A
female
age
36-40,
*irotam
writes:I am newly married gal.I am facing some problems with my husband because of culture differences and the living and speaking styles.because of which he dont understand my intentions and takes everything in wrong way.and now he thinks i am lier and do dramas if i do cry sometime.and if i try to make the things clear then he thinks I speak in front of him and i do not have the manner to talk.it hurts me a lot and please tell me what should i do for this that he could believe on me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 this needs some respectful open communication.
if your husband is unfamiliar with how to do that then please try to locate an impartial non-judgmental person (though preferably a trained relationship counsellor) who can keep the discussion on track with an absence of nasty accusations of 'liar'.
Together you should explore your cultural differences and where you agree. As this might help to lesson these disagreements between the two of you.
That must have been horrible to be called a liar. How unjust and nasty. No wonder you felt like crying.
And perhaps your husband has an expectation of how you should behave based on his upbringing.
But due to his own upbringing he may not recognise that you too are behaving entirely naturally and normally according to your upbringing.
There needs to be respect for these slight differences in culture. Instead of unfairly labelling you.
If you are being unduly emotional when things are going badly then do try to able with calm decorum, or even quietly excuse yourself if you feel the emotion rising in your heart.
Some men cannot understand tears or incorrectly think the woman is faking with false tears to get sympathy. I realise your tears were real, but it is something to keep in mind. Because rather than get support, when a man thinks the woman is faking he withdraws his feelings of support because he feels like the woman is trying to manipulate him for sympany.
At the beginning of a marriage there is often a settling in period where there is a need to find common ground, so that the two of you can better understand each other and enjoy a better relationship together.
Best wishes,
Regards Abella
A
male
reader, Revenant  +, writes (21 March 2011):
I don't mean to judge, but shouldn't these sorts of issues have been resolved BEFORE you married him? I mean, these are problems that would have been very obvious. If, however, this is just a way that he has changed after marriage, it sounds like he is a douche bag and you should get out of there.
Forgive me if I misunderstood the details in your question, but from the sounds of it it is one of those situations that can often lead to domestic violence.
Good luck.
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