A
male
age
36-40,
*ade Wilson
writes:Note: Please don't be deterred by my long paragraph :(Greetings there. I'm just seeking a little guidance as I've been wandering around my house aimlessly and would like some advice. Kind of a long story, so excuse me.Back in September/October last year I had some feelings for one of my mates siblings, (his sister) I am 2 years older than her. I recently broke up with my previous girlfriend, (first ever) at the beginning of September, she mucked me around a lot, and I said to myself I needed to find a nice girl... that's when i began to start liking this new girl. She is in her own band, I began to have these feelings for her after I saw one of her gig (performances).After about a month later, November i think it was. I then told myself I would ask her out, so I went to her brother to receive permission off of him first, he was cool with it. I then went to her next gig and which was the 2nd one of hers I'd been to, I asked her the next morning via text (yes bad move I know) if she'd liked to grab a bite to eat sometime. She replied with something along the lines of..."I'm super dooper flattered and all but I'm just not in that type of mood at this time of my life. I sound kind of crazy but does that make sense?"We then proceeded to chat via sms shortly after, I was at work at the time. She asked me lots of things when we texted like where I worked and it developed into a little conversation. She didn't actually seem repelled that I asked her.So weeks went on and we still remained close acquaintances. I saw her at a few of her gigs after that and then she'd randomly invite me the next day to drink with her and her friends at a local bar.I still go to her gigs now, I've been to like 6 or 8. She always thanks me after wards. I've given her some of my dvd's/movies to watch after I see her play. She'll randomly initiate a conversation with me via text message from time to time about something. She always wants to get the last word in a text in too, if I reply she'll keep replying. And she always replies too.I also got her an anonymous rose for valentine's day. I don't know if she figured out, who it was from but she did say "thankyou to mr. no name for the rose" on her Facebook wall.So what I want to know is should I still persevere with her? Ask her out again, in person this time? Wait a little longer? Tell her the rose was from me? I don't really want to push her away either.I really like this girl's personality and I think she always makes me feel chipper when I socialize with her, I don't really want to give it all up yet.Any advice would be great, thank you. :)
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 Well, until you get a very bold and determinate NO for an answer, set a rule for yourself to persevere. Women like decided men, of course, you do have to know when to stop or when to maybe percolate a joke and just be likeable and confident. So, how is her life as a singer, is it how we like to imagine, fun, full of opportunities, temptations and just never dull. You think you could keep up with that?...You just came out of a nasty relationship, maybe it's not the time to focus on one single person, you don't have to go to her every gag either or lay yourself out to please her. I'd say, take it easy, get to know her, get to know other people as well, befriend, flirt, you don't seem to have an awful lot of experience, now as you're available you can pretty much test the grounds and enjoy the whole setting. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 Definitely you should ask her out.
And well done that you have been making a good impression re how you have conducted yourself over this.
She will not have a lot of spare time since her own band would need lots practice etc.
Do some intell on the sort of places/food that she likes or does not like.
And it may need to be a daytime outing. Maybe even a quirky unexpected outing.
So this time when you ask her out ensure that this time it is face to face.
When you ask don't try to be too cool, nor casually flippant.
Just look her in the face and say, 'i'd like to take you out for lunch, how does this Monday at noon sound? Happy for me to pick out somewhere nice, but casual?' if she says yes, then confirm where you will pick her up and when.
Make a bookinng in advance for where you will take her.
Choose somewhere she might not
expect. But is still in line with food she might like.
Quirky lunch dates i have enjoyed?
1. Lunch at a cafe in a Zoo
2. Folding table/chair and picnic meal set up at the end of disused old boat jetty
3. An open day at a winery where tables were set up outside under a vine
4. A big long walk up to the top of a hill to see where a waterfall started falling, then Cold pizza slices eaten while we sat on rocks high above the ground below. And watched other people starting the cimb we had just done.
Use you imagination to get her alone and away from her usual haunts.
Good luck
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