A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i am a 20 yr old male and still a virgin. this fact depresses the hell out of me. everywhere i go theres people all having so much fun and i feel that im missing the best parts of my life and falling behind on much needed experience. most people have a fair bit of experience by 20 dont they? even some stupid one night stand would be fine with me. i reckon the pain that comes along with breakups and relationships would be worth it for some of that fun. better to have loved and lost than never loved at all right? people tell me all sorts of stuff like dont worry it'll happen naturally, you'll find someone you like evetually blah blah blah. but then others tell me to hurry up and lose it, im not normal and i should get the experience or girls wont want me. im sure theres truth in both these suggestions but i tend to lean towards the "abnormal" opinion. im so confused about this all of the time. i hate it. and sometimes i hate myself.if im honest i think that most of this is my own fault. im not socially awkward or anything i can talk to people fine girls and guys, but i have no real idea of how to take it to the next level if i was with a girl. basically i suppose i want to know what guys and girls think of my virginity at my age and what guys and girls would think if i hired an escort to lose it to. ive seriously considered this in the past but ive seen some real hateful comments to people who have admitted doing it that way on sites such as this.
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escort, one night stand, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GrumpyPete33 +, writes (6 July 2014):
I'm doing it, too. Just be careful, never leave your wallet out, make sure you meet the provider at a bar first, then meet with them elsewhere and oh, yes use protection.
A
female
reader, anigail82 +, writes (8 April 2011):
I'm 25. I just lost my virginity and I'm glad I waited. It's good to feel comfortable with the person you have sex with, so you can really experiment and have fun. If you want to become "experienced", you're not going to get that from an escort. You get that from being with someone you trust and finding out what she likes and what you like.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Go for it man :DJust don't go and hire a total sleezbag :P oh and uhh...make sure she's legal. Just so you can't go to jail for underage stuff. meh :P
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A
female
reader, distantshadow +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Don't lose your virginity! It is perfect normal not lose it till you find a right person you dream of marrying. Don't lose it for "experience" of it. I tell you openly and honestly, I have been with a virgin guy for 7 years and that was best and most fun I ever had, I missed him terribly, I wished that relationship didn't end. I was a virgin until 4 years ago (I'm 33), and regret since met another guys who are pressing for sex. Its sad I'm being taken advantage of. So naturally, I'm miserably failed at dating do and don't.
So whatever you do, don't lose your virginity just because others said so. Not worth losing. Wait for the right girl comes along, someone who love you for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): I understand why you want to "get experience"...but I think you should also take into account that "experience" colors perspective.
If you have sex with a prostitute, the experience isn't comparable to the experience with someone you love, it's emotionally void. I should admit that I've never slept with a prostitute...so perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about....all I know is that I've slept with people I don't care about and it's a boring and void experience.
I also know that those experiences impacted my later experiences with people I did in fact care about. I lost my virginity at 20 and I still had enough time to make plenty of mistakes that I still regret.
You are perfectly normal. Wait till you meet someone you care about...more importantly, pursue someone you care about.
Money can't buy you everything in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Hi
hateful comments i agree should not happen, you do what feels right for you,what you believe in. It does not really matter what anyone thinks because you should not be judged either way. Live and let live, virgin or prostitute,we are all trying to find our way. What is right for one may be wrong anotherdo what YOU
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 March 2011):
 All prostitutes are "hand me the money". There is no emotion involved in it. They aren't sex teachers unless you've got $1,000+ to spend, and even then, it's by the hour and no matter what you do, they'll moan like you're the king of the world. That's what they're paid to do.Basically, your only experience will be in how to "stick it in" a woman. Big deal! And the worst thing is...it won't really help self-confidence with a woman in a relationship. You still won't have the skills to grow a relationship to the sexual point, so therefore it's self-defeating.Now, if you, like a couple of people I've read, don't and will never ever care about really making love with a woman, then get a good job, make lots of money, and hire as many escorts as you want. A lot of guys fall into that because it's easy. You'll end up feeling emptier than you did as a virgin if you do that.I'm not being puritan. I'm being practical. Prostitutes are a trap. Either you'll hate it, or you'll regret it, or you'll love it too much to be bothered by relationships. You'll think you're a sex god, but in truth, these women aren't really pleased by you. They are just paid to gyrate, moan, and cry out whatever name you give them. It's all a script.Add to that this next unsettling thought. In one study, teen prostitutes claim that they sleep on average with 20 men per night. I'm sure with escorts, they probably have that down to 10 men per night. People may say "Oh, they're safer than regular people" but the truth is, it's all about the law of averages. Just for the sake of numbers, let's say that a prostitute sleeps with 10 people per day. Let's give her one day off per week, and that means she sleeps with 240 men per month. According to statistics, proper condom usage is 85% effective at stopping the spread of diseases from human papilloma virus to herpes to HIV/AIDS. So that means that if the prostitute is sleeping with 10 men per day (20+ for a lower paid prostitute, 10+ for an escort), then 36 of those 240 encounters are at risk. For those of you who are under the delusion that prostitutes are cleaner, may I remind you that the average woman won't sleep with 36 people in her lifetime, much less 240 people per month with a 15% change of contracting and spreading disease while properly using condoms.I don't know about you, but I'd rather be a virgin and learn the old-fashioned way than put myself at that kind of a risk just to say that I'm "experienced". Blech.