| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I said I wanted children someday and this guy freaked out, but now wants to date again. How do I go about this?
Q. Okay - will try and keep this short - but are affairs of the heart ever short though... So - met a great great guy at a house party about 4 weeks ago. We talked and laughed and just got on really well. As he is a lecturer where I work - he plucke...
A. 18 May 2011: All I'll say is just be cautious that he has changed, and isn't just telling you what you want to hear. Other than that, good luck. ... (read in full...)
My friend says she is too old to be on the Contraceptive Pill. When does a woman stop needing to take it?
Q. One of my friends from work is 26 and she told me today that shes no longer on the pill. I was like wtf why not, cuz she doesnt have a bf but she does have booty calls or one nights stands etc (i dont judge). And she said cuz she went to the doct...
A. 2 April 2011: She's not too old. There's something wrong here - like either the doctor is incompetent (not really that likely), or your friend is lying. Are you sure she's not trying to secretly get pregnant or something?... (read in full...)
Does some guys always go after beauty and sex even when they have a girl who loves them?
Q. Hi My bf be cheated on me and when i told him i am done with him, he claims every man will cheat if they are presented with an opportunity. I can swear not all women will cheat even if they find that opportunity. Does some guys always go after...
A. 1 April 2011: What dirtball says. What your boyfriend is really saying, is HE will cheat given the opportunity. There are plenty of guys who won't. ... (read in full...)
Is sex with a 'player' a good idea?
Q. Hey I'll get right to the problem and i need answers asap! please :( The guy i had a crush on started talking to me about a month ago. He said he thought i was cute and a type of girl he would date. So he asked me to come over to his plac...
A. 31 March 2011: I'd be more worried that if he was a player, he might have given you a disease or something. You should get tested.
And also never bother with him again. He seems a bit grotty to me. ... (read in full...)
I know it's in his nature to be reserved, especially when we have had a row, but it is driving me mad!
Q. HELP! Can someone tell me if I’m getting foolish? ( I have this guy and we’re dating for 1 year and 3mos. Were always in dispute since then. But I could say that we both really love each other. And now we’re having a cold war… again. *sigh* I ...
A. 31 March 2011: Well, to be honest I do think there is something massively wrong here. It's not that you're foolish, but I wonder how much experience you have in dealing with men, because you seem to be glossing over major problems. You've been going out for over... (read in full...)
My fiancee is having a second boob job - I don't know how to feel about this?
Q. In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself. She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modellin...
A. 31 March 2011: The question you need to ask yourself is whether this is the woman you fell in love with, or whether she has changed and you are merely in love with a memory.
Is this woman the one you want to be with, or is she becoming someone you don't want to b... (read in full...)
She is turned off by sex!
Q. Me and my fiancee have been together for 2 1/2 years. In this time we have both gotten good jobs, and a nice apartment. We go out on dates and enjoy spending time together as a couple. The problem is, she is totally turned off by sex. To the point ...
A. 30 March 2011: You really need to discuss this with her. You'll find it impossible being married to her knowing that you want sex, and she really, really doesn't. Realistically, your relationship won't survive it.
There must be a reason that she acts this way,... (read in full...)
He wants to keep the baby, but we hardly know each other and I don't want to be a single mom with 2 kids....
Q. i am pregnant and have told the father, he wants to have the baby but i dont because we barely know each other, i got pregnant on the first time. what should i do? i dont want us to stop being friends but i have a child from my previous marriage and ...
A. 30 March 2011: What do YOU want to do?
This is your body, and your life. You do not have to keep the baby, and if you feel that the better option would be to have it aborted, then that is your decision and he can't stop it. You are free to do as you wish at this... (read in full...)
He feels the situation is ok because we are not married yet, apparently I need the 'wife' status first before he helps me out!
Q. My fiancé and I were going to get married this year. Then he got a job that involves being away from home for 4 to 6 weeks at a time. He’s been doing this for 5 months now. He only gets paid at the end of each contract. I’ve got to manage our home ...
