A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:for the past year i have had really strong feelings for my old teacher it started off as a stupid crush but its grown and it feels like love, i have told him my life stories like my personal family life and he knows i am in love and he has been very supportive but he doensnt know its him i am in love with, he has also read the poems that i have wrote about him and it kills me that he doesnt know who it is aboutbearing in mind he does work in my school but he isnt my teacher and i am leaving to move onto college in 1 month should i tell him the truth or continue a painful lie? please help memany thanksxx
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crush, move on, my teacher Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, you helped me make the right decision and yeah i can feel i am slowly getting over him, im soo happy about that as it was making me depressed xx
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 June 2011):
 But you are on the right track. It is not going to be easy, but getting over him is the best thing you can do.
School is in the past now. YOUR future is waiting for you. There are lots of new adventures just around the corner - including boys!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, lets just say i still love him, but im slowly getting over him, and i didnt tell him to his face, i wrote it down in a letter, we do still talk, but its not the same, i defo made the right choice x
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 June 2011):
And what happened? I hope he did the right thing and let you down gently.
You need to move on from this, move on with your life, concentrate on your new college and enjoy growing up. You are still very very young and have your whole life ahead of you. When you get to college you will begin a whole new life, things which you could never ever have considered before. Dont hold yourself back.
Let school crushes fade into your distant memory - that is how is has to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): i hope everything goes well good luck 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is an update of the situation
i left school thursday just gone and i was going round hugging every one as i was very emotional.
i went up to my teacher hugged him, and whispered in his ear "thank you for everything you have done for me sir, you have no idea what it means to me and i will for certain miss you" with his arms still around me he said back "your more than welcome sweet and i will miss you too"
at this moment i was in tears, we stopped hugging he looked me in the eyes and wished me luck for the future. then he asked if i was alright. i said yeah im fine
as i walked away to find other people, i was thinking how that was the perfect time to tell him how i felt. i started talking to a female teacher about it, and even she said i shoudl tell him as i dont expect nothing from it. any way i have decided when i go back in for my results and the day i officially leave and they are not responsible for me is the day i tell him
thanks for all the replies you gave me opinions and helped me :)
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): you can tell him but be ready in case your heart gets broken cause he doesn't feel that way IF he doesn't feel the same way ANY ONLY if your 18
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah but its much harder than you make sound
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 May 2011):
You passed first time round? That is the normal expected thing to do! Seriously, advice from a teacher, concentrate on your exams. Leave the poor guy alone and DO NOT tell him anything.
He isnt going to ask, he doesnt want to know. Leave school, grow up, and move on with your life.
He will have forgotten you, and you in time will forget him.
It's like having a crush on a pop star - I bet you have done that in the past? Exactly the same thing is going on here. The pop star really wouldn't care if you told him you loved him. But you grew out of the pop star crush, because you didn't love him, and it was all just hormones and childish crushes. You will grow out of the teacher crush too. Don't make a fool of yourself by making this out to be more important than it is.
You are nearly an adult, time to start thinking like one. Sometimes you have to leave things be. You dont get 'closure'. You dont get a reason why, or an apology, or an explanation. You just have to accept and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am smart and because of my teacher i passed english first time round so you cant judge me by that.. its because of him i passed... and yeah i was going to tell him when i leave only if i feel the same as i do now if not i wont tell him unless he asks... which he wont lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I say once your out of school and you still feel the same way go for it , hope things work out!
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female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (9 May 2011):
Obviously, you only care that this teacher knows how you feel. Judging from some of your poor English, i suggest you put your energy into getting smarter - so when you get to college you will do well! I am not going to give any suggestions about what you should do. It appears you ARE not listening to anyone of the people who have given you their thoughts and suggestions. I do think you should grow up and soon!
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 May 2011):
Once you have left and you no longer see him every day, you will move on and forget about him. I promise.
Are you going to University in September? If you are, you are going to be surrounded by so many young, cute guys, from all over the world. You will be spoilt for choice, and you will quickly forget about your teacher.
Let sleeping dogs lie, it is for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i have decided what i am going to do... im not going to tell him... but after a few months of me leaving and if i still feel the same thats when i will tell him... and when i do get over him i will tell him what happend... sound good ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): okay lets say you do tell him, he will have to report it to the principal AND your parents would get involved it's a lot to think about
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 May 2011):
You will probably be in a worse state when you tell him, and he says he isnt interested. Try and put this to the back of your mind. Being heartbroken and embarassed will not do you grades any good at all.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 May 2011):
Do you want him to get fired? Because if you don't, then keep quiet. He CANNOT know how you feel. Because if he does, and it circulates, you will cause him trouble. You must NOT say anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i know he wont care... but i got exams soon and i cant focus as all thats on my mind is him.. so i thought if i told him i could hear it from his lips that he dont care... brutal truth will help me get over him and therefore he will not be on my mind and my exams might go well... i was gonna tell him on the last day
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 May 2011):
Why do you want him to know if you do not want a relationship with him?
What will it actually achieve apart from making things very awkward?
He doesn't want to know. He doesn't care one way or another. It will not enhance his life to know that yet another student has a crush on him. You are probably not the first and you sure won't be the last of his pupils to think they are in love with him. This is a fact of life for a teacher. We are trained to deal with these things, how to act, how to react, how to deflect lovesick teenagers onto a different object of desire.
Think about it. As soon as you leave school, his focus will then be a whole new bunch of students. He probably has hundreds of girls he teaches day in day out. You are only important to him whilst he is your teacher - once you leave his responsibility ends.
