| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Do you think he cares or not? Will I hear from him again?
Q. I have a question. Why do some guys admit when they have done something wrong, but they don't do anything about it? This man I know admitted that he thought he had been treating me badly lately (he said that to me, and to a couple of his friends. he ...
A. 11 May 2011: The answer is option 3: something else.
You forget that a man won't change for anyone but himself. That's why he's not changing - ultimately he doesn't want to change who he is. You can't make a man change for you - that's an impossible task.
If... (read in full...)
I'm worried his lack of success and ambition is going to cause problems in the future.....what should I do?
Q. Im falling in love with a man that treats me like a princess and who i can tell loves me very much.... He has never been in love before and im scared i will end up hurting him. Im a very ambitious woman and want the best out of life, i work ver...
A. 10 May 2011: I can see why you're confused. There are a lot of things in this post that are confusing.
1 - You say you're very ambitious. I believe that. but if you are that ambitious, you'll be a success no matter who is in your life. It's a bit worrying that... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not to want to take my husbands child on our Holiday?
Q. A couple of years ago my husband and I went on holiday and took his child from a previous relationship with us. During the holiday my husband did absolutely nothing with the child and I ended up doing everything for him so it was no holiday for me. ...
A. 10 May 2011: A small amount of me wanted to agree with the post below by Dear Mandy - but I re-read your post and sadly came to another conclusion.
I actually think this sounds like a bit of a tragedy. There are three adults here - you, your husband and his ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me a slag even though I lost my virginity to him!
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 to 6 months and have a good relationship we were getting over an arguement that was his fault so i was a bit heated at him when the question about sex came up. he was being abnoxious at the fact that i l...
A. 10 May 2011: Seriously? 5-6 months and he's called you a slag even though you were a virgin? Dump him. ... (read in full...)
I do miss him. Does he just want me as FWB? He is unresponsive.
Q. Hi, i was dating a guy, but then i realize he just wanted me as a friend with benefits, so i wrote to him, that i felt that he just wanted me like that, and he was not intesrested in me. I know he was interested in dating many girls at the same time...
A. 9 May 2011: Sorry, but thus guy is useless. You're only setting yourself up for more pain. You're better off blocking him and moving on. You really don't want to end up just being used whenever he feels like it.
Please don't waste time on someone who does... (read in full...)
Why can't I forget about my lover and move on?
Q. Hi I would really like some help. I have been having an emotional and physical affair with a co worker for 18 months. We started as friends and got close over a period of time. We have had many ups and downs during our time together, argume...
A. 9 May 2011: The sale of your house
The third of your husband's income.
The hatred of your husband
The hatred of your kids.
The guilt of knowing you failed your kids.
The guilt of knowing you failed your husband.
The feeling of isolation you'll feel wa... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like tall girls?
Q. Question for the guys, Do guys prefer a woman to be tall? Not taller than them, but not too short? Why do some guys dislike dating short women? Is is to do with the sex? lol ...
A. 9 May 2011: I've dated taller girls and shorter girls - and height has never really bothered me. In the end it's about whether the girl is a good, trustworthy person more than anything. Height just doesn't matter if you're the right girl. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my teacher the truth or continue a painful lie?
Q. for the past year i have had really strong feelings for my old teacher it started off as a stupid crush but its grown and it feels like love, i have told him my life stories like my personal family life and he knows i am in love and he has been very ...
A. 8 May 2011: Do you want him to get fired? Because if you don't, then keep quiet. He CANNOT know how you feel. Because if he does, and it circulates, you will cause him trouble. You must NOT say anything. ... (read in full...)
Advice on buying a puppy?
Q. ok what i was wondering is advise about buying a puppy chihuahua , ok heres wht i waan know : 1) do you HAVE to have a crate for it or could i just have it in a bed straight away coz i havent got money for crate . 2) with making sure it doesnt w...
A. 8 May 2011: For questions 1 and 2, you might be better going to a pet store an getting some advice about how to look after dogs. That way you'll get proper advice from professions.
Q3 - The names are as good as any others.
Q4 - Just remember dogs are a hu... (read in full...)
Should I try being someone I'm not to get his attention?
Q. I like him so much we have loads in common and get on i cant stop thinking bout him and its driving me mad But he basically doesnt like me he he says theres nothing wrong with me but does not have the spark he needs in a relationship ...
A. 8 May 2011: I'm afraid you won't be getting him. It doesn't matter what you do, or how you change. He's made it clear you're not his type. There is nothing you can do about it. Also, I suspect that you've been slightly used by him too. He seems to have enjoyed ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend calling other girls perfect?
Q. I really don't know what to do :'( my boyfriend barely ever talks to me, in school he barely ever comes up to me, hes always with other girls. He comments on other girls facebook pictures saying 'every aspect of this photo is beautiful and pe...
