A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My relationship is going downfall. My bf and I don't get along. We disagree on pretty much everything. He is conservative, I am liberal, he plans everything, I live by the moment, he likes to eat at home, I like to eat out, he watches reality shows, I watch sex and the city. The thing is that he wants me to do what he likes to do, and I just want to do whatever the heck I want. He wants me to be one of those women who cleans the house and have dinner ready for their husbands; but I have a full job with a lot of stress and responsibilities. I don't have time to take care of him. His mom recently visit us and stayed with us for a week. She was constantly, telling me that I needed to take care of him and needed to cook, iron, and clean the house. I did not say anything to her because it's his mom, and I have to respect her; but this is the type of behavior he grow up with. I am not that type of women. I like to work, and be independent, I have a successful career and I make a decent way of living. I don't like people to tell me what i should or should not do. I am so angry at this situation. Specially, because I believe that if somebody would demand such thing, they would've at least proposed to be marry. I am always waiting for that moment; then I might compromised. But, why should I compromised for him when he does not compromised. I need help... I want to break this issue, but I don't know how. I want to break up, but start all over again at 33????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (5 May 2011):
Yes...start all over @33. Might be a good idea to do it as soon as possible if you feel that you can not make the relationship work with your present BF. I have certain ideas about a relationship and how things in a perfect world should and should not transpire. Perhaps it would be fair to say that I am an old school sista living in a brand new world. In my world, I was raised where a woman took care of the house, cooked, cleaned, and mostly looked after the children. My father worked and provided for his family. My mother did not work when I was not of school age. As soon as my I started going to school, my mother worked outside of the house and still did many of the things she did before she started working. My father did help my mother, since he got home from work before my mother he prepared dinner, washed dishes, and every once in a while would wash a load of laundry. My parents were help mates to each other. They were married and were not living together playing the dangerous game of house. They were committed to marriage and knew their roles and acted accordingly. I had the grand pleasure of seeing how a marriage should run day to day. It is important that you and your mate share some of the same interest, if you don't then one of you, if not both will be looking for interest outside of your relationship. Please understand all you like to do does not have to be all your mate likes to do...something some where has to be in common. I like to please my husband and I know there are certain things that he likes in our household and try my best to do those things so he can be happy. He makes me happy and provides well for me and our children. I work a full time job, I am stressed, I am busy, I am a wife who is Independent, but not too Independent because I need and want a relationship with my husband that allows him to be happy and comfortable. Too much independence is not a good thing....being a help mate to each other is a good thing!!! Good Luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 May 2011):
Starting again at 33 will be a lot easier than not starting again and being miserable for the rest of your life!
You two are entirely different people. It's a miracle that you've lasted this long. Worse, his mother is obviously what he's looking for rather than a woman who can stand on her own two feet - meaning that even if you were to try and discuss this with him, he wouldn't' change because all he knows from his upbringing is that women should be ironing, cleaning etc.
You know this is working out, and you know it never will. En the relationship, move on and find a guy who does fit in to your life and has the same ideals as you.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (5 May 2011):
33 is young; you've also got a good career and are happy to be independent. You don't need to rely on this man.
You've got loads going for you. Don't ignore your feelings or push them aside because you are worried about being single. If you're not happy in the relationship then you must take action. Your bf clearly has his own ideas which you don't share- don't become downtrodden by what he wants.
I know moving on is scary but from your post I really think the best thing you can do here is move on to someone who respects the way you think. Even if your bf does propose you would need to SERIOUSLY consider whether you could live with him for the rest of your life with the way things are.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Hey, I just heard about a friend's relative marrying at age 82. If she is that optimistic about life, why not you at only 33?
I think you are with a guy who is fundamentally incompatible with your life goals. The sooner you end this relationship, the sooner you can move on to find a man who will support and nurture your life's work, just as you would support and nurture his. To me, it sounds as though you've found a man who is the opposite of what you are looking for, just as you appear to be the opposite of what he is looking for. Remind us again how it is you came to be a couple?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I'm sorry to say but this relationship doesn't sound like it can possibly work out. It's OK to disagree on things, but you both want completely different things out of your relationship and out of life. These are major things and would be pretty much impossible to break through without at least one of you winding up miserable. Further it doesn't sound like he takes anything you want or say very seriously. 33 is young, there are lots of great guys out there who you can have more in common with.
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A
male
reader, Dough +, writes (5 May 2011):
Hi. I empathize with where you're coming from. My fiance of a three year relationship just broke it off a few months before the wedding. Crushed as I am at 32, I do believe I can start over again and find the one. You should never compromise who you are, especially given the fact you are successful in your chosen field. If he can't (doesn't/won't) appreciate everything you are (not worship, but appreciate) and does not want to be with you but to be an alternative to his mother; I say move on. But hey, what do I know, I'm the guy who just got dumped. :0) Hang in there. If he's failing to commit, he's committing to fail you. Try your best to keep your chin up, it's hard to see the future if you're looking at your feet. Take care of yourself and good luck with whatever/whomever you choose!
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