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Can we change this Virgin word.I've been reading tons of posts about virgins doing everything and anything to have an orgasm.Biologically isn't it the female of species who is technically a virgin because of her unbroken hymen?I think we need another term for Virgin where there has been orgasm. Because the virgins I've been reading about are doing more than most who are just having full penetration. How about Virginette?This guy is 20 and I say wait, do what it takes to meet a girl and all the foreplay and anticipation along the way.It'll do wonders for his esteem and confidence and he may just meet a really great girl. But don't feel quilt or shame if you take the lady of the night or day. That too could bring some wonderful memories.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 March 2011):
 you will eventually find a nice girl, connect with her and feel love and passion for her.You will always remember your first time vividly for all time. Even if it is a bit fumbly. But if you go to a prostitute then it will not be able to go on to be a loving ongoing relationship, where you know you are loved and appreciated just for being you.In a paid relationship then of course she will say the same things she says to 100 different men each week. And going to a prostitute may give you a warped view of sex for the rest of your life. Bit like programming a baby duck to think something is it's Mother Duck, because on getting out of the egg the first thing the duck got to be with was a lizard.Keep positive. Join some groups. Develop some good opening lines that actually work. (many guys turn girls off with guys using horrible opening lines)Learn some tips on attracting and being with girls by reading some of the great articles on sex in the Articles area in DC. Anonymousmale123 (i think that is the Uncle) has some great such articles in DC.Regards, Abella
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 March 2011):
 This site is too puritanical for my taste. I say go for it. I have no problems with guys having hired prostitutes. Just don't find a sleazy one like "just get it over with and hand me the money" type. Find one that's mature, patient, and willing to teach you the art of erotica, seduction, etc. Before you find an escort, try out craigslist because maybe you can get it for free. I have done that once, taught an 18 year old virgin and the experience was good.
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A
male
reader, yazanco  +, writes (22 March 2011):
This depends on your culture actually, are you preservative?
Don't worry about losing it, actually, i find it more interesting to see a girl who is still virgin, i will get to respect her more, simply because if you have something that you will have it once in a life time, really you must be tooooo careful not to lose it for someone who you don't see him as an honest, respectful, and loyal partner.
It is like losing a mother or father (God forbid) you have one of them only and once lost cannot be replaced in any way.
Take care don't listen to idiots saying lose it lose it, they are losing it because they want just to have sex or show up.
think carefully, what people say is not a bible or quran.
Come back to us and say what u did decide.
all the best
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 March 2011):
There was another thread similar to this one with over 100 responses on it. One of the most interesting reads I've ever had on here in terms of the variation in replies.
Here's my thought on it. 20 years old is still young, and you're not abnormal to still be a virgin at that age. Also, hiring an escort might accomplish your loss of virginity, but in my opinion, it will give you zero experience whatsoever.
Also, think about it. When you do want to get into a relationship with a woman, how would you like it if you know that someone had paid her to lose her virginity, or if she had paid someone to lose it? With all of the cases of jealousy on this board over women's sexual pasts, it's definitely not a positive thing to know that my boyfriend hired someone his first time out.
Yes, I know...you'll be advised never to tell anyone that you saw an escort. You'll know the truth. Anyways, it's true that many women like experience from a man, and you feel lacking in that area. But think about it - losing your virginity to a prostitute is the wrong kind of experience. The experience we women like is in the art of seduction and turning a girl on. The only experience you'll have is being able to pull out your wallet and pay for some woman to open her legs. You'll be no more experienced than you were before you walked in.
You'd be better to work at social skills. At 20, your virginity isn't a bad thing at all. In fact, a girl who really likes you would be more than honored to be your first. There are many women who are virgins at and around 20 years old.
An escort is a shortcut. If you were 30 or 40 and were still a virgin, that might be a bit different. But 20 years old? It will stunt your sexual growth, so to speak. You'll think you're experienced, but you won't be. Best to do things right and learn how to take things to the next level with a girl. An escort will not help you there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): you should not hire an escort beacuese i think that losing your virginity and having sex fir the first time should be special and with the person you love and care for and the love and care for you back xxx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2011):
 If you think "losing" your virginity is that important that you want to hire someone to help you, go for it.
Personally I know a LOT of women who would have absolutely no problem with a 20 year (or older) virgin guy.
The thing is, after you lose it then what? You will try a "real" girl?