A. 30 March 2011: You're the first person who's come on this site and written a quote that I totally agree with.
"They say past behaviour indicates future behaviour"
You are together, you have a house together and you have been together for some time now. You were... (read in full...)
I want to try gay sex but I have a gf.
Q. ok so im straight ive been in a relationship for three years, i think i was to have sex with a man im very curious but i don't know what to do? can any one give me any advice on what to do pleaseeeee??? HELP!!!...
A. 30 March 2011: You need to decide who you are, and I don't think you can do that whilst you have a girlfriend. It would be very unfair to go out and cheat, or even be with her if you think that you want to do this and need to fin out.
Either you are comm... (read in full...)
She cheated once. Will she do it again if I forgive her?
Q. If your wife of 5years cheats on you w/her baby daddy. Would she do it again if I forgive her? She confess to me because she felt unhappy with her self. She said it only happend once and that she is sorry? Should I forgive her?...
A. 30 March 2011: I agree with the post at the bottom, Sincerely Yours.
I think there us a huge issue here, and it's not the simple fact she cheated. She cheated with an ex who is also the father of her baby.
So problem 1 is working out why she felt the need to ... (read in full...)
He used to give me all his attention but now he's breaking my heart.... how should I react to this?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now and it seems like he isn't bothered about me anymore even though he says he loves me. It's always me that has to make the effort to go out (he always says he has no money but then will go out ...
A. 30 March 2011: It's interesting how, for a woman, words can mean far more than actions.
This guy has completely fails when it comes to actions, yet he tells you he loves you and you believe it? In reverse, if a woman was treating a man this way, he'd prob... (read in full...)
I said I wanted children someday and this guy freaked out, but now wants to date again. How do I go about this?
Q. Okay - will try and keep this short - but are affairs of the heart ever short though... So - met a great great guy at a house party about 4 weeks ago. We talked and laughed and just got on really well. As he is a lecturer where I work - he plucke...
A. 30 March 2011: My thoughts are, that this guy has way, way too many problems for you to seriously consider anything with him.
I get that he might have freaked out a little bit when you mentioned kids - most men do at some point.
But, this wasn't just a small fr... (read in full...)
He broke up because he didn't want the hassle of a girlfriend anymore
Q. About 10 weeks ago my bf broke up with me after nearly 2 years of being together. His reason? He didnt want the hassle of a gf anymore, wanted to do what he wants when he wants. Basically he wanted space. He is a huge mummys boy and plays footy and ...
A. 30 March 2011: No matter what you read, it is no substitute for the truth, from a man - in this case, me.
Women spend a very long time wondering why men use them. The truth? Frequently they allow themselves to be used.
Women also spend a long time thinking... (read in full...)
Facebook guy trying to make me do stuff!
Q. my name is matthew and im having trouuble online on facebook with this boy he's trying to make to do stuff on cam and he is asking me to have sex with him and im not gay and i dont know what to do if anyone can help me it would be appriciated ...
A. 29 March 2011: Cut all contact with him immediately. You don't really know that he's a boy. He sounds more like a paedophile to me or something. Cut contact and report him ASAP. ... (read in full...)
I want him to leave his live-in girlfriend for me
Q. here goes.........I have known this guy since november, he is a farmer and lives in the valley where i work. i run into him on a daily basis, we meet up nearly every night, and share hobbies at the weekends. we are so made for each other and are ...
A. 29 March 2011: He's using you. He can dump her any time he likes, and if he loved you he would have dumped her some time ago. But he's not doing it, and instead of being a gentleman and kind, as you suggest, he's lying and cheating.
... (read in full...)
Is just talking about sex with another guy cheating?
Q. Hey guys, Me and my bf have been together for nearly 4 months now and I love him very much :) he's my first bf and i'm his first gf so it was kinda awkward in the beginning but now, it's great :) just to let you know, we didn't french kiss yet,...
A. 29 March 2011: Yes, it is cheating. You are talking about having sex with another guy whilst you have a boyfriend, and you know that he is attracted to you. So it's also a case of you playing thing other guy a bit too really.
Perhaps you are not yet ready for ... (read in full...)