As teachers we have a duty to every single pupil that goes thru our classrooms. What you might not understand is that as soon as one class ends, our attention has to quickly change to the next bunch of pupils. We dont sit thinking about our favourites all day. It doesnt work like that. We have to give the same level of attention to ALL students. He doesnt treat you differently, you are just one of many. As soon as you walk out the door, his focus moves onto someone else, who he has to teach and make sure he is helping move forward with their learning. He wont think about your class again until he has to mark work, or the next time you roll up for class. This is the hard truth of teaching. Unless he is your personal tutor, he has no need to even think about you after you have left class.
When you are older, you will understand that this is not love. It is infatuation. In 5 or 10 years time you will look back and wonder what on earth you were thinking. You are a teenager, its normal to have these feelings. To you he is the experienced older man, exciting and so grown up compared to the stupid teenage boys in your class. He is a MAN and that is exciting for a teenage girl. But its not real, its a fantasy, ruled by your hormones. I don't doubt you feel strongly, but they are not feelings that should be acted on or expressed. Its not real.
Leave school with happy memories of this teacher, not of the memory when he crushed your feelings and emotions and you made a prat of yourself by telling a teacher you love him.
There are some things in life which should remain unsaid. This is one of them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni was thinking of telling him on the last day of school... and i dont want a relationship with him... i just want him to know
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 May 2011):
Ok, here are some facts. It is ILLEGAL for a teacher to have a relationship with a pupil under the age of 18. If it becomes sexual the teacher can be jailed and put on the sex offenders register. Regardless they will be disciplined and sacked for breach of trust and misconduct. Bottom line - teachers are warned and trained about pupils having crushes. ANY evidence that a pupil may have feelings for a teacher is immediately reported to our line managers, head of dept or head teacher. Staff are made aware of potential problems.Chances are he knows you fancy him and he is trying not to encourage you. Believe me, you are not subtle. He will KNOW.Teachers have to be supportive - that is part of the job. He isnt doing it because he loves you, its because he has to, and as a good teacher, he cares about his pupils.This is a fantasy, a teenage crush. In 5 years you will look back and wonder what on earth you saw in him.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 May 2011):
 lol...yes, it is your choice to tell or not. Most teachers are trained to be very understanding about this type of thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): sweetie what if you do tell him either way it'll be awkward one he doesn't feel the same way he'll feel very uncomfortable and avoid unnecessary conversation and if he does he will still avoid unnecessary conversation because he doesn't want to ruin his life and etc. but you know nothing any of us say will change your mind of final decision it is your choice but you do have the consequences to deal, i really hope things work out , much love 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust so you know i dont want a relationship with him, i just want to tell him how i feel.. if some one was in love with me i would want to know regardless of age.. thanks for the responses... hmm seems like i got a lot of thinking to do ayy haha xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): okay i've been in your situation before now forget the laws forget everything ,think about how you'll be in even more pain if he doesn't feel the same way and when he does do you want to see him locked up than ridiculed for the rest of his life, it may seem like you HAVE to tell him but it's best if you don't in the end either way things will end up bad you'll be heartbroken he'll end up in jail and you'll never see him again , do you never want to see him again? i chosse i rather have him in my life than out it sometimes when you care about someone you have to put there happiness and well being ahead of yours, please think this through , i liked him for 3 years i never said a word i still do have feelings for him but i'd never want to see him hurt , you'll eventually get over him, but until than just be his friend not over the lines but in a student teacher way. or at least wait till your 18 and out of the school
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 May 2011):
I was going to correct CaringGuy, but he's right. The updated British laws on sex offences means that relationships with teachers are forbidden until you are 18 (and not at the same school). He had a duty of care for you and acted as a guardian (in absence of your parents) To stop adults in authority from grooming children for sexual activity the age of consent in your situation is raised to 18.
Age of consent is 16 in the UK, but in certain circumstances it is 18. A jail sentence is a possible punishment.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 May 2011):
Continue the painful lie.
Your teacher is not free to love you. He's a guy doing a job, they pay him, he buys a house and then goes and has sex with the woman he loves.
The lie is less embarrassing for you. You won't like it when he says "oh" and then walks off because it's not interesting and you don't matter to him. Your a student he's paid to teach and that's the end of the relationship as far as he's concerned. He's doing a job, students fall in love with him every year, your love is nothing special.
Imagine somebody in a younger year falling in love with you, or some young guy you knew 10years ago. Interesting and forgotten in minutes.
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 England age of consent is 16
Greece is 15
I don't know what country you live in the flag is so small.
To him you don't exist, if you want to take the risk you'll have to give those poems a signature.
Just know he may be flattered but not interested.
Love does take risks, you'll have to decided if you're going to go through with exposing yourself to him.
Infatuation does not spell love. Supportive does not spell love. I say move onto higher education and date guys your own age and have a youth, not a possibility.
PS you are not living a painful lie, that is a figment of your infatuated mind. Put all those characteristics you like about this man on your priority list for dating men for the next few years. One day you may look back on this and only have a giggle while you and your bow walk down the isle.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 May 2011):
The law doesn't work as easily as you'd like it to. You cannot under any circumstances have a relationship with a teacher/ex teacher until you are over 18 and an ex pupil. If you do, it can affect any chance of you getting higher education, and you can put his job and freedom in jeopardy.
If you do truly feel this way for your teacher, then you'll understand that you have to let him go. I am sure you don't want him to get fired or jailed or something because of you. You have to let him go.
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