A. 8 May 2011: I always know when a relationship is at an end, because the person's final comment is "but I love him".
That's a sure sign that you're making excuses for his poor behaviour, and that you're allowing yourself to be treated badly. In fact, I'm bett... (read in full...)
Both of my ex boyfriends want me back and I don't know what to do!
Q. I know this is bad. This is really bad but I am freaking out. In life you always heard the statement be careful about what you wish for you might just get it. Yesterday I got everything I ever wished for just in terrible timing. I have two people ...
A. 8 May 2011: Why go back to either of them? You're unable to choose, which means neither is the right one in the first place. And to add to that, they're both ex's anyway which means it didn't work out before. Best to move on really. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible he likes me because he insults me?
Q. Ok, i hope you guys can really help me. Because i am so confused, and i don't know what to do. Ok, so I'm in high school in yr 9. And there's this boy and he doesn't treat me very well, it is so not a crush! But I'm just confused about the way he...
A. 5 May 2011: Err, no - A guy treating you horribly is usually a sign that he's an immature moron. There is a difference between teasing and just being a git. And he's being a git. Maybe he does like you, who knows? But the fact is he treats you like dirt, which ... (read in full...)
Doctor proposed HIV tests to my husband, and I'm freaking out.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, but we've been together for almost ten. When we started dating, we both did HIV tests. All of them came negative. In the past 4 years we've been living under extreme stress, mostly caused by financ...
A. 5 May 2011: This sounds like a very standard test, given that he's pretty ill. When someone is ill and they're not sure what is is, they'll test for everything. They'll now test hos blood for HIV, Diabetes, Cancer etc etc. It's just a list they'll test for.
H... (read in full...)
I miss him and still want to talk to him, but I am afraid of what will happen if I do.
Q. I met a guy 3 months back from a friend of mine. We got acquainted and later on we found out that we shared a lot of common, however, I am married and he is married. We both have problems with our respective partners. He has a very controlling and ...
A. 5 May 2011: I am always very, very suspicious when I read "He has a controlling wife, who nags him" - I'll tell you why:
People have said my mother nags my father - they're wrong. In fact, my father is a cold bastard and my mother has for years been trying to g... (read in full...)
Should I tell my teacher the truth or continue a painful lie?
Q. for the past year i have had really strong feelings for my old teacher it started off as a stupid crush but its grown and it feels like love, i have told him my life stories like my personal family life and he knows i am in love and he has been very ...
A. 5 May 2011: The law doesn't work as easily as you'd like it to. You cannot under any circumstances have a relationship with a teacher/ex teacher until you are over 18 and an ex pupil. If you do, it can affect any chance of you getting higher education, and you ... (read in full...)
He told me that he has missed me and it felt right being with me. I think maybe that is a good sign? What should I do?
Q. I reall like a friend of mine. Few months ago we went through break ups which brought us closer together but even before then we were always very close. I knew he liked me from last year and when we both became single we just sort of got together ...
A. 5 May 2011: I think probably it was a good sign.
One thing is for sure - if you don't do something about this, this will haunt you for a long time and prevent you from moving on. I think if you do care for this guy, and want to be with him, it's worth risk... (read in full...)
He wants me to be one of those women who cleans the house and have dinner ready for their husbands; but I have a full job with a lot of stress and responsibilities.
Q. My relationship is going downfall. My bf and I don't get along. We disagree on pretty much everything. He is conservative, I am liberal, he plans everything, I live by the moment, he likes to eat at home, I like to eat out, he watches reality ...
A. 5 May 2011: Starting again at 33 will be a lot easier than not starting again and being miserable for the rest of your life!
You two are entirely different people. It's a miracle that you've lasted this long. Worse, his mother is obviously what he's look... (read in full...)
Really?! "a kiss can mean nothing?!"
Q. I'm currently single and I'm not looking to get back with my ex. but what bugs me is I want to know what a girl means by "a kiss can mean nothing." When I finally got the courage to kiss her one afternoon after a bike ride around a lake and park ...
A. 5 May 2011: Yep - what Tisha says. You need to move on from her really. ... (read in full...)
I feel like the biggest idiot, I used an old account on FB to flirt with my boyfriend. Now what?
Q. Ok, I did something super dumb. I had this old facebook I made a while ago for kicks and I logged back in because i was bored. I saw my boyfriend online so I decided to start chatting with him. He started flirting and I let things get out of hand. I ...
A. 4 May 2011: Just end it. You've both proved that you're not mature enough for relationships at all. Neither of you can actually trust each other, and both are willing to lie. Best to end it, live a little more life and then date when you're ready. ... (read in full...)
Is this a sign he doesn't love me as much as I love him?