I need money. Is gay porn the answer? I don't want to cheat on my GF.
Q. hello, i am in serious dept, i haven't got a job and have £103 every 2 weeks. with my balance being so high I cant make the next step with my girl friend. i watched a program on MTV about porn stars lives, there was a guy on there whom who was ...
A. 29 March 2011: Do you really believe for a second that your girlfriend will want you doing gay porn? I don't believe for a second that she will be happy. At all.
You need to find another way somehow. ... (read in full...)
Should my baby have the father's name if he does not show up for the birth??
Q. What as should I do???... I am 39weeks pregnant an well be getting induce tomorrow!..My babys father left me about a month ago . he completly ignors me an does not check to see how im feeling. You can say I have ((dead beat baby daddy)) for some ...
A. 28 March 2011: I agree with eyes - give the baby your name. ... (read in full...)
I was deceived. If she's pregnant, what are my options?
Q. Hello, thanks for readin, basically i met up with a girl a few weeks back who failed to tell me before she got back to mine after a party that she was allergic to latex, but told me she was infertile, so being a bit drunk and stupid i slept with ...
A. 27 March 2011: The first thing you need to do is get a DNA test whenever it's possible. Don't pay a penny until you know that there is a child and it's yours.
If it is, well, that pretty much seals it. You'll have to pay and that covers it. Speak to a soli... (read in full...)
I am afraid I pushed him away with my insecurity. How do I fix this?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Two days ago, we got into We are not speaking now and he said he wants to see other people. I have been going through some feelings of insecurity and I started to not trust him-even though he has not been ...
A. 27 March 2011: Hang on a moment -
You say that you became insecure and started to suspect he was being dishonest. And his response was to stop speaking to you and decide to see other people, even though he said he loved you?
Not to put a fine point to it, but ... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave him, but he does drugs and it really worries me.
Q. Hi everyone I am really really looking some help. I am 22 years old and i live with my partner of 7 years who is 24 years old. During the working week he is lovely but at the weekend he takes drugs (goes out on a friday and returns home on the ...
A. 27 March 2011: He prefers drugs and friends over health and you. I'd leave. That's about all there is to it really. Don't stay with someone who's just going to wreck your life and not give a damn. ... (read in full...)
How do I get through to my neighbor that her hens are ruining the neighborhood?
Q. My neighbor has free range hens which she rescues from battery farms. While this is commendable, they are also an unmitigated nuisance as she allows them to roam where they like including our gardens!!! There are now about 30 and she keeps adding to ...
A. 27 March 2011: More photos, more videos, more more more. Then take in a lawyer's advice about what can be done. Also, speak to the council about having a rates reduction (grounds that she runs a farm, say), again speak to the RSPCA, and again speak to a solicitor. ... (read in full...)
He says he wants friendship but acts like he wants more - is there "unfinished business"?
Q. I met someone not too long ago and basically it was bad timing that made us decide against a romantic relationship. After some time apart, we've just begun hanging out again as friends. I know it'll take a while to get used to, since we never ...
A. 26 March 2011: I suspect there may have been some 'unfinished business'. I think he put it on the line that time he asked you to the movies (he probably had a plan to ask you out), and was testing to see whether you'd see him alone. When you declined, I think he ... (read in full...)
I'm bothered by her contact with her ex
Q. Is it okey to feel insecure about my girlfirend keeping in touch with her ex boyfriend? She is texting with him, speaking on the phone with him and sending messages to his facebook inbox. When I told her that this is really bothering me, be...
A. 26 March 2011: I'm feeling insecure for you. This isn't a good sign on any front. 1 - He is into drugs and has mental problems. That does't make him a bad guy, but it makes him someone who is unsafe to be around and that means that you and her may be in an unsaf... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is controlling
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. 3 months into our relationship he asked if i had been texting boys, he then took my phone and seen 5 boys on my recent contacts that i had been texting but i had deleted the sent and inbox messages, ...
A. 26 March 2011: DUMP HIM NOW. That's all the advice I have,, and it's the best you'll ever get to deal with someone like this. If you don't, then for the rest of your life you'll be abused. ... (read in full...)