I really don't think being a virgin is a negative thing. At any age.
And if you think being a virgin = being bad in bed I think you are wrong. I had a BF who was a SLUT ( yeah I didn't know til later) and he was the WORST ever in bed. Just because he'd slept with a lot of girls didn't make him better, jsut a bigger slut.
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A
male
reader, dannn  +, writes (22 March 2011):
Yeah get best to get it over with, you're putting the pussy on a pedestal (40 year old virgin). Maybe if not an escort a drunk girl at a club? I'm sure the first time being with the person you love is nice but from the people I know that do it that way they get sooo attached then when it ends they're emotionally scarred, first time with someone who you aren't in love with you realize that it's sex and it can be shared with someone you care and love, or someone who you don't.
Anyways whatever you choose I'm sure things will work out. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Those people who tell you you are not normal are morons. They also tell you girls wont like if you are a virgin? Well take it from a girl, we do not like men who visit prostitutes. One round in the sack won't give you much of anything. You've seen naked women before on TV, and you've given yourself a handjob. Perhaps even used some toys. Going to a prostitute won't be much different. It'll just cost you a lot. But it's pathetic to go to one, and there is far more dignity in staying a virgin until you find someone you actually want to have sex with who actually wants to be with you as well. If you were to go to an escort I'd recommend you do not tell women of this. The risk is high that they will loose respect for you then, and Im not saying it to be mean, but I know girls. The problem here is not your virginity. It is that you don't know how to flirt, or take things to the next level as you said. You know there's only one thing that can change that, and that is PRACTICE. No one was born the perfect flirter, with all the tricks up their sleeve. It's a skill you learn through practice. You'll fail at first, and things can get awkward, but you just got to suck it up and do it. Teenagers typically go through this phase where they experiment with flirting, even I had a HUGE problem with understanding how to go from friends to more. How to read the signs, what to say, what to do. And I failed over and over, but at least I tried and learned from it. My boyfriend for example was holding back a lot and didn't flirt with anyone, or understand flirting at all. He had tons of girls that were interested in him, and had he as much as waved at them he'd have them jumping for him. But he refused to see this, and stuck to the idea that no one was interested in him. Then of course, he didn't get it when someone flirted with him, say me. I had to tell him straight out, like in kindergarden "I like you, do you want to be my boyfriend"? And so you know, he is 24 and was still a virgin. Maybe you're the same. You don't see when girls flirt with you, and you don't know how to flirt back, so you think you don't have a chance with girls or that they don't want you. But all you can do is practice, experiment with pick-up lines, and give compliments. Read up online on flirting techniques, read how couples met each other, and you'll get the idea. "most people have a fair bit of experience by 20 dont they?" Nah, not really. It is so easy to think negatively about one self, instead of thinking positively. It's like we naturally lean that way, to diminish ourselves, and we believe every bad thing that is said about us, and not any of the good things. So, I don't know if you will listen to me, but being a virgin at 20 and 20+ is by far better than having your first sexual experience with an escort. Are those even legal in your country? They are illegal here, and so you can see why that'd cause a moral question.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I lost mine at 24 and for the girl I met and stayed with for 12 years it made her feel special. Nothing to be ashamed about. Dont waste it on some escort otherwise you better keep it a lifelong secret!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I would say no don't do it. That ruins losing your virginity. Maybe it's because I'm a girl, but I think if you did that and then you looked back on it you would regret it. I'm 20 myself and I personally like virgins, so I don't think girls would not want you. You could find someone even if it is a one night stand, its better then an escort.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Hey bud!
Head up. I lost mine last year to one at age 25 for some reasons you have cited. I made my decision thru counseling tho as my head was messed up from living in such an open sex culture for 24 years. Yeah I primarily lost mine because I gave relationships a shot and didnt happen... and many other reasons. One yes was fear of not being able to please a woman cause of lack of experience. I got that impression cause of how casual sex was in the US. Listen, at your age thats okay. At mine? No. MOST women woulda laughed at me and in fact i shocked a few. God gave me a heart, not a d***. I hate it. Sometimes you have to take drastic action to get over your worst fear so if you do this dont do it out of hate or anger or frustration... any emotion that drives a decision is clouded and will fail you. Really sit down and think this one thru and seems like you are as youre coming on here. Message me anytime for any further info. Good luck my man.
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A
female
reader, hotinlove +, writes (22 March 2011):
I must be honest, I think its extreamly sexy! Sexy to know that not any woman is good enough to fool around with. It shows you have morals and boundaries. I also must admit that its sexy enough to make me want to take your v-card! But I wouldnt. I also suggest you wait for the right girl, not the right now girl like you suggested. So your already 20, who cares if you wait another year? Once sex starts you have the rest of your life....trust me wait for the right girl and you can comfortably learn and discover things together...choose the prostitute, and you may just feel awkward and unloved... The choice is yours, good luck!
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