Q. Does my hushand love me? Sometimes I feel like my husband does not love me the way i love him, its like when i call him sometimes he don't answer his phone but if he calls me and i don't answer my phone he gets mad. Could this be a sign? Please h...
A. 4 May 2011: There's not really enough to tell whether he loves you or not. You'll need to give us more detail really. ... (read in full...)
Is one of your exes better than your current partner?
Q. Ok guys please be truthful. I want brutal honesty! Are your exes better than your current gf? I realise that your exes are exes for a reason but all that aside, in terms of being a person, being attractive, being more fun/sexier/funni...
A. 4 May 2011: My ex's don't even come close - that's why they're ex's.
And, well, you claim your boyfriend's ex was amazing and the only reason they broke up was because she cheated - hence she was crap, because there's no such thing as 'only cheating' - it's... (read in full...)
I still can't figure out why he decided to cheat on me. My friends say dump him, but they don't understand him like I do!
Q. Okay, so I have a BF that had lied to me about being a virgin, I found out that he wasn't a virgin by a friend of mines who knew him longer than I have. I asked him multiple times, yet he denied it.. afterwards we was in a good mood.. and I asked ...
A. 4 May 2011: Your friends are right. You should dump him before he uses you and gives you an STD or something. He's a liar and a cheat - that's all you need to really understand. ... (read in full...)
Is there anywhere I can go for male advice on male problems?
Q. is there any agony site for men. similar to dearcupid.com but mainly for men. I notice that most of the male questions here are answered by female aunts. I need male views on some male questions. ...
A. 4 May 2011: Bloke here!... (read in full...)
She is trying to regain my trust. Does she deserve a second chance?
Q. This could be sort of long. I met this girl in mid-December on a website. I had no intentions of ever getting anywhere with her. As the title suggests, we wound up in a long-distance relationship. After a little over three months, she decided t...
A. 4 May 2011: I think you need to look at this realistically - you two live far apart and were in an LDR. If it wasn't working then, it won't work now because no matter what you won't be able to trust her. She simply lives too far away from you, and you can't ... (read in full...)
Doe it mean he's trustworthy if he wants to be your Facebook friend?
Q. Simple question, if a guy you're seeing wants to be friends on facebook, is this a good sign that he is genuine? Because i think that if were friends on there, then he is honest about not having a girlfriend or dating anyone else. Like he doesn't ...
A. 3 May 2011: In my opinion, facebook is the tool of the Devil!
There is no way ever that you'll be able to judge someone properly using facebook. People can lie any time they like, they can set up fake accounts, they can hide things if they truly want to.
Th... (read in full...)
Doe it mean he's trustworthy if he wants to be your Facebook friend?
Q. Simple question, if a guy you're seeing wants to be friends on facebook, is this a good sign that he is genuine? Because i think that if were friends on there, then he is honest about not having a girlfriend or dating anyone else. Like he doesn't ...
A. 3 May 2011: In my opinion, facebook is the tool of the Devil!
There is no way ever that you'll be able to judge someone properly using facebook. People can lie any time they like, they can set up fake accounts, they can hide things if they truly want to.
Th... (read in full...)
Her past is tearing me apart, but I love her so. I don't know what to do.
Q. So I've been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months now, she's my first real girlfriend and I do love her so much. Everything is perfect except for the fact that I can't get her past sex life out of my head. She's 18 and has been with 10 guys bef...
A. 3 May 2011: Yep - you referring to her as a 'slut' is the nail in the coffin. It's worthless you two even being together. ... (read in full...)
How do I forget my years of abuse and learn to love again?
Q. I lived in abusive marriage for 20 years. I finally got out of it and started a new life. But the marriage keeps haunting me. How can I turn around again to find someone to love?...
A. 3 May 2011: Unfortunately, you can't just 'forget' abuse. If you could, life would be a billion times easier.
In a case where you have been abused, it's always best to get some kind of therapy to help you air your feelings, and to make sure you don't go thro... (read in full...)
Should I let my son's father continue to see him or not?
Q. I recently split from my husband after he cheated on me with my best friend and we have a 10 month old son. My problem is he will only see our son a couple of hours a week. I have never stopped him seeing our son on the condition that he doesn't ...
A. 2 May 2011: You can't stop contact by yourself. The only way you can do that is to get a court order, and believe me you'd better have one brilliant reason to do it, or you'll be the one in severe trouble. I'm sorry that he's a shit father, but you're in a ... (read in full...)
Did I react with too much jealousy over this situation?
Q. Did I over react? Last night my boyfriend of two months picked me and my best female friend up after an evening out clubbing. Me and my mate had both had quite a bit to drink. My boyfriend said he would drop us both home. He dropped me off fir...
A. 2 May 2011: I do think you had cause to be angry. However, this was a huge overreaction and as a post below says - you skipped out the whole part where you give him the chance to explain himself. Realistically if you're jealous like this inside of two months of ... (read in full...)