Why does my Ex want to talk to me???
Q. I hear from People that my ex girlfriend wishes she could/wants to talk to me.. But the girl got into another relationship 3 weeks after we broke. Personally, if I were her I want to spend time getting to know my new partner rather than worr...
A. 26 March 2011: I think Abella got it right. She might be feeling guilty, or might be having second thoughts. For what it's worth, an ex of mine pretty much did this to me. But she was out of luck, because I wouldn't stand for it. Whatever she is feeling, this is ... (read in full...)
My fiance's sister wants to date my ex?
Q. So a couple of years ago, I dated this guy. He was a HUGE part of my life, and we dated for a long time. However, we grew up, and went our seprate ways. But we still talk. I moved 6 hours away, and...every couple of months, i'll get a text or a ...
A. 26 March 2011: Sorry, but there isn't one little you can do to stop it. If you say something to him, he won't give a damn and will just come anyway. If you say something to her, she'll be put in the middle and she'll probably turn against you. Then your finance ... (read in full...)
Are all men after tall women?
Q. I'm 22 years old, less than five feet tall. i am as pretty as any other girl and healthily thin so will any guy be interested in me?its not my fault or anyone else's why i am the way i am. I'm in college for 2 years and no boy has even dared talked ...
A. 26 March 2011: I've dated a woman who was 5 feet, and a woman who was nearly 6 feet. The height had nothing to do with it. It won't for most in really. My girlfriend of 2 years is 5 feet 4", so she's not that tall really. But I don't care about that. A guy would ... (read in full...)
Opinion on friends with benefits?
Q. Friends with benefits. What's your opinion? Do these kind of "relationships" always turn into something much more complicating? ...
A. 26 March 2011: My experience on this site alone is that FWB do not work - especially in the case of women. Almost every person on here asking about a FWB relationship is a woman saying that she's fallen for a man. Sometimes it's the other way around, but not ... (read in full...)
Do you fantasize about other girls or your girlfriend?
Q. This is a question for the males. For those of you with girlfriends/fiances/wives/partners etc do you always think of them when you think of sex and your fantasies? So when your maybe daydreaming or watever it is that gets you thinking, who a...
A. 25 March 2011: Like adamskidude, I also fantasize about the women I'm most infatuated with. And in 2 years of being with my girlfriend, she's the only one on my mind. ... (read in full...)
What rights does my child's father have?
Q. Im pregnant and I am keeping the baby because I don't want to have to go through having an abortion. I am happy with my decision but the baby's dad is not and says 'get rid' but I'm not going to. can anyone tell me what are his rights? (UK) and...
A. 25 March 2011: Well, first of all he has no right to demand you get rid of it. Secondly, he will have to pay for it. After that, it really becomes a grey area. He could get 2 weekends per month, or 50% of the time depending how a judge sees it or what can be a... (read in full...)
Confessing to cheating..ONLY experiences from cheaters or cheated-ons.
Q. Hello, As the title says, I would like to know FACTS from people who’ve been through this. I’m not working on a survey or something, but yes, I've cheated on my gf (a fling without intercourse and no feelings) and I'm living hell right now (guilt...
A. 25 March 2011: I was cheated on: 1 - She never confessed. I found out. 2 - Her lack of honesty about it was the thing that disgusted me most. 3 - I dumped her. 4 - I'm with a far better woman, and the cheater is out. The act of cheating is bad, but the su... (read in full...)
Do I have a shot with him?
Q. This guy i like... He has a girlfriend and i never see them together and i never hear either one talk about the other. Does this mean i might have a shot with him?...
A. 25 March 2011: Not in the slightest. ... (read in full...)
I feel my partner is hiding something from me...
Q. My partner and i have had many breaks but feel he is hiding something from me, last yr we had a split for a few months and he went on fb (which he never does usually) someone told me that they had seen other females on his friends list and told me ...
A. 25 March 2011: I also agree with Geegee. If you were on a break at the time, unless there were rules that said you couldn't meet other people, then he's not hiding anything and he's done nothing wrong. I think though, you need to address this relation... (read in full...)
