A
male
age
30-35,
*an-of-questions
writes:Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get blunt answers. Before the last few days I was getting really lovely texts and phonecalls from her, as if she was really eager to hear from me and was really chatty.But it doesn't feel like this anymore. We live about 2 hours away from each other so we only see each other at weekends. When we are together, we get along so very well. She really is my best friend. But when she calls me or texts me, she seems distant, removed, like she's replying but only cos she has to. She never contacts me unless I contact her, and she never seems happy to hear from me anymore.I even tried not calling her every day, to make us miss each other more, so we;d be happier to talk. But I still get the feeling that talking to me is a formality for her rather than a joy. However, when we meet up, we still have such a great time together. But I miss her so much when we're apart and I know she misses me so much too, but it makes it twice as hard to not miss her when I get this sort of reaction when we talk.Most importantly, she still tells me she loves me and still sometimes manages to muster a laugh or a smilie (this may seem unimportant, but that's something she ALWAYS used to do in texts). They're just so brief and to the point, and that's not like her. I'm scared it's going to cause problems, and I can't live without her.I just need help. This relationship is far from over, I just can't work out why it's like this...Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 thank you for the update. I am so happy for you that communication has improved. Regards, Abella
A
male
reader, Man-of-questions +, writes (21 April 2011):
Man-of-questions is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has improved quite a lot, apparently she was just missing me. Things aren't perfect but they're better so I hope it continues that way.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2011):
Hi, i would love to see an update on this one, please.
has she improved now? Or is she being blunt with you, as she was when you asked for advice? That is, is she still being short and sharp?
Thx
Abella
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): mmkay, my boyfriend is 1000 miles away right now for school and the same thing was happening with me i just wasnt enjoying the txting or the phone calls and i really did need space. i was tired of having the same conversation over and over again. if you can try getting on skype or oovoo, it makes all the difference being able to see eachothers faces. skype saved my relationship lol
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A
male
reader, Man-of-questions +, writes (7 April 2011):
Man-of-questions is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,
Things haven't improved. She explained today that she just needed space, and so I didn't contact her at all throughout the day. But I literally only texted her to say good night, which she said she wanted, and I just got a miserable and frankly frustrating text back.
I'm just sick of her not opening up and telling me what's wrong.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 April 2011):
 "I even tried not calling her every day, to make us miss each other more, so we'd be happier to talk."
Would I be correct in guessing that, when you do talk or text, you freely express positive feelings for her? Send her long texts, or say nice/cutesy things over the phone? Are your communications unambiguous and direct?
If so, the problem isn't the quantity of communication, it's the type she's receiving. Refusing to communicate in order to create an artificial shortage in your attentions will not make the relationship better. Rather, you need to make each interaction more intriguing, more interesting. Give her something to think about.
Next time you talk to her, keep it short, don't talk about your feelings, and try to make each of your sentences shorter than hers. Be brief. Tell her you have to run, give her some reason for it (preferably a true one; call her right before you go to meet your buddies for drinks or something) and ask her to text you at some specific time.
*Tell* her, don't ask. It's not a command, but it's better to err on the side of too commanding than too weak.
When she texts you (and if she's invested in the relationship, she will), send short, ambiguous responses. Something incomplete and open to interpretation, maybe even a complete non-sequitir. Tease her, in other words. Make getting a straight answer from you like pulling teeth. Be a little mysterious, make her work to hear about your thoughts and feelings.
If you're not communicating, she's not working for them. If you're answering every question immediately and directly, or offering up answers before she even asks the question, she's not working for them. Tease her, like you would in person.
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A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (6 April 2011):
i personally hate talking on phones, and really hate texts. so may be she has some personal issues currently and feel the same way. just ask her...whats the worse that can happen.
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Maybe she's having family issues or something happened back home to put her in a bad mood. Maybe she's on her period. Maybe she hasn't been getting enough sleep lately. Maybe she misses you so much that she's sad about having to wait until the weekend to see you again. It could really be many things. If you know she loves you, and it's only been a few days I wouldn't think too much into it. Give it another day or so, if she's still acting strange just tell her that she seems a little different lately, ask her if everything is ok. Maybe she will open up to you, and ease all your worries. If you have a bit of money to spare buy her a little something, candy, a movie, a mix cd that you've made yourself, and mail it to her home. That should cheer her up!I hope everything works out, let us know what happens!
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