A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have only been dating about six weeks. I'm only fourteen, but I have the strongest feelings ever for him. He recently though went on a 'rowing' camp and kissed a girl there in a game of Truth Or Dare. Honestly, I thought he was better than that. He has apologised, but I overreacted and I think I've really screwed things up. I love him so much and don't want to lose him. How can I fix this? I don't mind anymore, I know that he's sorry, but he is mad at me because of how I reacted. HELP! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): I completely disagree with Abella. You didn't overreact. A game or not he should not be kissing other girls. When I was 14 I dated a guy who did the exact same thing, truth or dare and kissed someone. I got mad, but it was this big thing but we ended up staying together. He was a little older than me, about a year and a half. And we got a little closer than just kissing (which do NOT do) and he ended up cheating on me all the time. Don't think you overreacted because you didn't. You need to stand up for yourself and don't take anyone's crap. Your young, you will get over it and you will learn and see. Just be young and don't let anyone push you around. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): You would have never known about the game he participated in nor the kiss that took place if he didnt tell you about it, right? Which shows that he is honest with you.
As far as the kiss itself, he didnt seem too worried about hiding it, which probably means that he didnt realize that it was going to be such a major issue. Also, it probably means he didnt have feelings for the girl either. In his mind, it was just a game, he was caught in a catch 22, and probably just as flustered as the other player when he learned he would have to kiss her.
However, that being said, I dont believe you were wrong for becoming upset with the situation, nor for reacting and speaking your mind and standing up for what you believe in. There are certain things that are a given in any relationship, game or no game. Kissing another person who is not your partner is one of them. It is reasonable to assume that everyone knows when you play a game of truth or dare with the opposite sex, one of the dares are undoubtedly going to be "I dare you to kiss him/her". Knowing this, he could have opted out of the game before it ever began.
No, I dont think that he meant any harm. I think he just didnt think things through. I do know that if you continue to make a big fuss over this you run the risk of your boyfriend keeping things a secret from you in the future. All you can do at this point is voice why you overreacted, tell him you believe in him and trust him, thank him for being so honest and move on with it. If you were big enough to forgive him for kissing another girl, he can be big enough to forgive you of how you reacted. Plain and simple.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 post script
if he had been kissing and cuddling a girl in secret, and was 'sprung' and yet was still not telling the truth to you, THEN i would be horrified, and in those circumstances, yes, i would drop him.
Different situations call for different strategies
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 March 2011):
You have just started dating this boy. It's been about six sweet weeks. And you have the strongest feelings for him. He's very special to you. He's your exclusive boy friend.
You have had such a high opinion of him that his sheer perfection may have led to extra high expectations that everything was perfect and would remain perfect.
And then he did this! He kissed another girl. You are viewing it as serious threat to your relationship, as if he had knowingly been unfaithful to you.
I do not think one kiss in a public game is a major threat to your relationship.
Though your reaction to it may have undermined his confidence in you.
But let's put this in perspective: After just a short time how was he to know all the rules? How was he to know that you would or could not countenance him taking part in the game? He might have even thought refusing, (to kiss), could have caused insult to the girl he kissed. Or be thought of as kill-joy, if he didn't actively participate, in a game, at the camp, and in front of everyone?
Whereas the girl he kissed has probaby forgotten it already.
I can even recall a similar kiss when I was 14 at a 14th birthday party. He had a choice of shaking hands, hugging me or kissing me. I though he would shake hands! Yet he chose to kiss me! I was so flustered i would not even look in the direction of the boy for the rest of the night. Years later I cannot even remember his name, and I never saw him again. So me getting all embarassed and worried what people would think of me was all worry for nought.
Sometimes things seem 'huge' and a big disaster when we are still in our teens. But in the big scheme of life eventually we develop perspective about things that really matter, things we can live with, and things that don't matter.
I am so pleased that you know that you over-reacted. Life is a balance. There is appropriate situations and inappropriate
situations.
I think if you make too much of this you run the risk of humiliating your boyfriend. I do not see this kiss of a girl during a game as a huge betrayal.
And you need to mend some fences with your boy friend. Listen to him, about how he is feeling, include how he is feeling about your reaction..
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Uhh, if he's mad at you because you got mad that he kissed another girl, then drop him. Games aren't an excuse, period. I guarantee that he would react twice as mad if it had been you kissing another guy like that.
Don't EVER fall into the trap for blaming yourself for rightfully standing up for yourself and confronting someone. Don't ever allow someone to have that kind of power that you'll allow something that makes you feel uncomfortable because you're terrified of losing him.
Do not apologize to him. You will gain more respect that way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): Honestly, I don't think you overreacted. Which girl would like to see her bf kissing another girl? And over a game of truth and dare? If his friends knew he was attached to you they wouldn't even dare him to. If you feel that you've overreacted, have a good talk with him about why you've reacted this way. He shouldn't be mad at you. Good luck :)
...............................
|