Can someone love and yet lie to the person that they love?
Q. He cheated while we were dating, and I only found out about it after we got married. Thus, I didn't know he had been unfaithful when he proposed, during the engagment, or during the wedding. He cheated once, and was in touch with the person he ...
A. 24 March 2011: In the case of my girlfriend cheating, it was the lie that made it worse than the cheating itself. The lie doesn't necessarily mean there is a lack of love, but there was certainly a lack of respect at that time. I think the act of lying is ... (read in full...)
Maybe you are the right one and his wife is the wrong one?
Q. Hi everyone. This is my question. Is it possible a married man could be falling for you instead of wanting an affair? Or are all these guys the same, wanting their cake and eating it, too? How do you know he is not truly happy in his marriage ...
A. 24 March 2011: The married man would leave BEFORE starting any affair. He would leave, he would sort out the after effects (children, money, house etc), then he would start a relationship with you when enough time had passed.
If he didn't leave, and started an a... (read in full...)
Put your hands up in the air if you agree that studying SUCKS!
Q. Hiyaaaa!!! It's almost end of March and I have the most agony test during the end of May and they determind whether I get in University or not (another word I'm doing my AS) It's bloody annoying because I've lost motivation and whenever I d...
A. 24 March 2011: It sucks at the time - then when you do what I did and drop a few grades, you realize you should have worked a shit load harder!
Make sure you take breaks from studying, but really, REALLY keep it up or aged 23, you'll have to start over like me b... (read in full...)
Wife has cheated, but won't tell me the guy's name!
Q. wife confesses one night stand while on trip with her girlfriends. she says she has told me all there is to tell but won't tell me guys name. whats up with that?...
A. 24 March 2011: He's not a perv. If he was, then it would have been rape. It wasn't.
What happened was, your wife made a choice - a choice that she would cheat with another man. She could didn't have to do it, she could have left, she could have screamed her head... (read in full...)
Did this guy stop talking to me because he found out I like him?
Q. OK so i really like this guy but he gas a gf... We used to joke around and talk but all of a sudden we stopped... Did he find out that i like him and is he creeped out?...
A. 24 March 2011: There's the point - she never saw the two of you together. She didn't know what you were up to at all, and most likely someone saw that you were together and told her, or he told her. Trust me, this is about him having to make a choice between you ... (read in full...)
Should I reunite with my father?
Q. i'm so confused my whole family broke up due to domestic violence 7 years ago , and i have just got back in contact with my 2 cousins . my father has gone back to turkey should i reunite with him ?...
A. 24 March 2011: The question isn't "should you reunite" - it's do you want to reunite with him?
Do you want to reunite with your father, and is it safe enough to do so? If there was violence and he was responsible, you are under no obligation to get to know him ... (read in full...)
Money the route of all evil?
Q. Hi everyone. I need some advice please. Last year I had breast cancer, and recieved an insurance payout. Thankfully I have just been given the all clear. My partner was mostly very suportive at the time, although we were having financial diffic...
A. 23 March 2011: On the spot, ditch him. You're being screwed by him. My mother inherited £40,000 from her uncle once. My Dad spent the lot and we have struggled since. My mother has resented not having been stronger with him. ... (read in full...)
Wife has cheated, but won't tell me the guy's name!
Q. wife confesses one night stand while on trip with her girlfriends. she says she has told me all there is to tell but won't tell me guys name. whats up with that?...
A. 23 March 2011: Believe me, his name really is the last thing to worry about. Be worried more about the fact that she cheated in the first place. ... (read in full...)
Did this guy stop talking to me because he found out I like him?
Q. OK so i really like this guy but he gas a gf... We used to joke around and talk but all of a sudden we stopped... Did he find out that i like him and is he creeped out?...
A. 23 March 2011: That might be the reason. The other reason might be that his girlfriend didn't like that you two were joking around and talking that much (it could have been excessive), and she pulled rank and told him enough was enough.
Either way, you shou... (read in full...)
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