A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My life feels like it's falling apart over something that should be so simple! My husband only needs 5 hours of sleep but I need 8 in order to function. He normally wakes me up at 5:00 AM which is bad enough because I like to sleep until 6:30 on the week-days and 8:00 AM on the week ends. But lately he's been waking up every morning at 3:30 AM and then he wants to talk. He makes me feel guilty if I grumble about wanting to sleep. But it's driving me crazy! If I humor him (and I try to) he will fall back to sleep after about an hour, but I do not. I toss and turn and when the alarm goes off at 6:00 I am exhausted! Once in awhile it wouldn't be so bad, but it's been 2 weeks of this schedule and he just doesn't understand why I'm unraveling. If I don't feel like talking, he tosses and turns and bugs me until I'm awake anyhow! We just got into a huge argument because he doesn't understand why I need more sleep than he does! He's always been an early riser (5:00 AM) which is bad enough because on the week-ends I like to sleep until around 8:00 or 9:00 AM. He says the whole day is gone by then. (Huh?) So I accomodaten him by dragging myself out of bed at 6:00 just to keep the peace; even though we sometimes stay up until 11:00 PM watching movies. Is there a way to change someone's chemistry? He can go to bed at 11:00 PM and be up at 3:30 and feel great. While I feel like hell! What do people do in these situations??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): My mum does this to my dad every morning at 3am because she suffers from bad depression and it changes her sleeping pattern as well as her perspectives on what it's reasonable to do at that time (eg wake up someone sound asleep)
Check your husband to see if he is feeling under tr weather or anything maybe before you get all mad or whatever the other posts seem to be suggesting you do.
A
female
reader, Viv Acious +, writes (25 November 2010):
His behaviour is totally unreasonable. This is selfishness of a massive scale. (Please note that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture).
Stand your ground and tell him he is entering into deal-breaker territory. Waking you up at 3.30am so you can entertain him (and then fall asleep himself again one hour later) is out of order! There is no other way of describing this.
If you allow this to continue you are enabling his behaviour. Do you have another room you can sleep in? Tell him you need 8 hours sleep. That's all there is to it. Not up for discussion. Not to be told you're wrong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Tell him to respect your sleep and don't humor him. Draw the line. Don't be a pushover. Of course you need your sleep!!! And he has no right to demand when you wake up. You're not his child.
Just be strict. If he tries to wake you up then don't talk to him. Even if you actually DO wake up, go to another room to get some sleep (and lock the door) or just ignore him and pretend to be asleep. Then let him go on about whatever, but don't bite the bait. He only throws a tantrum over this to get attention.
You could also start going to bed earlier in protest. Go to bed at 8.30pm. Tell him it's because you need your sleep and he wakes you up so early in your morning you need to go to bed earlier. Then let him sit alone to watch his movies. However, you'd be the one who looses that way, since he not only gets his will by having you up early, he also has forced you to change your daily rhythm.
Just be firm! Explain again that you need 8 hours of sleep. If he doesn't understand why, too bad for him. It's not up for questioning. It's how it is. It's a normal bodily need, just like peeing. He doesn't understand, not your problem. He has a problem with this and HE needs to solve it, not make it YOUR problem. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and feels lonely tell him to go watch tv or read a book!
OR, go to sleep in a separate room and lock the door so he can't come in to wake you up, and buy earmuffs and anything similar so you wont get woken up by noise (in the case that he will attempt breaking in the door).
Fight for your sleep!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 He is being quite unreasonable. Most people need 7 to 8 hours of unbroken sleep.
Does he have a job where he can nap during the day?
Some studies have even suggested a link between obesity being associated with people who sleep less than 5 hours every night
There are also studies suggesting sleep deprivation can severely stress some people, and make them more prone to an early death.
Your body clock is not his body clock. If he wakes up so early suggest he get get a book, take it into another room and
read it until you actually wake up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Your husband is being VERY selfish. Most people do not wake at 3.30 am and yes it might be sad and lonely for him but he should not wake you. He knows its effecting you but doesn't care? what sort of man is he?
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