complete respect at all times.
Same with his family. If he will allow them to treat you with contempt and a lack of respect and he does not defend you in front of them, then he is not husband material. Good luck
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 When you meet him and his parents be quiet and only say what is needed. Do not say anything else or respond to threats or accusations. Ignore it if he calls you names, he is only trying to get a reaction out of you. If possible, let your parents do most of the talking and only say what you must say, and nothing more.
Act adult and responsible, and look proud of yourself. Do not show them that you are hurt by their words or feel ashamed or scared.
When you say less, he will not have anything to accuse you of. If you get angry, or upset, or cry, or shout at him, he can say you are immature, not responsible, lying, a baby etc. If you act out you will only give him more ammunition for his pitiful behaviour. So do not respond if he tried to get you to react in anger, or if he tries to make you cry. Remember that you are strong and can handle this, and you have the support of your parents.
Just be polite, say hello and greet the parents and him as well if he is there. But you do not need to be overly nice to them in any way.
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A
female
reader, expecting mum +, writes (11 April 2011):
expecting mum is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks chigirl and abella for ur advice ...plz friends I need more advices , ..I and my parent ll be going to see his parent ,what do you think I do when I see meet them and besides I guess he ll be there too .what do I also do when I see him?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2011):
chiGirl has really done her homework with her excellent answer.
My immediate reaction is that suddenly he is looking for excuses to evade responsibility. And his threats are disgusting. He is just trying to hurt you because he is immaturely unable to accept his responsibility as a father to be.
No man should ever ask 'who came before him'
If he is secure in himself he would not need to behave in this un-manly way.
He may still twist and duck and weave to evade paying maintenance. He is ably demonstrating his lack of character.
His threat to take away the child, once born, is horrible. You are pregnant. You should be loved and supported during your pregnancy. If i were you i would be unable to forgive him in a hurry.
In fact i am not sure if i could ever forgive him for the way he has treated you. What did he expect by having unprotected sex? Of course a pregnancy would result. If he is so mean and nasty then he is showing he has no respect for you.
It may also mean that he has unprotected sex with others. be very wary of him in the future. He is behaving in a dishonorable way. One day he may wake up to himself and feel very very ashamed of himself. But maybe not yet. Get every bit of family support possible. Schedule time for rest after baby is born, for the first few weeks after a baby is born are very tiring.
Be much more cautious about qualifying
Your next partner. If you lose a potential partner or partners, because your standards are too high for the guy, then so be it. Better to lose a guy than be saddled with an immature guy like the father of your child.
Work out your standards and the character values and attitudes you need in a guy and accept nothing less. Life is too short to waste time on losers.
My good wishes to you, in the future ahead, and for your baby.
Regards, Abella
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 April 2011):
Maybe this page can be a good starting point for you:
http://www.hg.org/law-firms/Child-Support-and-Custody/Nigeria.html
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 April 2011):
Do you have any rights for support from the government when it comes to finances? Can you call a free lawyer service and ask for advice on how to make the father of your child pay? Do you have to get by all on your own?
He can not take your child away from you. If he does that will be kidnapping. But you should give up all hope of getting him to believe in you, and you should not want this man back in your life. He has proved his loyalty to you, and he failed the test. He chose to believe someone else over you. He gave his loyalty to this other person, not you. That tells a tale that his loyalty never was with you, and that he always would put others before you. That is a not a good partner, or good boyfriend. And so you should just let him be, cut your losses.
But work on getting him to pay for the child!! Involve your parents, get the help you need, and perhaps even contact a lawyer. If the father of your baby has not been contributing to the child, it might be you can claim full custody for the child, and he might be the one who will not see his child. But you need to get on top of the legal actions to take, by for example contacting a lawyer or reading up on the laws regarding custody and financial contribution.
Don't care what he, or his family says. You know what the truth is. Just leave them be, and don't bother with it. You have more important things to think about than what they are saying about you. YOU know the TRUTH. So don't let theirs words get to you when they are only telling lies.
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