Should a guy really forgive a girl for being rude because she is on her period?
Q. Is a woman's cycle really a reason to forgive her sudden bitchiness? ...
A. 2 May 2011: Yes.
My girlfriend, like all women, can turn from a strong,loving, happy women into a quivering emotional wreck within a day of her period starting. And, well, that usually means that at some point I'll have to listen to a lot of crying, ange... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and haven't ever masturbated. Does this make me weird?
Q. Just a short question, I am a 16 year old female and haven't ever masturbated in my life because I don't know how to :/ Does this mean I'm weird? Or am i normal? Thanks so much to anyone who has any advice for me, i really appreciate it :)...
A. 2 May 2011: Not at all. ... (read in full...)
Bothered by the idea of losing my Virginity to a non-virgin....
Q. Hi all, Just gonna be simple about this. I am a 17 year old boy who wants to save my virginity for marriage but I am bothered by the idea of losing my virginity to a non-virgin. I would just feel slighted in that I wasn't their first and they d...
A. 2 May 2011: A decent woman is a decent woman, virgin or not. We had a woman on here who was a virgin, but in my opinion she had an appalling attitude towards men. We've also had women on here who aren't virgins, who have far more respect for women. Also, don't ... (read in full...)
Where have all the good men gone? Any suggestions on how to find them please?
Q. I've been actively dating for the past year. Overall, I've been extremely disappointed by the experiences I've been having. I've found many to be extremely selfish, immature, and have no respect for women. I've found that some men treat women li...
A. 2 May 2011: It is true that there are lots of good guys out there. I hope I'm one of them, and I'm sure that most of my male friends are. In my opinion, there are two problems. 1 - Women aren't always interested in good men. They do love their 'bad boys'. Y... (read in full...)
My mother doesn't approve of my relationship with a 34 year old
Q. I am 19, dating a 34yr old. My mother hates me for it. She says if my dad were still alive, he'd be dissapointed. She shuts me out doesn't want to listen to anything I say. I try and try but nothing. She compares me to a whore and says she'd rather ...
A. 2 May 2011: I agree with Flynn 24 at the bottom. Your mother's behaviour is pretty disgusting really. I actually don't think it has anything to do with the age of your boyfriend - it could have been a guy your age and she'd have done the same thing.
I actu... (read in full...)
B/f wants to know whats wrong with dating 5 years before we decide?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our mid 30's and have no children and been dating nearly two years. We live an hour and 10 mins drive apart and meet up mid week and week ends. He says because he doesn't earn much he can't afford to commute even further ...
A. 1 May 2011: Do you get the feeling this guy is just using you and mocking you? I do. I think he's totally wasting your time, and I think you can do a lot better than a guy who plays the 'money' button and expects you to wait around for 5 years.
Do better than... (read in full...)
He's cheating, I keep forgiving him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, but I still have feelings that he is cheating. About 6 months ago he left his phone open to some messages from a girl he used to work with saying, "We should meet up" and "Your not just a plan-b ...
A. 1 May 2011: Dump him right now. ... (read in full...)
Shall I avoid my nasty sister in law by avoiding the wedding? My husband could go alone.
Q. Ok...I have been married for 10 years, my inlaws live in country so we have never really gotten to know each other as never see much of them. They have never acknowledged birthdays etc. and everyone just goes about there owns lives basically. Like...
A. 1 May 2011: Go to the wedding, and be smug. Be so well behaved, so perfect, so utterly angelic that in no way can it be seen you are the problem. If they do confront you, play the "I don't know what you're talking about" card. Don't get angry, don't say ... (read in full...)
How do I catch my boyfriend cheating?
Q. My boyfriend is cheatin on me nd he is denaing it pls how cn i catch him redhanded...
A. 1 May 2011: If you are sure he's already cheating, then leave him. Don't waste your time trying to catch him out, because you won't. ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend and see if this other boy is maybe a better fit for me?
Q. Hi there aunts My question has a long backstory, so I apologize for that in advance. I just got back from a school trip to New York City, and while there I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend of almost a year. He sent texts, but I couldn't reply...
A. 1 May 2011: You will lose him as a friend - that's the price of breaking up with him. You won't ever be able to just go back to being friends. And it would be cruel of you to try that, because he will be hurting enough without having to deal with you as a ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend and see if this other boy is maybe a better fit for me?
Q. Hi there aunts My question has a long backstory, so I apologize for that in advance. I just got back from a school trip to New York City, and while there I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend of almost a year. He sent texts, but I couldn't reply...
A. 30 April 2011: Thank God you have the maturity to realize that you need more experience, and thank God you're mature enough to sit down rationally and think about it. What you've said isn't shallow at all. It's a good thing you're thinking about this. I wish other ... (read in full...)
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